[be_love]

Hey everyone. So I am 22 years old and I am about as virginal as they come. I've made out with a boy once, and I've kissed a few others and that's it...no touching anything no getting anything touched. That's it. A lot of people have asked me if I'm a lesbian since I can't seem to get a boyfriend or have sex, but I really am not. What I am is TERRIFIED. Sex is so scary to me. What if my vagina isn't deep enough for his penis? What if I don't have an orgasm? And how much is it going to HURT? That's the scariest part of all. I know that I have had opportunities to have sex, but this fear has caused me to turn down people who have liked me. I don't know why I have such a crippling fear of such intimacy, but it is real and it has become a constant stressor and one that I am afraid is hindering me. I know a lot of people who think being 22 and a virgin is weird--and now I'm that girl. If anyone can give me any advice, I would be so appreciative!

[jns]

Don't let your friends push you into something you are not ready for. When you find the right guy, it may still be scary, but that won't stop you from going forward.

[rcoreyus]

being a 22 year old virgin isn't very unusual. If it is a "rational" fear, then just remember that the great majority of people have and enjoy sex. If often isn't great the first time (though sometimes is is), but most people enjoy it quite soon. You can certainly enjoy sexual activity while remaining a virgin until you are comfortable. If its an "irrational" fear, eg, one that you are rationally aware doesn't make sense, then it would make sense to see a therapist to understand the source of that fear.

Are you able to enjoy masturbation?

[be_love]

being a 22 year old virgin isn't very unusual. If it is a "rational" fear, then just remember that the great majority of people have and enjoy sex. If often isn't great the first time (though sometimes is is), but most people enjoy it quite soon. You can certainly enjoy sexual activity while remaining a virgin until you are comfortable. If its an "irrational" fear, eg, one that you are rationally aware doesn't make sense, then it would make sense to see a therapist to understand the source of that fear.

Are you able to enjoy masturbation?

I do enjoy masturbating, but even that I don't know if I'm doing it well. I don't use anything but my hands and I never stick my fingers inside my vagina. I really just rub over the area where my cliterois is but never go inside. Is that even a good predictor of how sex will be? How do I know so little about this!!

[jns]

Do you reach orgasm? Achieving orgasm can help your body get ready for penetration. Don't worry about being a novice, you will learn a lot your first several times having sex (when the time is right, of course).

[lissy73]

why be so scared of sex? its the most natural thing in the world, we do it, animals do it etc... Just be patient and when the right person comes along, all your fears and anxieties will fade away.

[stressed]

It's not weird to be a virgin at your age at all.
To answer your questions:
- It's not going to hurt anymore than a pinch on your arm does, as long as you are adequately aroused and/or lubricated.
- The majority of women don't have an orgasm the first few times they have sex. Many women don't have one even years after starting to have sex.
- Your vagina gradually adjusts to what you insert and depth isn't an issue at all.

What you should think about is the opportunities to have sex that you mentioned. Was it with friends, were you asked/forced by others to have sex, do you have someone specific in mind to do this with? Do you think you 'have' to have sex just because you're 22? Do you reach an orgasm when you masturbate? Also, the way you masturbate is perfectly normal for a virgin.

I'd suggest you read medical websites and articles on the female anatomy so you'd be more comfortable with your body and understand what happens to it during sex.

[rcoreyus]

I do enjoy masturbating, but even that I don't know if I'm doing it well. I don't use anything but my hands and I never stick my fingers inside my vagina. I really just rub over the area where my cliterois is but never go inside. Is that even a good predictor of how sex will be? How do I know so little about this!!

If you enjoy it, you are doing it right.

People are all different, but since you enjoy this type of stimulation you will probably enjoy even more with the (right) partner. Also, no need to rush into intercourse, its fine to be intimate with someone in other ways for a while until you are comfortable.

[taj]

I was about your age when I lost my viginity, and that was the first time I even was touched by a man or kissed by a man. Fortunately it was his first also. That made it much more exciting and enjoyable... When the time comes, just relax, and enjoy yourself. Also like mentioned above, having the right partner, can make a big difference. I also feel an emotional connection with love will make your experience much better!

[Element]

I didn't give away my virginity until I was 24. And I've been with the same man for over 2 years, we live together with his little boy. I am proud that I waited. I'm proud that he is the only one that I have ever been with. I love that he is my one and only. So don't feel like you're the odd woman out just because you haven't spread your legs for some guy. When you are ready; you'll take the step. Until then, work on yourself and live your life.