[lisa13]

I have been with boyfriend for 2 and half year we have a 7 month old baby together, r relationships was perfect at the beginning for the first 6 month and we moved in together then he wanted me to get the internet put on and after that I noticed r sex life was going down hill it sarted from having it everyday to every couple of day I fort that was normall till I looked on the laptop and seen the history and he was on porn every night I didnt mind at first till bout 9 month ago wen we only had it twice a month and that was only because he looked at porn wen i was downstairs cookin and because he didnt have time to do it himself so i felt used by him and he goes on porn every day or sum time 3 times a day if im not in to interrupt him or if im asleep and we havnt had it for 2 month he doesnt want to cum to bed wen I go to bed he would rather stay up and look at porn he knows that it hurts me and its like he doesnt care bout anything but him self and ive asked im if hes addictd to if but he says hes not but if hes not addicted then y wont he stop he says he loves me but he does show it, ive been thinking bout leavin him I dont no what else to do

As anyone got any advice please

Can anyone help

[rcoreyus]

You will find lots of discussions of this here - worth doing some searches.

My feeling is that porn is OK IF (and only if) it doesn't interfere with a couple's normal sex life. It this case is does sound like its interfering: he is watching porn rather than being intimate with you.

Is it clear that the cause is porn, and not that your sex life had other problems (new baby etc) and he turned to porn? Just asking - its difficult to picture a situation from a single paragraph.

The situation now is clearly very bad and you are right that it needs to change.

[lisa13]

When I ask him bout it he says theres nowt wrong with him watching it and that hes done it all hes life and even when he was with hes exs and they didnt mind but they ended up cheating on him

[rcoreyus]

If I understand your post correctly, he is turning you down for sex to watch porn. Its not the watching that is bad, its watching AND turning you down that is. Surely he must realize that ignoring a real woman to jerk off to pictures on a screen is a problem.

[tinyclitt]

My husband and I look at porn, but we do it as a mental "warm up" for having sex. I've taken to looking at porn while masturbating. It works really well. So I understand porn and I'm not a porn hater. From what you've written it really doesn't sound good, but it's possible that it's not really anywhere near as bad as you've written. No matter the solution, it may take some time and considerable effort to moderate his behavior. I wouldn't expect to eliminate his porn habit, but rather direct and channel it. I'd try a positive non-threatening approach. I'd become involved in his porn habit. Sit down and look at porn with him. Have him show you the porn he likes and talk about what he likes about it. Use my hands and mouth on this penis while he looks at porn. Make our own porn together for him to look at. Make him realize that I'm not threatened by pictures. Make him realize that I can and want to do everything the women in porn can do with him only even better. His porn habit took time to develop and it will take time and effort to channel it in your direction.

[a_dub]

If I understand your post correctly, he is turning you down for sex to watch porn. Its not the watching that is bad, its watching AND turning you down that is. Surely he must realize that ignoring a real woman to jerk off to pictures on a screen is a problem.

I still dont understand why there is such a stigma associated with porn addiction. Unlike alcohol or drugs porn addiction is harmless and causes no damage.

I'm a so called 'addict' and I prefer porn to real women because women have rejected me. I can get off to any number of hotter women far easier. We dont think gay men have problems so why pick on the porn afficianados (addict makes it sound so negative)?

[rcoreyus]

a_dub, I wouldn't at all classify you as an "addict" BECAUSE you are not trying to be in a relationship with a woman, but wanting to only have sex to porn. People are free to be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, autosexual, asexual - anything between any number of consenting adults is fine. What I think is a problem is when someone is in one type of relationship but really wants something else. In this case its a man in a heterosexual relationship who seems to mostly want porn, not his partner.

You are right though that "addict" is overused. If he is happy with his porn habit, then I wouldn't call him an addict - but its a really serious problem that he didn't make this clear to his partner before they had a baby. If on the other hand he would prefer to be with his partner, but can't help himself, then he is an addict.

[lisa13]

I also think porn can be ok in a relationship as long as it doesnt cum in between r sex life witch it as we dont make love any more and when he waits till im asleep to go on it and he trys to lie about it and stays up all night till 2 in the morning on it and sleeps all day he as become lazy he doesnt seem to want to do owt apart from sit in house all time and he doesnt do much with the baby, what can I say or do to make him change and to want me more