[Ott45]

This is a text I got from a friend recently. He's one of the nicest guys I've ever met and I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's attempting a really weird joke or if he's serious or if he's just tired of me busting his balls about how sweet and innocent he is and is trying to prove that he's not, and he didn't finish the story which I don't get:

I don't like you thinking I'm such an innocent faun. I remembered something else from our drunk night a few weeks ago. You went through my notebook and found my "the things I would get rejected to doing to you if you were here right now" joke, you knew you inspired it and asked what are the things I would do. I avoided directly answering because I'm me.....
I'd take you and look vigorously around the room before realizing that all the walls are too cluttered so I'd take you by the hand and lead you to a different room, find an empty wall and press you up against it. I'd kiss you without backing out this time, we'd make our way to a couch, I'd take off your shirt and no doubtingly fumble with your bra, but eventually I'd get it off. We'd get to the couch and I'd flip you over the armrest. I'm on top of you now and I make my way down to your *****, slowly licking every part of your body on my way, you take off your pants and panties. I tease you, licking around your clit and wrap my arm around your thigh and I play with you while my tongue gently goes in and out of you. I spell out "you're incredable" with my tongue and inform you that I misspelt "incredible", you hopefully laugh. I want to kiss you again so I make my way back up, dragging my tongue across your stomach, sucking on your **** and kissing your neck. I grab a handful of your hair and I pull with the perfect amount of pressure as I kiss you, all while caressing your entire body. I stand up, with you still draped on top of the armrest and I go to spank your *** but with the position you're in, it's incredibly awkward; I'm just slapped you and I apologize. That will come into play later at a more appropriate time. I go down on you again and tell you to wrap your legs around my neck, I lift you off the couch, you're vertical except for your head and we're face to face, I realize there's not much to do like this and put you back down and spell "you're incredible" with my tongue and tell you I spelt it correct this time. Again, hopefully you laugh and tell me to shut up. I spell out **any number of things (depending on how I feel about you on this particular day)** but it doesn't matter because even if you ask what I'm spelling. I won't tell you. Amateur hour's over, no more poking you or writing things with my tongue. I take a flat tongue and drag it up and down across your clit in a repeating motion for however long you want me there, then I'll take my middle and ring finger and slide them into you with my index and pinky resting right above and I again make my way up. Kissing your thighs, licking your stomach, sucking your ****, gently but firmly pulling your hair and kissing you. When I'm confident that you're finished, happy and satisfied, then I'll.....

You have no idea how badly I want to press you up against a wall..

[jen1447]

Let me guess - he's not a contender to get into your pants?

I doubt it's a joke. Sounds like you friendzoned him and he hates it (they always do). Also he's got a lot of practice at writing porno texts, and he's thought about doing all that stuff to you so much it's creepy.

[Ott45]

Trust me, he does not have experience at writing something like this. He is so repressed. Which is why it shocked me so much

[atskitty2]

Could it be you've mistaken him to be something he's not?

[Ott45]

Not a possibility

[jen1447]

Well something's not adding up, unless you think he didn't actually write it. People hide themselves from others all the time, and none moreso than those with secret loves.

The usual explanation for this kind of thing is that you didn't think of him that way, so you're uncomfortable being forced to consider him that way (because of some overt action like his horny text), etc., etc., but that doesn't change the fact that he is this way, and probably always has been unbeknownst to you, etc., etc., which just leads to further discomfort on your part (because you still don't want to think of him that way) and further frustration on his part (because he's still not getting through to you), etc., etc.

Here's a question that demonstrates the point ...why are you asking us this instead of him? I'm sure we're all happy to weigh in here, and everybody wants you to feel at home, but I bet the answer is that you're afraid of what his answer might be.

[Ott45]

I, in general, know how he thinks of me, but I have a bf. I also have a tendacy of leading him on then pushing him away. We fight more than we probably should it doesn't matter tho because we really care about each other. I just never thought he had it in him to make this type of move

[jen1447]

Well he obviously cares about you in a different way than you care about him.

I have to ask, what did you think would happen when you toyed with him? We all do it sooner or later, whether deliberately or not, but I try not to be reckless about it.

[Ott45]

We have a very unique and complicated relationship. It's messed up and we both know it