[Ha-Yes]

First off, I need to give you a little background in order for you to be able to give me an opinion about my situation. ****My wife was a virgin when we got married at the age of 19. **Her belief's were that masturbation, oral sex, and sextoys were a sin and she thought it was gross. ** My wife and I have been married almost 20 years now. **We would make love sparatically, maybe once or twice a month for the first couple years. **She felt bad about not being able to perform her "wifely duties" so we had a talk about her lack of sexual desire. She complained about being too dry, I was using lubricated condoms and we were having 20 minutes or so of foreplay (basically heavy kissing and fondling each other) but she couldn't produce any natural lubricant on her own. **This was where I suggested oral sex. **She claimed that that was nasty and that she wouldn't let me do that to her. **I tricked her one night and began kissing her all over her body. **I then started to rub her and continued to kiss her body. **I then substituted my finger for my tongue. After a few seconds she realized what I was doing but she liked it so much she let me continue. **I loved this because this was the most pleasurable experience she had ever had, she continued for a while to allow me to do this, and she would pull my face into her and grind her hips, I could tell she enjoyed this as much as I did. **Next we discovered lubricants. **These two things brought about more frequency and our first child. ** After the first child was born we were busier with her and didn't have sex as often. **I decided one night to buy her a vibrator. **This was pretty interesting, I tried to do it like I did when I introduced her to oral sex, this time the results were not the same. As soon as the vibrator touched her she grabbed it from me and asked what it was. **I told her it was a vibrator and what it was supposed to do for her. **She then threw it across the bedroom and told me to get rid of it. **We discussed it for a while and she then agreed to look at it. **After she looked at it she said that she would try it as long as I didn't try to stick it in her. **So we did and it's a part of our normal routine now. ** This brings me to my purpose in writing this. **My wife sleeps most of the time in the fetal position away from me. **She sleeps with the arm on the side she lays on curled up to support her head. **Her other hand rests between her thighs. **The other night I awoke around three in the morning and felt a little movement so I waited and tried to recognize a pattern. **They were small jerky almost completely unnoticeable. **I then rolled on my side and placed my hand under her shirt, around to the front, on to her stomach under her arm. **I immediately noticed that she was breathing like we were having sex. **I kept my hand there and after a minute or so I slowly felt the tendons in her forearm begin to flex. **I knew that she was masturbating. **I let her finish and I just felt her go. **I didn't know what to do with this knowledge, so for the past few nights I have been waking up around three to see if she would do it again. We'll three nights ago I woke up and felt those same jerky movements again. **This time I just turned over and tried to get my hand back in the same position it was in before. **As soon as my hand touched her side she jerked her hand back and said, "leave me alone!" **I did, but I tried to stay awake to see if I could feel her go back to what she was doing, but she didn't. ** Last night I couldn't contain myself any longer, I started off telling her about the first night and that I wasn't sure if she was asleep or awake. **She listened and then said that she wouldn't do something like that because it was gross and sick. **I then reiterated that I didn't know if she was awake or asleep, and I described the movements in more detail. **She still claimed that she wouldn't do that. **I then explained that it made me horny and that it was ok to do that from time to time and that I enjoyed feeling her do that to herself. ****I then told her what happened three nights ago. **This time she said that she had to be asleep. **She said that she was totally exhausted the last few nights. **She said that she believed that I had discovered this, but she still claimed to be asleep the last 3 nights but offered no defense to earlier in the week. **So do you think this has been going on for a while? **How do I get her more open to the idea? How do i get her to explore this more? How do I get her comfortable enough to let me watch her?

[jns]

Are her belief rooted in religion or personal beliefs? I think it is going to be hard to get her to change her personal code after all of these years.

[Ha-Yes]

A little of both, but she has swayed on the other sexual acts.

[JonDoe]

My wife would not let me perform oral on her for many years into our marriage, and she wouldn't perform oral on me either. Then one night, I said the following "I very much like giving and receiving oral sex, but you have been unreceptive to the idea. I won't force you to do anything and I know that you trust me entirely. So I want you to really try to lay back, relax, let go of your inhibition and let me show you how amazingly pleasurable this can be for us. If you truly don't like it, then I will never ask again. However, if you do like it, then I am here to eagerly please you in many ways." She was hooked on receiving oral from that day forward! She has selfishly not been as eager to return the favor, but I'm patiently working on her. She is much more open to the idea, but is still far from mastering the skill of fellatio, which I think is her only remaining hang up regarding this.

My wife claimed also to never masturbate, but I knew otherwise. To respect her privacy, I never let her know that I had walked in on her several times. However, last year I walked in on her masturbating several times over the span of a few weeks. Unlike before, she realized I had entered the room and she was ****ed at me and would not let me join in, but continued to masturbate to orgasm after I left the room each time. I tried reassuring her that it is natural and it is a turn-on for me to know she is masturbating, and would be an even bigger turn on to watch. I also let her know how hurtful it was that she was dishonest with me and that she was withholding sex from me while taking care of her own needs by masturbating. Prior to this, she never touched herself during sex, even at my request. If I moved her hand to indicate for her to touch herself, she would move her hand away and make a frustrated sound. Fast forward to today, she is open to oral sex, touching herself and using a vibrator; however, I am still working on the frequency of having sex. My wife still claims to very rarely masturbates, even though I have found her in the bedroom with the door locked numerous times recently. Again, I respect her privacy.

[JonDoe]

...snipped...