[Teytey]

Hello everyone,
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years now.. and I love him dearly. He's the nicest person I know and he cares so much about me. I love spending time with him - he makes me laugh and I'm comfortable around him. I can cuddle in bed and talk with him for hours still!
However, I have absolutely no desire to have sex at all. When we start kissing or foreplay, I still don't feel any desire. And when we have sex I never feel fully pleasured. Sex feels like a chore.. and I really want to do everything in my power to enjoy it again.
I'm worried that the reason I don't want to have sex anymore is that I'm not physically attracted to my partner anymore. He has gained weight since we started dating, and he is very self conscious in bed. I suppose mainly because it's so hard to please me these days.
We've tried scheduled date nights every Friday where we can plan to do something different and intimate.. but it hasn't been working.
I'm also on both birth control and anti-depressants, and have been on them for about 4 or 5 years. When we were first dating, the sex was great.. but that may have been because he's the first sexual partner I've ever had; and I wasn't on the pills at that point.
I really REALLY want to make this work. Growing up my step dad was physically and mentally abusive and even touched me inappropriately sometimes as a kid. I found someone who is COMPLETELY different than him.
My boyfriend's kind and compassionate and thoughtful.. and I want to be able to please him again.
Does anyone have some advice they could give me? I'm desperate!!!

[HussyOrNot]

antidepressants REALLY messed with my "O". As in impossible to have one. Sex drive too. That's my best guess!

[Teytey]

Yea, that's what I'm thinking. I can't help but worry that there will still be problems when I eventually go off them... Especially because we're planning on getting married in a year.

[jns]

Work with your doctor to find something effective that doesn't interfere with your sex drive.

[Teytey]

It's just so hard to tell if it's a lack of sex drive or if I'm not attracted to my boyfriend anymore. Since I've never been with anyone else, I have no way of knowing. I'm terrified that we'll get married and I'll realize that I've been stringing him along. On the flip side, I'm terrified of breaking up an making a huge mistake that could have been fixed. I haven't been sleeping over this...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You say he's put on weight and feels self conscious.

After 7 years often a sex life needs to be spiced up. New things added and a Man in my opinion still has to feel like one, consequently he acts like one. If he is just feeling nothing works, it's deflating from his end and so, it's deflating from your end, there is no confidence left.

Also, I think, I think you may be worried about whether you have made the right choice, you know he's a mate, love being with him, but not sure if he is turning you on, can, will... But then how can he if he is feeling deflated? And, often comfort eating happens and so weight.

In a way you have to pull this together behind every man is a woman and that woman makes a man.

Does that make sense?

For sure antidepressants don't help, take things away from us, numb.

I too think first off to see your Doctor and find a lower dose. To be honest, a lot of what we can do, in life, is being positive and we can change so much it's not funny...

Doctors give us drugs .... That just keeps us in this "state" when we can, see life in a better way if we want to believe.

Having said that I do KNOW that things are real. Sometimes it's not within our reach to do this. But if it is? Then goals/dreams/ change your life, a little and watch it change in a good note.

[JonDoe]

Stop treating it like a chore and treat it like a reward.

Make the Nike slogan your personal mantra.... "Just do it!"

The less you do it, the less you want to do it. Conversely, the more you do it, the more you want to do it. Sexual inertia. Rolling stones gather no moss.

[BabyGirl]

Stop treating it like a chore and treat it like a reward.

Make the Nike slogan your personal mantra.... "Just do it!"

The less you do it, the less you want to do it. Conversely, the more you do it, the more you want to do it. Sexual inertia. Rolling stones gather no moss.

Awesome Intro.
Nike is a brand,Converse is also and No one beats the Rolling Stones
>>>~~>

But Chose the Path.You wish to Tread.
And make sure that you have Lived this and you have enough Room in your Heart to Publish
It.

Then Follow through with it


In your Old Tennis Shoes or even Barefoot .
It's Your Foot Prints that are left Behind .

And those that left you behind .
It's only a Generation.

[Teytey]

Hmm.. I wish I could 'just do it'.. And trust me I've tried. I try and force myself to believe i want it. But I just simply don't enjoy sex anymore. I don't orgasm, and I'm not going to lie to my band pretend I do.

[Obelisk]

The drugs could be messing with your libido.

As a guy I have to say that dude needs to work out. It's ridiculous that women are expected to be skinny and hot, while the guy thinks he can become overweight and pudgy.

I want to look as good for my woman as she wants to look good for me. If you are comfortable with him, you might tell him that you'll like to join a gym and that you'd like to him to come with you.

He can follow an easy plan like "Body For Life", and then you'd both enjoy each other again more.

Definitely go off the drugs too if you can.