[Ameera]

Dear All

I am really stressed, my partner who is also the father of my 2yrs old son is putting too much pressure on me cause i cant reach orgasm.
He say i am not his first girlfiend he knows how a normal woman should be, i tried to explain to him that we need more time on foreplay and my c-spot should be stimulated for me to reach orgasm but he is not interested instead of agreeing on a way forward he just decided that he will deny me sex until i seek professional help. its been two months now without any sexual intercourse, but what really bothers me is the fact that i know he is having sex with someone else otherwise he wasnt going to take such a decision.

I have made an appointment with the Sexologist but i am really frustrated with him i just cant get through to him, he is selfish, arrogant and controlling what ever he says must be done.

I really love this guy but he doesnt have time for the relationship, there is no connection at all. i belive there is more to sex than to pressurise me on orgasm, i cant reach orgasm if i am not relaxed, my mind is wondering if he is cheating on me because he did it before and he says he cant kiss me cause i have bad breath.

I am willing to look into the issues that he raised but his tone is not of someone who cares about me, he wants to break my confidence in a way that even if i can think of meeting other guys i will look down on myself.

Please advice

[stressed]

Do you know for a fact that he is having sex with someone else, or do you suspect so because he's done it in the past? What makes you suspect this other than him denying sex?
It's unreasonable that he abstains from sex because you don't orgasm and there's nothing abnormal with you not reaching one during sex. You know and you've told him what you like but he doesn't seem willing to make an effort.
If the only reason you are together is your child then you should reconsider this relationship, as you don't seem to be connected anymore either emotionally or physically. By what you've said it sounds like you're in a mentally abusive relationship.

[Little]

I agree with everything Stressed has said above. Just wanted to add that perhaps you can get him to go to the therapist with you. The way he reacts to the professional's advice may give you further insight into why he's acting the way he is ... and what you should do about it.

[Ameera]

Hi Stressed

I dont know for sure i am suspecting he spend most of the time out, if he goes clubbing he comes home around 2/3am.

[rcoreyus]

A man's opinion here: He is being completely unreasonable. Different women like different things, most do not have an orgasm just from intercourse, and quite possibly his other girlfriends were faking it to get it over with.....

This is just wrong in so many ways: He shouldn't be pressuring you. He should be doing what you like in bed. He shouldn't be comparing you to other women. He shouldn't withhold sex. On and on.

I know you have a child with this man, but he seems like - well like something I can't write here. Are there any redeeming qualities to this man? He seems like the sort who gives the entire gender a bad reputation .

[Guest]

Reportedly Marilyn Monroe never had an orgasm. Men like to hear you orgasm to think that their weapon is superior to every other man. You shouldn't pretend but say that you feel exciting shocks inside you and things like that to encourage how good at sex he is. Unless he isn't.

[rcoreyus]

If someone isn't good at sex, tell them how to do better (without implying that that were bad to start with). If they don't want to listen, then they will never be any good.

[jns]

Ameera, there is a sizable percentage of women who cannot orgasm from any means. There are many more who cannot due to time constraints, technique limitations and lack of emotional involvement. Psychological issues amongst others, can and do play a part. Having a woman reach orgasm during foreplay and/or sex is a goal, but it is not always required for a good relationship or even a good sex life. Your partner could do a lot more in attempting to get you to orgasm. His attitude is just plain wrong. I don't think you two are a good match.

[CoolBreeze]

Your partner is not a partner but an egoistic person. He has no right to pressure you like that. There is nothing wrong with you. It's your partner who needs therapy for letting you down. If he can't make any efforts to bring you in the zone, and work to bring you to climax at your own comfort and timing, then unfortunately he is not the one. The way he is treating you falls under mental abuse. He has no right to treat you like that. I would sincerely suggest that you re-evaluate your relationship with him. Please don't loose your confidence for such a jerk, he is not worth it.

[Ameera]

Thank you all for your response, its with great sadness that i only admitted now that i am being emotionally abused. I tried to talk with him about how i feel but it didn't end well. We talked and many issues were raised but out of everything that he said to me i just got soooooo mad when he said to me he regrets leaving his ex-girlfriend for a foolish woman like me, that's the terrible mistake that he have made. No one is perfect in this world but i refuse to be compared with some woman in his past, as he wouldn't be happy if i can say that to him.

I know it wont be easy to forget but after reading your responses i believe i deserve better.