[lotos]

Hello everyone, long story short: I've known this man for a couple of years, I used to be madly in love with him, but he rejected me several times telling me he felt nothing in any way- feelings and sexual way. Then, several months ago we became sex buddies (on his will) and we are having sex once in a week, but often just oral. He didn't have a sexual relationship for several years and I was his first partner in a long time.
He says he can control himself and can stay hard without ejaculating for more than an hour. It had happened a few times and it was good, but most of the time he cums really quickly - in about 10 minutes and even less than 5. Sometimes, when I give him oral, he says that I have to be careful not to "finish him so fast". Other times he cums after just a couple of strokes (if we are having sex). I've mentioned it once, during a scandal, and he told me that he just didn't care and that is why he didn't try to control himself. Other times he tells me I'm good at oral and it is hard for him to control himself.
I really can't understand, is it really because he doesn't care, is it because he haven't had sex in a while? Is it because of me? What do you think?

I am beginning to feel really insecure about myself, my looks and my sex level, although until this "relationship" I have always felt confident. And he says there is physical attraction towards me, because otherwise we wouldn't have sex in a first place.

[rcoreyus]

Some guys are just quick. If he is willing to do other things for you, then that isn't a big problem. Certainly you shouldn't feel insecure, if he is finishing too quickly it must be because you are too attractive / stimulating / good at what you are doing.

[CoolBreeze]

The key to great physical intimacy is open and clear communication. Mentally you and your partner must be at the same frequency. There is no reason for you to feel guilty if he is being triggered prematurely. Include nice and thorough foreplays as part of your regimen. Remember time in such cases is a relative term not an absolute one to be measured against the clock. It all boils down to how both of you feel and enjoy the company of each other.

[lotos]

Well, we always have foreplays and he always makes sure that I orgasm, the last time he finished really fast but he still wanted me to orgasm, so he continued. He is not an egoist sex partner. But it keeps bothering me that he doesn't like me and/or the sex. And it is all because of this one time when he said he doesn't care. Now I feel like he doesn't really want to be with me, and is with me only because he has nobody else to be with and that is why he finishes fast, because he can't stand the situation I am really confused. Also because several times the sex continued for more than an hour, with foreplay and penetration.

[CoolBreeze]

Well, we always have foreplays and he always makes sure that I orgasm, the last time he finished really fast but he still wanted me to orgasm, so he continued. He is not an egoist sex partner. But it keeps bothering me that he doesn't like me and/or the sex. And it is all because of this one time when he said he doesn't care. Now I feel like he doesn't really want to be with me, and is with me only because he has nobody else to be with and that is why he finishes fast, because he can't stand the situation I am really confused. Also because several times the sex continued for more than an hour, with foreplay and penetration.

Try speaking with him honestly. Compare the times when the love making sessions were prolonged or had better quality for both of you to the times when you didn't feel the same. Does he have the same perception about your comparisons. Don't develop any notions until you have had a heart to heart talk with your partner. A down to earth dialogue always clears most situations. Don't let the confusions build up until it boils over. Wish you all the best.

[lotos]

Thanks. The problem is that every time I try mentioning it, he says that he has no time for stupid talks, that he has more important things than sex and ends the conversation. I'm always trying to show him that this is not making him a worse lover, but ... Oh, well, maybe it is really the fact that there are no feelings involved.

[CoolBreeze]

Thanks. The problem is that every time I try mentioning it, he says that he has no time for stupid talks, that he has more important things than sex and ends the conversation. I'm always trying to show him that this is not making him a worse lover, but ... Oh, well, maybe it is really the fact that there are no feelings involved.

I have sent you a DM.

[jns]

Well, we always have foreplays and he always makes sure that I orgasm, the last time he finished really fast but he still wanted me to orgasm, so he continued.

If he didn't like you, it would be hard for him to be enthusiastic when bringing you to orgasm.

[CoolBreeze]

Lotos what I wanted to convey was about your partner willing to give you pleasure which is a positive thing, but on the same side he should also be willing to listen to you. Be tactful when you address this issue to him as there is a possibility that he might be harboring some insecurities from his side.

[lotos]

Yes, he certainly is insecure (in my opinion) also because his ex left him for another man after a long relationship and he hasn't been with a woman for several years. And he doesn't trust any woman now. I am always trying to tell and show him that he is a good lover, and he is- he's always trying to get me to orgasm. In the beginning I used to be tensed and I couldn't reach the peak and he told me he thought it was his fault, so I explained him it doesn't always depend on the man so he doesn't have to worry.

But because of his experience with women I am thinking he is only using me. I will try to talk to him again.

Apart from that I feel pressured from the fact that he doesn't want anyone to know about our affair, we are both single and have nothing to hide, but still, he doesn't want anyone to know.

So, because of everything, now I am not able to orgasm and I am forced to pretend.