[Anonymous#222]

Hi,
I'm 24 & I'm engaged to my husband-to-be who is also 24. We have been together for 2 years and for the past year I have lost interest in sex. I am completely healthy, I exercise & eat well. When we first started seeing each other I always wanted sex & now I only comply to make him happy. I feel terrible because it truly has nothing to do with him it's all me! Our relationship is perfect but I've just gone off of sex. Does anyone have any advice?

[jns]

What form of birth control are you on, if any? Others have posted that hormonal birth control can kill libido. A certain amount of loss of libido occurs after the "honeymoon" period of a new relationship. When did your libido start going down?

[Anonymous#222]

I'm currently on the pill (levlen) & I've been on the pill now for 3 years. I've tried going off & have noticed no difference. I started noticing last year just after a year of being together that my libido dropped. I just don't understand & I want to fix this because everything else ticks the boxes in our relationship just the sexual drive has dropped. Is it a temporary thing or am I doomed with this dysfunction?!

[stressed]

Do you live together? Did this start before or after the engagement? Are you satisfied with how things are in your life (studies/work/finances etc.)? Are you looking forward to marrying him or do you have any doubts at all? How would you feel if you suddenly got pregnant? Do you remember the last time you initiated sex because you really wanted to? When you do have sex, do you enjoy it? Have you discussed this with him? Lots of questions, but they'll help you pinpoint the cause.

This can be solved, mainly because you want it to be solved and because you understand that something's changed.

[Anonymous#222]

I love him, no doubts about marrying him at all. I can't wait to get pregnant & start a family. Last time I initiated sex was months ago at least. We have sex about 1-2 per week. I prefer sex to be short rather than long due to he begins to hurt after about 5mins. It's tough because I'm not as lunricated down there as I used to be due to lack of excitement. Sex feels like a chore rather than a treat. Things are very hectic atm with planning our wedding, building our house etc which could play a part but I truly feel it all started when I got promoted at work. But now due to mivements my role is less stressful so I don't understand what is going on with me hormonally! I used to think "why do some women not want sex?" Now I know how they feel ;-(

[Troublesgirl]

I am 23. Been with my husband 6 years and married 2 of them. Please don't worry with what's going on. By the sounds of it you are going thru a messy and confused time - weddings, houses etc. I wished when I was going thru all that I had time just to have sex once a week - I would have been lucky.

Even now hubby and I are doing lots of long hours and we see each other for an hour an evening and maybe once an weekend but my little plan has started to work......

First - YOU need to get your body back in tune. One evening by yourself run a nice bath, bottle of wine, get all relaxed and then do a little exploring of yourself ;-). Pleasuring yourself is not a bad thing - it helps you find out a lot about your body and what it does and hopefully get you back in the mood.

Second - once your more comfortable, sit down one evening with your partner and sort out a night for just you two. No phones, TVs, computers, work, family.........clear it all out your head and find yourselves again.

Thirdly, (optional but good) spice it up a little. Ask him if there is anything he likes, sexy undies, toys or maybe you try being a little dominating ( I don't mean tie up and wiping haha) - do the things you know he likes but on your terms. Worked wonders on my hubby he loves it.

My advice aside for a moment, I just wanna say I know how you feel but I can truly say, it doesn't last for long. Once all the messy stuff is out the way, you will find yourselves again. I was 20 when I went thru all this and had no one around to give me advice. So I hope this helps you a little.

Ps ever wanna a private chat just pm me.

[Anonymous#222]

That's really fantastic advice thank-you! I don't feel so alone now.
It's so hard at times just to even relax but you have made me realise that I truly do need to take a breather & appreciate the alone time with my fiancé. I will certainly ease into it all & eventually I hope my drive comes back.
Thank-you once again, I feel normal again :-)

[JonDoe]

Wedding cake is a definite libido killer.

[Anonymous#222]

Really? Ill keep that in mind :-)

[Anonymous#222]

Uhh yeah no worries mate! I don't need porn to fix my problems & I'm not a lesbian in case the hint of me having a fiancé wasn't a big enough hint!
Please don't use my problem to give you incentive to advertise porn
Thanks.