[LaraTheOnigiri]

Hello all!

My name is Lara, I'm new here, and decided to sign up as a way of talking about my problems, and hopefully giving other people insight and advice on theirs!

Me and my boyfriend have been together now short of 2 years and we live together.
When we first hooked up, I faked most of the orgasms I had (yes I admit it).
Sometimes it would be to make him feel better or not to put him through lots of effort in achieving my orgasm, since we all know it does take effort.
Unfortunately, what started as "I'm not really serious about you" and skepticism about our future together (I didn't think we would last), has turned into a problem. Since we have been together for a while, he thinks anything he does makes me orgasm.
I'm sure everyone can see my problem. I have been making him believe he is so good, but now I don't know how to re-train him. Worrying that telling him where/how/what to do will make him question my true feelings. I just want to start again, NEW GAME+ in our sex life but I'm finding it difficult with the complicated situation I put my self in.

Just wondering if anyone is or ever was in a similar situation and what your opinion on the situation is.

Kind regards to all,
Lara x

[Doll-HouseFiction]

Lara,

I was the exact way in my previous relationship however things got turned around pretty quickly due to some quick tips i learned from my mom (yeah i know). What i did was sat him down one day and told him: "You know, I want to try something different...something fun and exciting for both of us!". I told him let's experiment with pleasuring each other and I'll try to hold off as long as i can in order to achieve the "maximum orgasm".

So we did this, both of us sitting facing in each other in bed..our legs wrapped around one another. I directed him where to place his fingers, asked him to take it slow and easy. I showed him the way and he LOVED it. Men who love you will do anything it takes to make the sex life fun and exciting so they will dedicate whatever time necessary to get you off. So he rubbed me patiently until i came and I REALLY did. The next step after this was of course the sex itself, and you just gotta tell him that this time you are taking it slow and taking your time and you can direct him to wherever you like. He will think this is a major ego boost and you are playing some kind of new and ADVANCED sex game and they will love it.

Just my experience, results may vary.

[Obelisk]

I agree with Dollhousefiction.

Don't tell the guy you were faking it, EVER!

Instead, work it as something you've wanted to have him do to you but were afraid to ask him. If he says "well I thought you were getting off fine before" you can say "well it's getting a bit boring, I want to try something new" then show him what does get you off.

[rcoreyus]

I think its OK to admit to him that you were faking, and what things he does that do make you orgasm.

[Obelisk]

I think its OK to admit to him that you were faking, and what things he does that do make you orgasm.

I don't know about that, the guy might feel hurt. If he's a good guy he'll probably get over it, but even bring it up when there's more tactful ways to do it?

[jns]

If you tell him you've been faking it, do it way down the line after he has got good at giving you orgasms for real. Doll has some good advice.

Your experience is the reason why not to fake it. Guys who know how to spot the real deal would generally spot a fake, but I suppose a person who was really good at it could fool most.

[LaraTheOnigiri]

Hey everyone!

Thank you for your responses! I think they are all very valuable.
To be honest, I know lying is bad, but I'm naturally worried about the effect a confession will do. I know it's the right thing, but...
I had a long hard think, and probably the best thing to do is to STOP! NOW! And start again, but without bruising his ego. Basically what Doll-HouseFiction said (you have an awesome mum!), sort of starting over without making it too obvious. But no more faking! If it don't happen, then it does not, and tell him of it. And jns, I think your right. I will tell him. But maybe a little later? ;o
I did come home last night and was all passionate and sensual, lured him into bed and took the lead. Major improvement! I guess it's about weaning him to slow down?

On another though, do guys fake? I have had suspicions that my boyfriend has on 1 or 2 occasions.

Thanks everyone
Lara

[rcoreyus]

I'm sure some guys fake, though its more difficult of course.

If people could get away from the idea that the only goal of sex is an orgasm, we wouldn't have this problem.

[EricNYU]

I don't think I would want to know. If she said it was one or two times I could probably handle it but for that long and every time? It would always be there in the back of my mind. I don't get sex that often, not when I was married and not now, so I'm ready to explode when i get it, I never faked it with anybody.

[fremdeizr]

Hey everyone!

On another though, do guys fake? I have had suspicions that my boyfriend has on 1 or 2 occasions.

Thanks everyone
Lara

Hi Lara, just speaking for myself as a guy, I've never faked it and couldn't imagine how a guy could successfully pull it off. For me, it's usually too intense, too loud and vocal, too heart racing with some perspiration, my breathing too unmistakable, erection at its largest, and far too much ejaculate to try to emulate all this in the absence of an orgasm. Not all my orgasms will be earth shattering though. On rare occasion I will have an orgasm that is simply less intense than usual. It is not the pre-ejaculatory phase. For me, it has only happened when my mind was cluttered with something else troubling me and I was not able to clear my mind to enjoy the experience. Also, I have heard that some medication can play havoc on the ability to have an orgasm at all (some anti-depression meds, in particular), though I have not personally experienced this phenomenon because I'm not taking any prescription medication. Perhaps one of these possibilities is what your boyfriend experienced once or twice.

Before my wife and I even begin sexual contact, I usually have a very good idea about whether I will be able to have an orgasm or not. In the rare event when I think that I won't be able to have it due to being tired or just recently already having an orgasm, I'll communicate honestly with my wife right at the beginning that I want her to continue but that it's going to take me a long while, or that I probably won't be able to finish with an orgasm, and I'll tell her that's OK with me because our physical connection is the goal and the most important thing, not the orgasm. I do this because my wife became really disappointed one time when I was unable to orgasm during oral sex, through no fault of her own. Sometimes I will surprise both of us and have an orgasm anyway. It also takes the pressure off of both of us.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend.