[MCR100]

Hi everyone,

I am rather shy when it comes to communication about sex with my boyfriend, as we started having sex not long ago. (I was a virgin when we met). I have always been shy but I am frustrating myself with being to shy to tell him exactly what I want or initiate sex. I want to mix things up and try new things but I can't seem to be able to express myself.

I am trying to come out of my box, but I think I need a little help.

[rcoreyus]

A lot of people have this problem, yet most people would really like to know what their partner enjoys. If he isn't too shy, you could start by asking him to tell you what he most wants (an do it if its reasonable). Then if he is at all reasonable he will ask you - might be a bit easier to tell him if you are asked, rather than just openly telling him.

FWIW, any reasonable partner will WANT to know what you like. They may not be willing to do everything you ask, but they should be happy knowing.

In the end though you just need to take the plunge and ask.

[LisaW1991]

Yeah, I've got a couple of friends who have strong sex drives, yet struggle with how to express themselves, even to the point where they won't even let their BF know what they like\dislike when having sex. Maybe a they will hint non-verbally, but if he doesn't take the hint, then they won't say anything. Like one friend enjoys getting oral sex, but she'll never ask him.

My suggestion is maybe say later "I really liked it when you...., because...., it makes me feel...."

I was pretty young when I first had sex and really didn't know it was OK to say anything during sex, I just kinda thought guys knew what to do, but it turned out that most of them didnt, except knowing how to thrust in\out and maybe a little bit more if I was lucky. And I guess I didn't really know either, so it was learning process for me too, I mean at the time I didn't know that I could have an orgasm, I thought it was something that only happened to guys.

[shoshannah]

I'm also pretty shy, even after being with my fiance for almost four years. It may take a while for you to get more comfortable with the idea of sharing your sexuality with him.

Regarding telling him what you want: to let him know in general what you like, have you considered writing it down for him? Just tell him you're still finding your comfort level and leave him a note for him and ask him to read it and then destroy the note. If you want to communicate what you want in "real time" during sex, you can do things like put his hands where you want them to go, or when he does something you like just moan or say "I like that" or "Do more of that." You don't have to have a long conversation.

As for initiating, you don't need words there either. If you want to signal that you want or are available for sex later on, make sure to wear clothes, perfume, etc. that you know he finds attractive. To actually initiate, get clingy, kiss him, and then rub up against him and let your hands wander--no need to make a big deal of it, he'll get the message. You can do this before or after you're in bed. This is almost always how I initiate. Plus, the more you do it, the easier it will be for him to read the signals in the future.

HTH.

[MCR100]

Thank you for your reply. It is good to know other people have similar problems that I struggle with.