[Tigerphoenix86]

this is complicated and very painful. i was with my bf for 2 years we broke up, and a year later became friends, and started fooling around, kissing, cuddling, and making love again. now, two years after we broke up we are finally together again. we also have a 3 yr old son together. now that were together, he doesn't seem to want sex, or me, or to be close anymore. we were closer when we weren't together. he is overweight as am i and is interested in porn but not me. ive tried everything, being subtle, being aggressive, backing away, dressing up, making his favorite foods, and doing his favorite activities, but we can never talk about sex at all. its been over a month and a half, and the last time we made love... it sucked. I gave him all kinds of forplay and a blowjob, etc, and he never touched me and it was in complete dark, he wouldn't even kiss me. i was not ready and felt hurt that he wouldn't even kiss me, but i gave in and just got on top and forced his hands onto my breasts, which eventually the lust won on both our accounts. but i never felt connected to him, it didn't feel special like it used to when we weren't together. Afterward, he wouldn't even cuddle with me. After feeling so disconnected sexually, I felt rather unloved, and needed to cuddle esp then to feel close again. he complained that it was too hot, and i suggested taking a 5 min shower to cool down and he refused. I felt so hurt and unloved, that the only thing i could do was cry silent tears into my pillow while he slept. it also has to be planned, and he only seems to want to do it... because he promised. its not natural anymore, and when it almost is he stops it. I told him that i need to be touched in some way to feel loved. (read the book 5 languages of love, written by a relationship therapist.) He got mad and said all i want is sex which is so untrue. Any time i even try to initiate a little, he says he doesn't feel like it and wont give me a chance to try to get him in the mood. he never initiates and i even dress up in costumes and do all kinds of things to try to get his interest. sex isn't the most important thing to me, but it seems he doesn't even want to be close. he told me the pther day "don't you do things for me that you dnt want to? well i don't want to always be close when you do. im not a snugglebunny. " all i meekly respond was... "but i am" and it brought me to tears to think that he doesn't even want to cuddle with me when im there. which is 3-4 times a month if that. i need to be touched, and it really hurts to think he doesn't like it. he used to be a cuddle bunny when we were together the first time. i don't understand. im trying so hard to make this work again, and he told me he would try to work through things with me, but it doesn't seem like he is, and the more he pulls away the more i try to pull away, then he wants to be close but i feel too hurt and rejected to be close. then i try to be close and he pulls away. i really love him but feel so unloved and rejected when he doesn't touch me, or want me, or want to be close to me. please help, this really hurts and i feel so low because of it.

[lissy73]

Sounds like he is having regrets getting back with you...sorry to be so blunt but him pulling away and not wanting to be with you anymore, the signs are all there. You deserve to be with someone who genuinely loves and cares for you. Maybe its time to readdress this relationship because if you don't he will only pull you down more and eventually destroy you.

[someone_like_u]

I think the key is the lack of communication between you two. To me, he sounds stressed out(maybe work, family, etc). I have the tendency to do the same thing. If my husband doesn't do (insert any random action here) as long or at all, I feel it's me, something's got to be wrong, and I can snowball the situation. We talk, and 9 times out of 10, it has nothing to do with me. It's something else that has his mind trapped to where he can't relax and enjoy us. For years, especially when our children were smaller, this was me. I was worrying about a huge pile of nothing though. Now, anytime me or hubby are stressed or whatever, we talk through it and rarely do we have any issues pop up in the bedroom, because we've processed them earlier and they aren't playing on our minds anymore.

You mentioned porn earlier. How often is he watching it? If he's escaping you to watch porn, you need to address this and let him know how this makes you feel. I don't think porn in general is bad(we watch it on occasion), but when it alters a person's reality of a normal healthy sexual relationship, it is time to back away from the porn.

Hope this helps

[MamaaCorydoras]

Hey there. Im actually going through the same thing... I just moved in with my boyfriend of 5 years not long ago, and now that we live together, I feel like he isnt attracted to me anymore... He expects everything from me, blowjobs etc... And he always has excuses for not spending more time on getting my excited... Sometimes it takes men a little longer to mature, Im not saying ALL men, please dont get me wrong, but I think in that sense maybe we both have partners that just arnt mature or ready enough to settle down. If you're like me, I dont ever want to be with anyone else, I lost my virginity to this man, and now, hes not even interested.

I think you should talk to him about it, ask him what is the matter. If you keep trying to guess whats wrong you may be waiting forever, ask him straight up, although you shouldnt pressure him. Just mention that you would like to talk to him whenever he is free.

My boyfriend also has a porn issue. He aslways says I never act sexy. I dont think there is anything wrong with porn, but I think it has a great impact on how men view women and how they should look/act. We have also put on some weight, but Im not horrible looking. Aside from being chubby everywhere, I know I have great boobs for example, I only say this because you need to give yourself value (I should take my own advice). Sometimes no matter what we do, people change, and as I said, sometimes its at the worst possible moment.

Talk to him, be honest with each other and I hope things turn out for the best for both of us. Take care sweety, worry about your child and bringing him up to be safe and happy.