Need Advice - 52 virgin- suddenly constantly aroused - Sorry so long
Background
I believe I am in menopause (about 17 mths since last period and it had been 8 months for the last one before that.)
I am a 52 y.o.virgin - largely religious reasons - but others as well. I developed large breasts young and guys were only interested in me for sex when I was hoping for a relationship and/or feared pregnancy. SO basically all I had done was make out (kissing and "2nd base") and even that has been a long time. I started getting bad panic attacks and dating was not easy for me when I could have a panic attack.
There have been a handful of guys I was interested in but the ones I was interested in were not interested in me and vice versa. I started gaining weight - never skinny but working too much and crappy genes meant I could gain weight on 1000 calories a day! But I played sports and exercised
Plus I was always extremely tight - it took a fair amount of time to even be able to use a tampon.
I do masturbate on occasion with a vibrator (externally) and clitoral stimulation.
A few years ago, I was getting closer to a man I was friends with and he was a huge flirt. SO I started thinking more about when (and how) I could have sex. And worried with how tight I was (at the time finally able o use Super tampons as my periods changed nearing menopause, but still very ) and whether a 40 something previously married guy would deal with having sex with a virgin who (w)couldn't have intercourse. My doc suggested that I could get (graduated) dilators. I did but just started, it hurt and the guy and I started seeing less of each other (and I learned he had a kind of casual relationship so I stopped trying the dilators.
Since my bouts of panic attacks (which had been better again until a few months ago) and living alone for so long and trouble sleeping (& with people in the same room let alone in the same bed), I had been resigned to being celibate and alone since I would be weird relationship material. Though every so often I'd meet some one who I'd wonder about but they were involved or not interested. Other guys would often come onto me but I would even want to date if I was not interested in them - but would make male friends.
OK zooming ahead to now. (Oh my best friend recently died and shortly before, my panic attacks had gotten pretty bad a bit before that. A few weeks ago my doc (nurse practitioner) decide that I could try Clonazepam and while I still have some panic it has been far better.
So now to were the issue at hand begins.
I met a guy at an event and while I was telling stories to the group (of some ridiculous incidents) I did notice that HE was not wearing a ring. I learned that he worked in the same field and gave him my business card and we were supposed to talk about job related things.
Next morning I wake up and find that he'd emailed me in the middle of the night, only a couple hours we left the event. His email included the job related stuff I was expecting, but also started a personal email "conversation" - he asked my age, then my relationship status. It started some fun (but to ME scary) banter. Then he tells me that he is "in a relationship.. most of it is good. But... Some missing elements" (He is never married and has no kids - I was trying to trust but verify - but in a lot of online checking this looks to be true) SO I said I would be happy to be friends, though I was attracted to him. And he seemed to accept. But flirtatious emails continued and I started to get aroused by the emails. (where he implies (cleverly worded) that he has been frequently masturbating thinking about me since we met; and I am getting more aroused (but with my history, thinking of this as probably just a fun sex-ting session)
{{I know several friends who met their long term S.O when the guy was still involved and the guys left the old GFs and the friends have been with the guys for long periods of time. But with my very odd "Issues" seemed to me to make it ridiculously hard to have a "Normal" relationship. I used to think the ideal relationship for me would be being in different cities and short periods of time together and getting together on occasion and living in separate homes. But yes I am still dealing with the physical and religious concerns.}}
We were both going to be at the same event the next week and he told me his SO would be there. I agreed to not "out" him - so far it was just a few suggestive emails and I really was genuinely curious to see her and excited to see him (since when I first met him I really wasn't expecting to be thinking of him sexually, but as a colleague.) Apparently she never showed (a friend told me about an old movie where the guy CLAIMED to be in a relationship to hold off/check out other women, when he wasn't and eventually he found the "right" woman for him - she planted that idea in my head.)
He was there - but since I didn't know her, I didn't know that she wasn't and we never spoke but there were a few hot glances. And while I was there ANOTHER guy was hitting on me (when it had been a long while before until the prior week and I was not attracted to him at all he was much older and I had enough on my plate) Anyway we did not get to talk, he missed me when I left by a different route, so when I got home I emailed asking which one was she? (she'd not been there, but people who knew her were, so later he claimed that was why he didn't come talk to me).
Well I masturbated and went to sleep to awake to an incredibly erotic email. He wrote about how much he liked my body and told me some fantasies of what he wanted to do to/with me. I had never had a guy come on to me like that (some tried a little far more clumsily, and since I wasn't attracted to them it did nothing for me) . He asked me when we would hook up or what reasons if not (asked if his "situation bothered" me) I didn't reply to that part right away but told him that I'd been very aroused as well. A day or two later he wrote an even more erotic /porn (forget 50 Shades, which I had not read - but read excerpts --his writings were much much hotter to me. I have been extremely aroused for days now. I have been masturbating all the time and finally spent some time with the various dilators and finally after a good amount of time with the vibrators (outside) and lubricant I have been able to stretch a bit. I cannot concentrate even when I am not masturbating and I am constantly reading the erotic passages over and over.
Intellectually I know that it is too soon (not in my life but for this situation) and he's likely a major cheat (YET I still debate if I should consider doing everything or everything but, to satisfy these overwhelming urges) . I know that it would appear to many that I was not showing enough self respect. But I am a 52 yo virgin (yes it has been my choice) who cannot see myself ever marrying or in "normal relationship"; and it has been years since I even made out with a guy. We are talking about following through on the job stuff and I keep wondering if I can wait to get to know him better and see if anything more "acceptable" develops. Knowing my history I don't expect it likely he'd have just been wanting a FB.
But I need to do my work and I am crazed with arousal. Another thought just came to me today, I wonder if the new medication (Clonazepam) I am taking for my panic attacks could be contributing to this. (If I were male I would have been walking around with a 4 day erection that masturbating only helps a bit for a short time.
)
Plus I wonder if this is some kind of "Side effect" or reaction to opening up/stretching my vagina. I have been doing it so much that my normal quick O from the external vibrator is taking longed an sometime just feels good and I cannot "finish". Hell I fell that if I don't get this under control I won't be able to walk or concentrate on my job.
Age, Built up, Meds, Menopause?? This has to ease up. Being aroused is great but not constantly for days.
And my religious/moral history makes it tough for me to just say "he's hot, I'm on fire, let's do it"
I am not some 20 y.o who is embarrassed about being a virgin, though it is not really anyone's business; It is what it is.
I believe I am in menopause (about 17 mths since last period and it had been 8 months for the last one before that.)
I am a 52 y.o.virgin - largely religious reasons - but others as well. I developed large breasts young and guys were only interested in me for sex when I was hoping for a relationship and/or feared pregnancy. SO basically all I had done was make out (kissing and "2nd base") and even that has been a long time. I started getting bad panic attacks and dating was not easy for me when I could have a panic attack.
There have been a handful of guys I was interested in but the ones I was interested in were not interested in me and vice versa. I started gaining weight - never skinny but working too much and crappy genes meant I could gain weight on 1000 calories a day! But I played sports and exercised
Plus I was always extremely tight - it took a fair amount of time to even be able to use a tampon.
I do masturbate on occasion with a vibrator (externally) and clitoral stimulation.
A few years ago, I was getting closer to a man I was friends with and he was a huge flirt. SO I started thinking more about when (and how) I could have sex. And worried with how tight I was (at the time finally able o use Super tampons as my periods changed nearing menopause, but still very ) and whether a 40 something previously married guy would deal with having sex with a virgin who (w)couldn't have intercourse. My doc suggested that I could get (graduated) dilators. I did but just started, it hurt and the guy and I started seeing less of each other (and I learned he had a kind of casual relationship so I stopped trying the dilators.
Since my bouts of panic attacks (which had been better again until a few months ago) and living alone for so long and trouble sleeping (& with people in the same room let alone in the same bed), I had been resigned to being celibate and alone since I would be weird relationship material. Though every so often I'd meet some one who I'd wonder about but they were involved or not interested. Other guys would often come onto me but I would even want to date if I was not interested in them - but would make male friends.
OK zooming ahead to now. (Oh my best friend recently died and shortly before, my panic attacks had gotten pretty bad a bit before that. A few weeks ago my doc (nurse practitioner) decide that I could try Clonazepam and while I still have some panic it has been far better.
So now to were the issue at hand begins.
I met a guy at an event and while I was telling stories to the group (of some ridiculous incidents) I did notice that HE was not wearing a ring. I learned that he worked in the same field and gave him my business card and we were supposed to talk about job related things.
Next morning I wake up and find that he'd emailed me in the middle of the night, only a couple hours we left the event. His email included the job related stuff I was expecting, but also started a personal email "conversation" - he asked my age, then my relationship status. It started some fun (but to ME scary) banter. Then he tells me that he is "in a relationship.. most of it is good. But... Some missing elements" (He is never married and has no kids - I was trying to trust but verify - but in a lot of online checking this looks to be true) SO I said I would be happy to be friends, though I was attracted to him. And he seemed to accept. But flirtatious emails continued and I started to get aroused by the emails. (where he implies (cleverly worded) that he has been frequently masturbating thinking about me since we met; and I am getting more aroused (but with my history, thinking of this as probably just a fun sex-ting session)
{{I know several friends who met their long term S.O when the guy was still involved and the guys left the old GFs and the friends have been with the guys for long periods of time. But with my very odd "Issues" seemed to me to make it ridiculously hard to have a "Normal" relationship. I used to think the ideal relationship for me would be being in different cities and short periods of time together and getting together on occasion and living in separate homes. But yes I am still dealing with the physical and religious concerns.}}
We were both going to be at the same event the next week and he told me his SO would be there. I agreed to not "out" him - so far it was just a few suggestive emails and I really was genuinely curious to see her and excited to see him (since when I first met him I really wasn't expecting to be thinking of him sexually, but as a colleague.) Apparently she never showed (a friend told me about an old movie where the guy CLAIMED to be in a relationship to hold off/check out other women, when he wasn't and eventually he found the "right" woman for him - she planted that idea in my head.)
He was there - but since I didn't know her, I didn't know that she wasn't and we never spoke but there were a few hot glances. And while I was there ANOTHER guy was hitting on me (when it had been a long while before until the prior week and I was not attracted to him at all he was much older and I had enough on my plate) Anyway we did not get to talk, he missed me when I left by a different route, so when I got home I emailed asking which one was she? (she'd not been there, but people who knew her were, so later he claimed that was why he didn't come talk to me).
Well I masturbated and went to sleep to awake to an incredibly erotic email. He wrote about how much he liked my body and told me some fantasies of what he wanted to do to/with me. I had never had a guy come on to me like that (some tried a little far more clumsily, and since I wasn't attracted to them it did nothing for me) . He asked me when we would hook up or what reasons if not (asked if his "situation bothered" me) I didn't reply to that part right away but told him that I'd been very aroused as well. A day or two later he wrote an even more erotic /porn (forget 50 Shades, which I had not read - but read excerpts --his writings were much much hotter to me. I have been extremely aroused for days now. I have been masturbating all the time and finally spent some time with the various dilators and finally after a good amount of time with the vibrators (outside) and lubricant I have been able to stretch a bit. I cannot concentrate even when I am not masturbating and I am constantly reading the erotic passages over and over.
Intellectually I know that it is too soon (not in my life but for this situation) and he's likely a major cheat (YET I still debate if I should consider doing everything or everything but, to satisfy these overwhelming urges) . I know that it would appear to many that I was not showing enough self respect. But I am a 52 yo virgin (yes it has been my choice) who cannot see myself ever marrying or in "normal relationship"; and it has been years since I even made out with a guy. We are talking about following through on the job stuff and I keep wondering if I can wait to get to know him better and see if anything more "acceptable" develops. Knowing my history I don't expect it likely he'd have just been wanting a FB.
But I need to do my work and I am crazed with arousal. Another thought just came to me today, I wonder if the new medication (Clonazepam) I am taking for my panic attacks could be contributing to this. (If I were male I would have been walking around with a 4 day erection that masturbating only helps a bit for a short time.
) Plus I wonder if this is some kind of "Side effect" or reaction to opening up/stretching my vagina. I have been doing it so much that my normal quick O from the external vibrator is taking longed an sometime just feels good and I cannot "finish". Hell I fell that if I don't get this under control I won't be able to walk or concentrate on my job.
Age, Built up, Meds, Menopause?? This has to ease up. Being aroused is great but not constantly for days.
And my religious/moral history makes it tough for me to just say "he's hot, I'm on fire, let's do it"
I am not some 20 y.o who is embarrassed about being a virgin, though it is not really anyone's business; It is what it is.
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