[Rdk98]

This is the girl I'm going to marry; I love her more than anything. She's 24 and I'm 26 but there's one thing that bothers me from time to time- she hardly ever orgasms during sex and I'm honestly not completely sure she has ever.

I'm not one of the guys that keeps asking her if she had one or shown her my frustration about this. I've just asked her what feels good and told her to communicate with me. I know it's too much to expect to get her off everytime, but every now and then would be nice. I'm a giver and seeing that I'm satisfying my woman is super pleasurable to me.

The thing is here, she hasn't given me much to work with. When I asked her what feels good, she said everything feels good or when I'm deep in her. Another thing that makes it difficult is that anytime I go down on her or go around her clit in any way it's super sensitive and she can't handle it. I've been very gentle too and sometimes when I do that she says it tickles her. I've been with a decent amount of girls and been able to know I'm getting them off and it feels great. However, with this girl who is the most special of them all, I don't always get this. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here and it's honestly gotten me a little frustrated which I know is my problem and I want to fix it. She says she is happy and satisfied but I want her to feel great bc it makes me feel great. The last time we had sex I went soft while in her and I think it was bc I was distracted and a little bored with the situation. The night before we had great sex but since I went soft it really freaked me out. I was embarrassed too. We were able to resume but my erection wasn't that great.

I understand this is some insecurity problems on my part, but I could really use some advice. Here's some on her background that might provide some insight to what might be going on...

-She didn't lose her virginity til she was 21 years old.
-She's only attempted masturbating twice and stopped after a short time bc she said she felt weird and thought it was the guys job to do.
-the guy she lost her virginity too treated her awful (told her she was loose and beat up downstairs and that she couldn't have been a virgin, that she was awful at sex,etc)
-shes always worried about getting pregnant.
-she comes from a really religious background.

Those are some elements that I think might be causing a block for her perhaps. I've discussed these things with her and comforted her to boost her self-esteem. I'll be honest and say she's come a long way and has been more open about sex. She always said that she just wasn't a sexual person or horny but I don't fully buy this bc after a few drinks she gets very excited.

Here are some insecurities of mine I've developed and I hope you all will comfort me a bit and tell me if there's something wrong with me I can improve...

Ill be honest and say her vagina is a little bigger than others but I'm sure that's just the way she's made and I understand. When she gets super wet it feels like I'm sliding in pretty easy but that may just be bc she's aroused so much. I got worried my penis wasn't big enough- based on arousal ill be 6.5-7in length and 5.25in girth. Is that sufficient and me being silly? She's made comments that I'm big down there, even asking if i was 8 or 9 inches, but the fact that she doesn't orgasm that much made me think maybe shes trying to cushion my ego or something. But maybe it's more likely she's just that Inexperienced or her ex wasnt that big? She said she hasn't seen a lot but knows I have a big one lol.

I've very nicely and non-pressuring asked her if shes had an orgasm before with me or anyone and explained I just want her to feel the best ever. She said she never did with her ex but had her first one with me and has had several. I still sometimes get down on myself and think maybe shes trying to cushion my ego. I would just believe these things if I was more confident I was really giving her great pleasure, but I don't feel that when she doesn't have that release of getting off.

She clenches up some, but in the past with other girls I could tell for sure and they'd be tired or heart racing or very out of breath afterwards.

Could you all help me out by answering some of my insecurities and telling me how to approach giving my girlfriend more pleasure?

What am I doing wrong or what can I do better?

I have no problem going down on her and actually love doing it but it makes her uncomfortable and that's usually my go to thing if there is trouble getting a girl to climax. So that's kinda out of the picture I guess. I have thought about one of the vibrating rings for your penis but I worry that might make her feel weird too.

Sorry this is long but I would very much appreciate any help!

[DreamP346]

Any one of issues from your girlfriend's past can easily prevent her from having an orgasm. Those are not issues you can solve. It is something she needs to come to terms with herself. You can help her through the process, but improving your technique or equipment will not get you there. I recommend she see a sex therapist. Another good source is the Sinclair Foundation. They have some specific self-help videos on helping a woman learn to orgasm.

The size of your penis doesn't matter, especially since most women orgasm via the clitoris.

One thing I am not clear on. It sounds like your girlfriend is telling you she is orgasming, but you don't believe her because its not powerful like your previous partners? Is this true? You need to understand that each woman orgasms in different ways. The Hollywood, Meg Ryan orgasms are nice and many women experience them, but not all. Some women's vagina muscles don't contract a lot during orgasm, so its easy to not be able to feel it. Also, not all women sweat and not all women have these extreme highs that they come down from. Some women experience these tiny little orgasms but often multiple ones. You have to stop comparing her to other past experiences and accept she is a different woman with a different body that does things differently than your previous partners.

[Gary7]

I wouldn't marry her if you already have issues with sex and sex is an important consideration for you. I always tell people considering marriage to think about that little annoyance you have with the person you're planning on marrying and imagine it going on and on for 20, 30, even 40+ years. Suddenly that "little" annoyance isn't so little after that period of time, and sexual incompatibilities isn't a "little" thing to start with for most people.