Hi I'm new here, really need some advice ladies!
I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 24, we've been in a serious relationship for almost a year now and are expecting a baby in early spring! We love each other a lot and have a great life together, but our sex life is driving me crazy...
I have always been more sexual. I could have sex everyday with him. Anytime I've been in a committed relationship and could openly love and trust that person, sex is a blast and it's the one thing I feel that can bring us the closest. If I don't have feelings for someone or am unhappy with them/can't trust them... sex is kind of a nightmare. So I know I'm not addicted to sex... I'm addicted to passion and love with one person.
My boyfriend and I started out fine sexually, we lived about an hour apart, so it wasn't everyday... but it was almost every time we'd see each other (which was generally all weekend long and maybe once during the week). Well, then I got pregnant and he moved down here to be with me. Our relationship itself is honestly very great and I couldn't ask for a better guy. He's caring, understanding, and tries to go out of his way everyday to show me he loves me. He helps out around here a lot, and he puts me first before anyone else... finally a guy who matches my own definition of love and commitment!
But our sex life is really affecting me. He has never been the pushy guy with it. From the beginning I noticed that, but he told me he's not used to be forward with girls sexually. We've talked about our pasts with sex. He had been with one other girl whom he was seriously dating for 2 years. She never wanted sex and would reject him of it when he'd try... It would happen once a month at most... I guess it stung to hear that. I've known about it since we were just getting to know each other before we got serious... but the fact that he was hurt that she never wanted it and he actually tried... and here I am... having to initiate EVERY time!
It's not that he isn't getting any affection or praise daily... the guy is spoiled! I even try to get him to want me by giving him head... but then he'll just finish and I'm left again unsatisfied. He doesn't even go down on me, been maybe a few times he has and it wasn't long enough for it to even turn me on. He will touch me but he doesn't invest time in my body like I do his... I like seeing that he feels good and that he is enjoying himself... it turns me on watching him! It seems like it'd be the same and he'd want to get me to that point
Our sex positions are always the same two. Him on top, me on top. I've told him we need to mix it up sometimes, and the positions I like, he goes soft and I have to play with him again. It's just exhausting and I feel like it shouldn't be this difficult... as it wasn't with a couple guys in my past.
Like I said, I could have sex daily... and I feel bad for even trying for it daily. He gets into it and enjoys it a lot when we do... but he never initiates it and it makes me feel like I am gross and especially me being pregnant now... I need that extra self esteem booster even more so because I don't feel very pretty and I'm emotional.
We have talked about it, a few fights now actually... I cry when we fight about it because I am hurting. I want to feel wanted... and I can't help but bring up "Sorry I'm not your ex, maybe if I was, you'd actually want to ********** me!" and he then gets super mad and tells me that isn't the situation. He's used excuses like "well your body is different right now with being pregnant and I'm afraid to hurt you"... to "I don't want you to feel like I am just after sex if I try to initiate things, that's why I don't". And each time of me explaining why both of those feelings he has are not a reason to be concerned, he says he feels better and will change things because it's not fair for me to feel like this.... then nothing changes! They are just excuses... sorry, but they are.
I am tired of bringing the topic up, and I'm becoming quite embarrassed with myself... and I really don't think I should be...
It's not that I am fat, or unattractive... I've never had a problem getting a guy when I wanted a boyfriend, not to toot my own horn but I've always had a fair amount of guys who I could pick from.
I've asked my boyfriend if he watches porn a lot. He says a couples times that I haven't been home but only because he was bored. I don't think it's a porn addiction though, because I am home much more than him, and generally if he wants to watch it, we will watch it together and that's every once in while.
I just don't know what to do. He's mentioned that maybe we aren't sexually compatible and it's something we will have to work on over time... It just hurts... I get so angry when girls at my work talk about their marriages and relationships like it's dreadful that they are desired by their guys... "uhg he works days now, so hes home every night expecting something, no way!"... I have to seriously hold back tears. I've told my boyfriend this and of course he feels bad... but he doesn't know what the issue is or how to fix it... he's told me in the past that he wants it a lot but doesn't think to pursue it... I call b.s!
Any advice? I need it!
I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 24, we've been in a serious relationship for almost a year now and are expecting a baby in early spring! We love each other a lot and have a great life together, but our sex life is driving me crazy...
I have always been more sexual. I could have sex everyday with him. Anytime I've been in a committed relationship and could openly love and trust that person, sex is a blast and it's the one thing I feel that can bring us the closest. If I don't have feelings for someone or am unhappy with them/can't trust them... sex is kind of a nightmare. So I know I'm not addicted to sex... I'm addicted to passion and love with one person.
My boyfriend and I started out fine sexually, we lived about an hour apart, so it wasn't everyday... but it was almost every time we'd see each other (which was generally all weekend long and maybe once during the week). Well, then I got pregnant and he moved down here to be with me. Our relationship itself is honestly very great and I couldn't ask for a better guy. He's caring, understanding, and tries to go out of his way everyday to show me he loves me. He helps out around here a lot, and he puts me first before anyone else... finally a guy who matches my own definition of love and commitment!
But our sex life is really affecting me. He has never been the pushy guy with it. From the beginning I noticed that, but he told me he's not used to be forward with girls sexually. We've talked about our pasts with sex. He had been with one other girl whom he was seriously dating for 2 years. She never wanted sex and would reject him of it when he'd try... It would happen once a month at most... I guess it stung to hear that. I've known about it since we were just getting to know each other before we got serious... but the fact that he was hurt that she never wanted it and he actually tried... and here I am... having to initiate EVERY time!
It's not that he isn't getting any affection or praise daily... the guy is spoiled! I even try to get him to want me by giving him head... but then he'll just finish and I'm left again unsatisfied. He doesn't even go down on me, been maybe a few times he has and it wasn't long enough for it to even turn me on. He will touch me but he doesn't invest time in my body like I do his... I like seeing that he feels good and that he is enjoying himself... it turns me on watching him! It seems like it'd be the same and he'd want to get me to that point
Our sex positions are always the same two. Him on top, me on top. I've told him we need to mix it up sometimes, and the positions I like, he goes soft and I have to play with him again. It's just exhausting and I feel like it shouldn't be this difficult... as it wasn't with a couple guys in my past.
Like I said, I could have sex daily... and I feel bad for even trying for it daily. He gets into it and enjoys it a lot when we do... but he never initiates it and it makes me feel like I am gross and especially me being pregnant now... I need that extra self esteem booster even more so because I don't feel very pretty and I'm emotional.
We have talked about it, a few fights now actually... I cry when we fight about it because I am hurting. I want to feel wanted... and I can't help but bring up "Sorry I'm not your ex, maybe if I was, you'd actually want to ********** me!" and he then gets super mad and tells me that isn't the situation. He's used excuses like "well your body is different right now with being pregnant and I'm afraid to hurt you"... to "I don't want you to feel like I am just after sex if I try to initiate things, that's why I don't". And each time of me explaining why both of those feelings he has are not a reason to be concerned, he says he feels better and will change things because it's not fair for me to feel like this.... then nothing changes! They are just excuses... sorry, but they are.
I am tired of bringing the topic up, and I'm becoming quite embarrassed with myself... and I really don't think I should be...
It's not that I am fat, or unattractive... I've never had a problem getting a guy when I wanted a boyfriend, not to toot my own horn but I've always had a fair amount of guys who I could pick from.
I've asked my boyfriend if he watches porn a lot. He says a couples times that I haven't been home but only because he was bored. I don't think it's a porn addiction though, because I am home much more than him, and generally if he wants to watch it, we will watch it together and that's every once in while.
I just don't know what to do. He's mentioned that maybe we aren't sexually compatible and it's something we will have to work on over time... It just hurts... I get so angry when girls at my work talk about their marriages and relationships like it's dreadful that they are desired by their guys... "uhg he works days now, so hes home every night expecting something, no way!"... I have to seriously hold back tears. I've told my boyfriend this and of course he feels bad... but he doesn't know what the issue is or how to fix it... he's told me in the past that he wants it a lot but doesn't think to pursue it... I call b.s!
Any advice? I need it!
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