[shamballa]

I have been with my partner for a year and have been on top for a year, except for twice when he went on top because I asked him to as I couldn't. He is the most loving, gentle soul but I just don't understand this. He is very sensitive so I don't feel I can ask him about it, everything is the same every time, we touch each other then I go on top, he never opens his eyes, i'm sure he tries to hide his face and I've never met anyone so quiet, he doesn't make a sound, is he just extremely shy?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That to me would feel like sex. And, not really the best either, if his eyes are always closed.

Intimacy is about bonding together.

I understand your thought pattern, I think. If you say something, here we go again, you will be making him feel that it's not good sex and never has been.

Why not keep adding in the "you have to" on top with him, to start with, and ask him to look at you, (lovingly) and stroke his face or something here and there, so that he sees the difference, feels the difference.

My concern is that on top, he doesn't have to do anything, just lay there pretty much and so, where is the bond from intimacy going to come from?

Sometimes we have to speak... And, create the difference - lead. Maybe you have to be a leader and see where it takes you .

If you think it's because he's shy.......

But also remember, relationships should be open in communication, have to be open in communication for it to be a great relationship.

[shamballa]

Thank you, I hadn't ever thought of asking him to look at me, i'll try that. You're spot on about the communication, I suppose I find it a bit uncomfortable to say anything but i'm in it for the long haul so i'll have a go.