[AudyJoXoXo]

This has bothered me for about two years now and I'm to the point where it's effecting my happiness with my marriage. My husband and I have been together for almost 3 years total now (next month is the end of our first year of marriage) and when we first got together the sex was fantastic! My husband is really thin and in shape and I was about a size 9 but fit and we were lucky to get out of bed some days. But over the last two years I've been unable to really orgasm during sex with him. I find myself hiding in the bathroom to "clean up" after and just cry because I'm so distraught. Let me give some back story:

I've gained about 40 lbs due to a medical problem and can't shed the weight to save my life! I don't feel sexy any more and a size 15 on my 5'1" body just isn't beautiful to me. My husband still hits on me every day, tells me how gorgeous I am, and that he can't get enough of my curves but I just don't see it. Where we used to have sex in all different positions, now we rarely variate because some of them hurt me so bad or I get too exhausted. We go for about 20 minutes IF that and then he finishes and we're done... He can't go twice in a row and has never been able to but now he can't even hold off long enough for me to try and finish.

What can we try? I'm so sick of not having a good sex life! My husband has a rockin body (6'3" about 160 lbs with a six pack and all!), I should want to have sex all day, every day! But when I think about it I just get so sad. What's worse is I'm not entirely sure it's just me being self conscious, he doesn't spend time on me in bed. It's gotten so boring... He wasn't very experienced when we got together so he hasn't explored alot like I have but he just seems so shy in bed. All we do always the same and its for his benefit. He offers to do something to really drive me wild but I can't even think of anything that works for me anymore. I feel like it's never going to get better...

HELP!

[jns]

You have gained weight and lost your positive self image, but not because of anything he has done or said. He still finds you beautiful. But you are limited in the positions you can enjoy. Then you blame him for not lasting more than 20 minutes. Then you go on to say how everything is the same every day and he doesn't spend time on you so only he is benefiting.

To me it sounds like he has been shot down at every turn. He has pulled back to what works for him. Shooting him down about everything has him no longer exploring. I'm not saying to have him continue if something doesn't work, just figure out how to make it a positive experience to try another thing that is also new.

[antsinmypants26]

Obviously, you feel extremely insecure regarding the weight gain, and that plays a huge emotional role when it comes to sex. Your husband sounds like he adores you regardless (as any great husband should), and you should really play off of that. Have you considered toys to stimulate your clitoris? That could be a great asset to the bedroom, and more than likely you would orgasm. Also, what if you asked him to try and get you off first, so that both of you could be fulfilled in the end. Maybe incorporate more foreplay, especially him fingering you while you use the vibrator on your clitoris. That could work miracles, and after he orgasms you'd both feel a sense of completion. Stay positive!

[AudyJoXoXo]

jns, I never said I blame him. I understand it's hard for him too. Believe me, he bugs me about having sex constantly. We have it about 2 times a week now when we used to do it every day. He's never been able to last long, even when we first started dating. I know he can't help it though.

ants(fun name by the way!), we tried using a toy in bed once and he wasn't too into it. It felt fantastic for me! Lol. But he never had us try it again. I've asked him to try and help me by having longer foreplay but after a minute or two he always tries to start having sex already. He has no patience and it's really frustrating.

I'm just trying to figure out new ways to try and get it to work better. I love my husband to death, he's fantastic, but we need advise on how to fix this.

[jns]

We go for about 20 minutes IF that and then he finishes and we're done... He can't go twice in a row and has never been able to but now he can't even hold off long enough for me to try and finish.

jns, I never said I blame him.

I interpret your statement as blaming him, even if you never voice it or even think of it that way. The fact that you articulate it the way you did could mean that you may have body language that indicates that you are unhappy that he doesn't last longer. This may emanate from your unconscious mind, not your conscious mind; in other words, you may not even realize what your body is saying to him or even his unconscious mind.

With your husband not being interested in foreplay, I can see why it is frustrating. Has he ever been able to get you to climax during foreplay? If so, by what method? What does he find objectionable to taking a longer time to get you going?

Your husband is very fit, I would say somewhat thin for an adult (I was his size and physique when I got out of high school - I'm the same height). I consider I was in better health when I was 20 pounds heavier, although I wasn't using a shovel and a hoe at that time, so I didn't have the muscle development in my stomach to the same degree. Does he work out to stay that thin or is it something job related? I'm trying to figure out if he really has an objection to being fat. When I look back on my attitudes at a young age, I didn't give much allowance to those disposed to have more fat as staying reasonably thin was very easy. Life kind of slapped me up side of the head later.