[Poupée]

Hello everyone,

I will be honest with you so I can have the most honest advice from you. I already thank you in advance for your help.

We recently got married (10 months) after being together for 3 years, for a total of almost 4 years. We had our ups and downs of course but that period seems to be only downs.

I feel that my husband never understands me and he feels that I am constantly complaining. I found myself being a stay at home wife when this is not me and having tried it for now 2 years I hate it. Because of my status I can not work where we currently live, so the "selfish" solution for me would be to go back where we are from originally - he refuses that option. I do volunteering, have time to stay healthy and fit but not providing for myself, not being independent kills me. And this is what I believe my husband doesn't understand...

Our sexual life also has its ups and downs. Sometimes because of me (because I get depressed of being maintained) and sometimes because of him (because work can be tough). When our sexual life is at its best, everyone is happy of course. When it's because of him, I remain patient and understand. When it's because of me, the world has ended.

I decided to get some help today because I surprised myself being so angry that I broke a vase. I never knew I could get violent while angry, therefore I am seeking help.

We have been having a lot of sex last month until Mrs Red (my period) came. But many times my husband had found himself not able to keep it up; sometimes he would go soft completely, other times half hard. He gave me the reason that he took something that should have gone away... but apparently never did. Once Mrs Red left, obviously sex time would be back. Well not really because twice I fell asleep (I apologized but it didn't matter). The night before I suggested we have sex but he didn't feel like it (and it's ok). Then yesterday we were into it and same problem of no erection. Then we started talking and he made it clear that it's because he is frustrated by the fact that I told him we were going to have sex and fell asleep. Further in the discussion the blow job and ejaculating in my mouth was brought up. And as I was trying to explain to him that I don't like the taste in my mouth and it makes me gag (tried it with him many times). He took it to a whole other level and made it appear as if it was something I was ok doing and doing often and then now suddenly I don't like it. I clarified that I was never ok doing it and did it to please him but always told him that I don't like it. He never understood and kept telling me that he is not a piece of meat, that I am talking to him like he is disgusting, he is not asking me to drink his pee and so on...At this point I suggested to use the condom so he could come in my mouth. Oh Lord! I never knew this suggestion could be such an insult. My apologies were not accepted for having made that suggestion and we have been fighting since. I was trying my best to communicate with him but he really got into me with what he wants to believe and was saying and I got angry :-(

1- I think my husband is having some erectile problems (temporary or not, I don't know yet) and is taking it on me. I don't know how to bring the subject without "insulting" him. This is where I could use your advices.

2- I read in many places how important it is for some men to ejaculate in the mouth. I would like to be able to satisfy him. Any advice on how I could get there without gagging or make funny faces?

[muffin70]

Well I think you need to sit down with your husband and have a talk to him about things in general - avoid talking about sex at this stage
tell him how you feel about not being able to work...etc... and how that makes you feel. You both need to open up to each other about how you're feeling about things, work, life in general.... make sure you tell him you love him and care about him deeply...etc... hopefully he will tell you the same

As for your husbands erection problems - there are many things that could be to blame.... stress at work, family problems, money problems, health problems like Diabetes - all can effect a mans ability to get or maintain an erection. But do talk to him about it and tell him it's ok and you want to help him with the problem because it is your problem too!

and for you giving him oral sex and swallowing - you don't have to do anything you don't want to and he should never force the issue on you.... My wife doesn't like the taste of my penis and doesn't like messy cumshots, so we use flavoured condoms (chocolate is her favourite!). it's not my preferred way of receiving a blowjob, but I'd rather have it that way than not receive a blowjob at all!

The main thing is to sit down and talk to him about things

[rcoreyus]

Sounds like there are a lot of other problems and these are impacting your sex life. I completely understand your feeling frustrated not being able to work - I would never fell comfortable in a situation where I wasn't able to be independent. Will your status change so that you can work in the near future? Was this a surprise, or is it what you were expecting but it is much more difficult than you imagined? I don't have any good ideas there.

Try not to let your frustrations with life interfere with your sex life - I know that is difficult. Try to set aside time. A few comments on your sex life:

Many (most ) men get erectile dysfunction at some point - and worrying about it will make it much worse. Find sexual things to do together that work when he isn't hard. Find other ways that he can please you for now, and if he stops worrying the problem will probably fix itself.

Does he do his best to do what you enjoy in bed? Sex shouldn't be a trade, but it is nice if each partner can do their best for the other. While you shouldn't feel you MUST do something you don't like, it is nice to make the effort (if he does as well)

Oral sex is a real sticking point with many people. Made worse because some women really do enjoy doing it, others hate it. It doesn't matter to some men, but to others is really important, and finishing in their partners mouth somehow matters a lot. I doubt they could explain it themselves. IF (and its a very important "if") he really does his best to please you, then I think it is worth trying. OTOH, it feels that he is just using you, and doesn't want to do things that you enjoy, then there are other problems.

[Poupée]

I have sit down and talked to my husband many times. But he doesn't seem to be receptive and sometimes I even think he does that in purpose to not take any responsibility. I have talked so many times about how being dependent affects me. When we decided to move, my mistake was to believe him with the calculations. His income was supposed to be able to take care of both of us, now I have lost my savings, my credit is down the toilet, my car parked collecting dust for over a year now, my car insurance gone and my independence that I have worked hard to earn. I don't blame him for those losses at all, but now that things got worst for me, I want him to be conscious of that and we need to do something about it. He sees it differently as I can use his car and ask him for money when I need...that is his solution, which doesn't work for me. I don't even know how else to bring the subject to have him understand...

*muffin70
Concerning oral sex I agree that I don't have to do anything I don't want to. But I feel that it's an effort I can do to avoid sexual frustration. And because I have been cheating on, I live in fear that he will cheat on me to satisfy his needs as it seems to be so important to him. I suggested the condom and he got insulted and he'd rather not do it than to do it with a condom. It's clear to me that I have to do it as he wants me to, there are no meet me half way...

*rcoreyus
I can't really say that he doesn't do his best in bed as I am really not demanding. But I did ask many times that instead of making me have an oral sex orgasm, I'd rather he gets me close to there and then finish with intercourse. It never happened...But it doesn't bother me much as I am more of a vaginal person and prefer intercourse anyway.

It has been two days that we don't talk now. I am sleeping in the guest bedroom and he closes the bedroom door (I am assuming so I don't go in the bedroom, because since I know him we have never slept with the door closed). Right now I am out strength to fight, all I do is cry and want to leave but have no where to go, nor the means to go away. I really don't know what to do... I am hurt, tired and ****ed of

[rcoreyus]

All I can suggest is to try as much as you can to separate your financial situation from your sex life. The combination is a horrible tangle, but maybe they can be solved separately.

Since you are married, you should both try not to think of it as your using "his" money or "his" car. If you can convince yourselves that these are owned collectively, then you won't feel so dependent. Its still tough though that you can't have a job.

Then, try to work on your sex life. The good news is that it has nothing to do with money or work - it is something you can enjoy together.

I know its difficult

[Poupée]

All I can suggest is to try as much as you can to separate your financial situation from your sex life. The combination is a horrible tangle, but maybe they can be solved separately.

Since you are married, you should both try not to think of it as your using "his" money or "his" car. If you can convince yourselves that these are owned collectively, then you won't feel so dependent. Its still tough though that you can't have a job.

Then, try to work on your sex life. The good news is that it has nothing to do with money or work - it is something you can enjoy together.

I know its difficult

It is so hard. I am not used to be dependent and I don't like it. It's not about "his" things as being separate to "my" things. I don't feel like that at all as he pays for absolutely everything. But always being in a position to ask is degrading for me. His car is the company car and I can't even drive it technically, on top of not being insured myself. I know that sex should not be linked to the financial situation but I am not happy. And this is what causes me sometimes to feel down and not want to have sex...

On my side I believe i am making all the effort necessary to please him. Proof is that I am on a board asking for advice on how to do something that I don't even like, just so I can please him. And I really do want to please him...I don't understand why suggesting to meet him half way by using a condom degenerated to sleeping in separate room and even worse, me being not allowed in our bedroom...

[DreamP346]

It really sounds like your husband is a controlling man. If he is the sole money earner, you shouldn't have to ask him for money. There should be a joint account you can both spend from. It almost sounds like he is doing all of this on purpose to keep you dependent on him. He blames you for all the problems in the bedroom when that is not the case at all. Blaming his lost erection on you falling asleep one night, com'on! That is ridiculous.

There are too many other issues going on here. Oral sex is not the solution. You guys need to work on your relationship first.

First, take care of yourself. Fix your financial situation. It is not good for you as an individual or as a couple. Look for option on working. People do all types of small jobs to make money like starting a cupcake business or cleaning houses or an online business. If not, maybe you can move back and maintain a long distance relationship

Second, work on your communication. You need to make your husband listen to you. Right now he has no reason to listen. You are completely dependent on him. He knows you will not leave him. You try to accommodate all his sexual needs. Why should he bother try to make any changes? Only you know your husband well. Figure out how to make him understand.

Only after this issues are managed can you focus on your sex life. You may find that the sexual issues will resolve when the other issues are taken care of. They often do.

[rcoreyus]

sp346 has the key, you should not need to ask for things, they should belong to both of you. The company car does make that difficult in that particular case but all the money should belong to both of you, so you shouldn't have to ask for it.

As far as oral sex - there is no point trying to understand why people want what they want. Clearly he wants oral sex where he finishes in your mouth, that is an important part of it for him (and is a common sort of fetish). You don't need to do it, especially if he isn't completely attentive to your needs. The meeting "half way" though may be missing the part that matters most to him .

Are you "not allowed" in the bedroom? Could it be that he closed the door because he wants to masturbate because you aren't having sex? Maybe you are both mis-reading the other's signs on this. Or maybe he really is closing you out - so hard to tell from just words on a website .

[PhrendlyPhil]

His erectile problems are probably 100% psychological and may require professional counseling (you might need to go along with him). You both have a LOT of issues going on right now. Taking his semen in your mouth should be the last one you work on, but when you eventually get to that one keep these things in mind: 1) He should not demand it or insist on it. 2) You try it when YOU are ready or when you are creating a "special" occasion. The act of ejaculating in a woman's mouth can give a man an intense feeling of intimacy, love, and acceptance. Properly, a woman should feel all of this too prior to offering such an act to her lover. If you truly cannot tolerate the taste, you could offer up some alternative places for him to ejaculate which would be equal if not more visually appealing: on your mouth instead of in it (major fantasy for a lot of men), on your breasts (most women are quite ok with this one), or wherever you can dream up. If you eventually bring yourself to take his semen in your mouth and don't want to swallow (many women don't), you could use your tongue to push it out over your lips and down your chin and onto your breasts (every man loves this one). You're happy because you didn't have to swallow, and he's happy because you just gave him a visual he'll cherish forever! And you can both have a great giggle over it. Hope that helps you.

[tinycit]

I read in many places how important it is for some men to ejaculate in the mouth. I would like to be able to satisfy him. Any advice on how I could get there without gagging or make funny faces?

If you want to swallow, that's easier than you might think. It just takes sincere desire to succeed and practice until you do. I gagged the first few times I swallowed. After that it was no trouble at all. The more I did it the better I got at doing it and the more I wanted to do it. I'm a swallowing fan. Like learning to ride a bike where you might fall off the first few times, you just have to expect that. Keep on going and you'll get the hang of it. If you look around online you can find swallowing videos and see how other women do it. Look at the videos with one woman swallowing cum from one man, not the videos where a woman swallows cum from ten different hunks or whatever (ignore those). In order to really enjoy swallowing I think it's important to bring a good attitude. Being positive, eager, excited and enthusiastic helps immensely. The way I like to do it is to have my husband sit down in a chair with me sitting on the floor in front of him. I have him stroke his penis while I talk dirty to him and beg him to cum into my mouth. When he's ready to cum he stands up. I put my head back and open my mouth wide. He holds my head and cums into my mouth. When he's done cumming, I quickly swallow, then take his penis and vigorously suck and lick it clean. He has his orgasm while I'm doing that. (His orgasm is separate from his cumming.) I don't pay much attention to how his cum tastes. Mostly it's good. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not very good. I can't say it's ever actually been bad. For heaven’s sake I don't make any funny faces or say anything discouraging. Just the opposite. No matter how his cum tasted, I always tell him it tasted wonderful, thick and salty just the way I like it. I also say thank you so he knows I liked it. I try hard to make sure he knows I love it and there's no pressure on him. Doing it this way makes it fun and enjoyable for me and ensures that he's not going to have any trouble getting hard, staying hard, cumming or having an orgasm. He can only cum in the early morning and only three or four times a week. If he isn't able to cum on any particular morning, then it's no big deal and we just try again the next morning, keeping everything positive, with no negativity.