[faeluna]

My boyfriend and I are in our early twenties and have been together about a year. Earlier in our relationship and even before we started dating, we had these fun talks about sex. He mentioned it a few times that he loves giving oral and used to do it all the time in previous relationships. In the first couple months of the relationship, he went down on me three times, all for very, very short periods right before sex, and hasn't made an attempt since. At the time he said it was because I smelled funny. Two doctor visits later I find out that nothing is wrong with me. I've never had complaints before and don't notice anything odd down there myself.

I love giving head, but his lack of returning the favor makes me resentful and I don't do oral much anymore. Sometimes he'll push my head down there as part of foreplay and I'll do it for a minute just so I won't kill the mood, but that's it. One time I refused to do it and told him why and he got so mad! He said he thought we'd talked about it already. That was a couple months ago.

I want to be spontaneous and just give him head sometimes, but I hold myself back because I don't think he's being fair and I miss oral so much. Sometimes I crave it more than sex. I don't know what to do! He's a great considerate guy in all other aspects.

[kira]

You can't make someone like your taste and smell and punishing them for that is quite immature. Would you like someone to force you to eat a food you hate just because they love it? You wouldn't consider that fair would you? Why don't you try to help the problem instead of just being petty. You can try adding flavorings down there. Aside from your usual kitchen stuff like chocolate and honey they sell ones specifically for that purpose on adult sites. You can also try a dental dam which covers the whole area so there is no taste and little smell. Maybe a drop of perfume in your pubic hair or on your belly (don't get it on your vagina or it may cause irritation). See what you can come up with to counter his discomfort so that you both can enjoy it again.

[jns]

I have noted in other posts that there seems to be three types of men, those who object to giving a girl oral, those who do give oral, but only in the chasing part of the relationship and those who are enthusiastic about giving oral. It seems he may be of the second variety. I have never had an objection to the scent of a girl I have given oral to. That is not to say all are the same or all smell like soap from being just freshly cleaned.

I agree that punishing someone for personal dislikes is immature, but I see some incompatibility between you two on this point. Maybe he could tell you more specifically what he found objectionable about your scent. Then you could try to change it. Eating different foods can sometimes make a difference.

[faeluna]

I don't find it immature or petty, and I think you're awfully judgmental to say something so insensitive. His reaction to me even bringing it up makes me upset and self-conscious. I feel like he puts in zero effort to fix this problem. Won't talk, nothing. Just gets mad and defensive. The way I see it, he's being selfish. So why should I keep giving if he doesn't even try to give back?

[faeluna]

I balance out my food groups and track what I eat. I'm not sure what to change. Is there a chart or something? I've heard of different foods changing the way semen tastes, too. And for record, he tastes terrible. But I've never let that be the thing that stops me.

Oh and I forgot before: I wash myself regularly and use unscented soap, as directed by my doctor. I'm nearly trimmed up and never let it get out of hand.

[LizziB]

I don't think its petty. I often feel like men expect sexual favours without giving anything back (forgive the gross generalisation, I know there are plenty if exceptions). Although I don't think people should 'keep score' in an ideal world both parties should put in the effort to please the other. So you don't like giving head? I don't think you should be expected to do it, unless you want to of course.
i'm in a similar situation so obviously I relate, but I think I can say that fairly objectively. It seems a bit hypocritical to expect you to do it if you don't like it, but not be willing to do the same for you...

[rcoreyus]

There are both men and women who are not very "fair" in bed. Otherwise though I agree with what you said. I generally think that both people should try hard to do what their partners like.

Unfortunately it is difficult to measure how much someone dislikes something. My wife will almost never give me oral, while I will do anything for her in bed. Is it because giving oral is really horrible to her, or does she just not like it much and doesn't care that I do. No way to tell for sure. Probably the former and I don't push her on it.

I don't think its petty. I often feel like men expect sexual favours without giving anything back (forgive the gross generalisation, I know there are plenty if exceptions). Although I don't think people should 'keep score' in an ideal world both parties should put in the effort to please the other. So you don't like giving head? I don't think you should be expected to do it, unless you want to of course.
i'm in a similar situation so obviously I relate, but I think I can say that fairly objectively. It seems a bit hypocritical to expect you to do it if you don't like it, but not be willing to do the same for you...

[DreamP346]

I don't think its petty. Saying we shouldn't keep count and its not about what you get is all nice and idealistic. But the reality is we are human being and when the other person in a relationship doesn't put the same effort, it decreases the desire to be giving. It is perfectly normal to want to please somebody who does things to please you. At the same time, its perfectly understandable that those desires to please decrease when the sentiment is not returned. Given that your boyfriend has said he enjoys giving oral and can enjoyed doing to previous partners makes it more difficult to accept.

First thing is that you need to sit down and have a talk. Not when you are in the middle of sex. It needs to be a neutral time when neither one of you isn't expecting sex. Explain how you feel. Don't say you are not going to give him oral because he doesn't reciprocate, but put it more like "when you don't want to go down on my, it decreases my desire to do the same for you." Ask him what will help. What is it about the smell he doesn't like. How about doing it in the shower after you wash your self or some of the other ideas mentioned above.

[kira]

Well I hate giving oral unless it's right after a shower or with a flavored condom. Does my husband get upset and refuse to give oral? no. In fact he does it nearly every time. He also doesn't force me to do it. I just do other things I like to make up for it. My husband had a gf who he hated the taste of and he loves giving oral plus has had lots of partners but wouldn't do it on her. It happens and your preferences are not all going to line up. Maybe he gets upset and defensive because of how you bring it up or how often you have. Maybe if you offered a suggestion like I posted to try to make it more enjoyable for him he wouldn't get so defensive.

[jns]

My husband had a gf who he hated the taste of and he loves giving oral plus has had lots of partners but wouldn't do it on her.

Interesting. What was his objection? Did it stem from hygiene? Smoking? What she ate? ???