[joedoe]

The title pretty much sums it up and I hope you can give me some advice on how to deal with this, hopefully how to improve it and some reassurance.

The story goes: We met online about 6 months ago, she was just looking for sex and it was supposed to be only once but even though I couldn't even get it up when we met (I was pretty nervous and we got way too high) she to meet again and we've been hooking up regularly since then. So she isn't really my girlfriend. The most accurate term is probably ****buddies since that is all we do but I like to think it's more of a friends with benefits thing by now. We meet up at least once a week on average, have sex and smoke a few joints and chill.

Anyway, the problem (or at least my problem, she says it doesn't bother her) is that she almost never cums. I've managed to give her an orgasm twice by going down on her and she came twice during intercourse. This is over 6 months!
In the beginning I asked her a few times but she always said that she doesn't mind and that she wouldn't be coming back if she didn't like it. She also said that it was just very hard to get her off, so hard that sometimes she couldn't even finish by herself. The times she did actually come did take very long, even when going down on her it was at least 20 minutes of constant stimulation.
It has happened a few times during intercourse that she was close when I came and she has actually told me a couple times during says not to come yet. But every time after she would say that it's ok or fine (which I know means it wasn't).
The reason I'm posting here now is because yesterday she was over again and when we were doing it for the third time this happened again but at least she finally admitted that it sucked that she didn't get off.
So I know one thing I could do (at least in theory) would be to last longer. I'm trying to work on that but within the first 10 to 15 minutes there is usually a point where delaying my orgasm significantly would amount to stopping almost completely. A question I have here, how long does it "normally" for a woman to orgasm from intercourse?
Anyway, given that I know I don't last very long I always try and include a lot of foreplay. Unfortunately she is not very into that, that is to say she prefers intercourse to receiving oral sex and will often tell me to **** her rather than eat her out. I don't know if this is a reflection of my skill but I think (or hope) it's not. In the limited experience I've had with girls before her I was able to get them off by going down on them and I do all the things one is supposed to do. I kiss her all over, suck and nibble on her neck, earlobes, breasts, nipples and thighs (I'm just listing it quickly now, when doing it I take my time and enjoy each of those thing). I always build up for quite a while and more often than not she will push me between her legs before I made my own way there. And even when I get down there I try to keep building it up rather than diving right in. When I'm busy there are all the right signs, arched back, moans, goosebumps and grinding herself in my face and I try to listen to those signs and adjust intensity accordingly, but still no cigar. I know it's hard to get the picture from a description on a forum, but based on what I wrote here is there anything else I could do?

So much for the actual sex. I think other factors might be that she does not have a very sensitive clit and that she too much during sex (one of the few times she did orgasm for example she told that when she felt her orgasm coming she asked herself whether she would actually come and then when she did it wasn't a very good one because she was thinking about it). I imagine it could also be because she smokes a lot of weed but I probably can't help that.

I really want make her feel as good as she makes me feel but it doesn't seem to be working. I tried to ignore it because she doesn't want to talk about it but just now I'm at a point where I'm constantly and without much results focusing on not cumming. I want to try and solve this with her but I don't know where to start. Has anyone here ever been in this situation and (how) have you been able to fix it?
I want to talk her about this again but I'm afraid it will sound accusing if I say that it bothers me and afraid she only overthink it more and that it aggravate the situation rather help it.


Thanks for reading this long and all-over-the-place post. I would really appreciate advice on anything I wrote here and any ideas or tips or other comments that you might have.

[joedoe]

The third to last paragraph is meant to say that she THINKS too much during sex.
I was too slow on the editing.

[kira]

There is no normally for womens' orgasms. There is no average length of time study out there if there even is a way to calculate an average. I think it would be all across the board and not even the same from one sex act to another for the same woman. A lot if not most women cannot have orgasms through penetration with no other stimulation. Even if you spend a lot of time getting to actual sex. It's just not how most women work. Which is why they invented vibrating **** rings. Love those things but they aren't always worth the effort. They make you stay hard longer and vibrate the clit at the same time. Darn things get out of place frequently though and they have a tendency to die after just a few uses so you have to buy new bullets or rings constantly. It was a fun experiment though. I don't have a very sensitive clit either.

I am the only partner of many that my husband cannot get off by fingers. He usually has to do oral or toys. I often turn down toys though even when I haven't had an orgasm because I am happy just having sex with him. Truly when women say it's fine they didn't have an orgasm they often mean it. Just having sex and experiencing your partners orgasm is fun. I think because it satisfies a strong emotional need making the physical need unimportant half the time. Quite frequently when I engage sex it's because I'm feeling bad (depressed, frustrated, stressed) or really good and playful emotionally so the emotional part is all I really want. If the physical part happens that's just frosting.

[Guest]

jedoe,

The best conversations I've had with women about sex were during sex. The next best conversations I've had with women about sex was over dinner & wine.

[orchiddreams]

It's funny because that pretty much sums up my first few sexual encounters- relationships. I wasn't familiar with my body, what I liked, what I didn't like and frankly I hadn't been sexually challenged. Until I met my husband.... So the point is- find out what she likes, what does her body respond to? Talk dirty, use hands, fingers, touch, lick, tease- sex isn't just about the orgasm- once that is realized I think you will both get there. A man who likes to please his woman is probably the most sexually arousing thing for me...and I am sure it's the same for men.

[AshleyMG]

just have a night with her and try to make her orgasm and forget about you. maybe you're not enough for her buy a toy or two to help (vibrator particularly)
._. im not much of a help it takes sometimes takes less than a minute (40 seconds maybe) to orgasm, the longest it took me was five minutes or so, however everytime a woman orgasms they don't always squirt

so uh good luck

[Champagne_Supernova]

Normally, most women do not orgasm from vaginal sex, alone. Also, some can't get off with just oral sex, and/or some don't really like it (I'd be one of those, some), Don't get me wrong, it feels good, but it's just very difficult to "Get there", if that makes sense. A suggestion I'd have for you, is if you two are comfortable with it; bring in a small vibrator, like a lipstick vibrator, and while you're having sex, put that on her clitoris, or she can hold/move it there herself. If she's shy about having you see her use it, you can do it doggy style so you can't actually SEE it, or, a "leaned back missionary" position, so you, yourself can hold the vibrator on her. While I'm sure she does enjoy the sex (obviously, it's become a regular occurrence), I can see how it'd be a little sucky not being able to FULLY enjoy yourself and climax together. Depending on what type of comfort level you two have in your relationship, try it out! hope it helps!

[Something_Awesome]

jedoe,

The best conversations I've had with women about sex were during sex. The next best conversations I've had with women about sex was over dinner & wine.

High-freakin-five!