[lostbutterfly]

Hi everyone

My story is long and i have a small Bio in my profile if you want to look, but to cut it short i am male. I was diagnosed with a hormone disorder years ago, i was then told i was intersexed. Up till then i was a normal straight guy. Since having this disorder i have feminized a lot, i have developed breasts and a very feminine figure which i am now accepting and i have just started to try and live my life as a woman. I find it very difficult and due to some bad abuse and loosing a lot of friends and family because of my disorder i am now very alone and have no confidence a tall.

The problem is i really want a relationship and ill admit i want one with a guy my sexual preference started to become confused about a year ago, i started finding women less attractive sexually and i had become attracted to men. For me this was very hard to accept like most of the changes i have gone through, but i have stopped fighting so to speak and i accept this is who i am now.

I Had no sex drive for a very long time but a year ago it came back with a vengeance lol i have all these new lumps and bumps and i will admit i feel very sexual and sensuous at times and i would love to meet a nice man who would help me explore my new desires. The huge problem is i hve no idea who would want me lol i mean im still male but i look more like a female, my male parts are no longer functional so i feel im in limbo. A straight male would hate me because i am technically male, and a gay man would hate me because i have boobs and look like a woman, so where does that leave me ? this is something i think about often and i have no idea what to do ?

Thank you

[KMonte85]

Are you a member of any intersex support groups?

[lostbutterfly]

Hi KMonte85 thanks for your reply No im not a member of any groups as such, i was given contact information for some Transgender contacts which have offered me some advice in the past regarding certain things, but i feel a little secluded to be honest and find it hard to relate with transexuals and them with me i think. I live in the UK im finding the support system over here to be a little dated if im honest x

[Cheyenne]

Hi butterfly
Have you went to any clubs (straight or gay clubs) and seen how other males react to you? Maybe not even a club, but talked to other guys? Have you talked to anyone and got your feelings out in the open about how you feel? It may help if you voiced your feelings out loud to a friend and seen how they take it.
I don't live in the UK, nor do I know their standards or how they accept the LGBT community. But my opnion would just to go and talk and get your feelings out so they're not bottled up.

Good luck to you!

[lostbutterfly]

Hi Cheyenne, thanks for the reply this sounds a little pathetic but at the minute im pretty much on my own, i have no friends or family i can talk with I had some very bad experiences when i told people about what was happening to me, i lost a lot of so called friends and actually suffered abuse some physical, because of this i moved to a new town and im very lonely and really lack confidence to go out. I have only been tring to live as a woman for a few months or so. So i have not got the nerve to go to a club but i do agree that would be the way maybe to meet someone, much like i did when i was a normal guy. It just seems so much more complicated now thank you so much for your help x

[Cheyenne]

How long has it been since you moved? You're not pathetic, at all.

Since you don't have anyone to go out with you as friends, try dressing up or buying some new clothes that make you feel good. And go out to a club or a bar or something and just see what happens. If a guy does talk to you, you don't have to tell him about your condition right away. Since you're new in town, no-one is going to be able to judge you because they know you. You have a chance for a fresh start, why not take it? Dress however you feel right in (male or female clothes) and go out. That's the only way you're going to know how what to do.

[DreamP346]

Butterfly, try to connect with the intersect support group. The first think you should understand it the intersect doesn't mean having both male and female parts. Its more complicated and there are a diverse group within the population. For example, you could be completely male on the outside, but have female parts on the inside. There is also a similar disorder where a girl doesn't develop the female hormones during puberty. Before puberty, they are like every other kid, but once puberty hits, they start identifying more as male. The other thing that intersects are usually a marginalized group that has gone through their own confusing time (and may often still be confused). They may not be in the exact same situation, but they will identify with being confused and being isolated.

The other thing is you need to explore the LGBTQ groups/bars/clubs/hangout places. These groups are used to not following the social "norm" so will be open to people of all different sexualities and body types. In fact, there is a whole group of men (some identify as straight and other as gay) who are attracted to people like you. The slang term is she-man. Most of those folks have breast implant surgery and take hormones. You are lucky that for you its natural. If you've looked up porn, she-man porn is very popular. You are in the exoticized group. There will be plenty of men interested in having a relationship with you. You just need to be in circles where they don't ostracize you for being the person you are. Its easier to find these groups in large cities. But also, you need to reach out the the support groups and start connecting with other people.

[lostbutterfly]

Hi Cheyenne once again thank you i moved about 7 months ago now, i just needed to get away, i have only moved about 30 miles away but i really wanted it to be a new start. I often shop online due to my confidence, its very hard for me to go out as a man as i have large boobs and in general i am quite feminine, well compared to how i use to be any way lol but my breasts are the biggest issue. Then again i dont feel im convincing as a woman so im in a catch 22 situation. But the clothes i buy are ok i think in general but its hit and miss, im no style guru when it comes to dressing as a woman lol. Hopefully with time and the kind of advice i have been receiving of this forum i can build my confidence and get opinions on how i actually look, its hard to tell when your looking at yourself all the time lol. Thanks again x

Hi sp346, thank you for your reply I agree with what you say, i know there are many types of inter sex conditions, but im finding it very hard to find any one here in the UK that runs a support group in my area, i cannot travel because i have no transport or funds to do so at the minute so i do feel secluded. I have been given information at my gender clinic about bars and meetings that are in my area but im not at the stage where i feel i can do that just yet, i wished i could. I Have been called a she male on many occasions in the past, and i understand that there is people out there who find it interesting and sexual, i just worry that i would be seen as an oddity and a sexual fantasy more than a woman and a person but i guess time will tell. Thanks again for your help and advice x

[jns]

lb, from what I have seen, it would be better to be in a large city than in a less urban area if you want to meet people who identify with your gender identity. I say this having lived in Hollywood, CA for 3 1/2 years. Hollywood is very diverse. I also came from a rural area where everybody knows everybody's business. I currently live in a suburban city next to Los Angeles city in Los Angeles County. There are certain neighborhoods in Los Angeles city and the city of West Hollywood that are more LGBT friendly (as well as having high LGBT populations and LGBT political control). Because of the mix of people in these neighborhoods, it is much less likely that you would get unsolicited negative, comments when doing ordinary things, such as going to the store. I would think a city like London would have its LGBT friendly neighborhoods, too. Unfortunately, living in cities can be expensive.

[lostbutterfly]

Hi jns, thanks for your reply Yes i would love to live in London or Birmingham and my be Brighton, they have a very active trans and gay community, where i am at the moment is a little secluded and due to money problems i will be here for some time. But i must admit since moving about 7 or 8 months ago i have not had any problems where i am, i mean i do not go out socially as a woman but i do go out to the shops and for walks in parks and so on, and so far i feel ok doing this and not scared or worried which is good. I will just keep going the best i can and hopefully with time my confidence will come and i can live my life and make new friends and so on thats the plan anyway lol Thank you x