[Satanro]

I am having an issue pls help
I am sorry to barge into this female only thread but I humbly ask for ur opinion as I was informed this is a very friendly and informative forum.

My girlfriend and me has been dating each other for almost a year now but she has very low sex drive.. I have tried various methods like toys, nice environment, talk things out seduction and etc..

But it all failed me~~ we both agreed to consult this humble forum for some good ideas and opinions

We love each other and there isn't any third party involved in this relationship.. Just the two of us..

Kissing and cuddling would not come close to turn her on.. The only place is her g-spot which she would reluctant to let me try .. And I am out of ideas as to how to turn her mood on for the rest of the things to come into place..

Please help

[atskitty2]

Men are here too-it isn't all women! Welcome and I applaud you for coming together seeking help. Probably some good ideas and food for thought will come your way here. It seems you have ruled out a lack of closeness in the relationship outside the bedroom as the cause, so I'll skip that suggestion.

My first question is how old is she and has her libido always been this way?

Next, has she seen her doctor to rule out a physical problem and to discuss specifically her level of sexual desire? If there are hormonal imbalances, they can determine that and help stabilize those and that could help a lot.

Just going to toss out possibilities now:
Does she have religious inhibitions or other moral reasons for it? Is there a history of abuse?
Is there a fear of pregnancy? (I know it's weird, but it happens)
Does she have self esteem issues?
All I can think of right now.

[rcoreyus]

Well if she is reading this too: What does she fantasize about - you don't have to do the things in the fantasies but its nice to know what they are. Does she masturbate but just not enjoy sex with someone else. Has she enjoyed sex (or any sexual activity) in the past (I don't know how old you are) but lost interest? When you do have sex does she enjoy it, and just has trouble getting interested, or does she not enjoy it at all? Does she ever have an orgasm (from sex or masturbation?).

[jen1447]

This is such a common thing here .... okay, some tips for guys in general suffering from "low wife libido":

Physical - sorry to be blunt, but if you disgust her, she's not going to want to have sex with you. The good news is that we generally don't think of disgust as a permanent thing (unlike say creepyness). You can step up your game by dressing nicely (let her get involved if necessary, but don't make her your stylist), with nicely meaning fashionable and smart. Also keep yourself nicely maintained. You don't have to be a six pack abs fitness guru guy, but if you're appearance tells the world that you just don't care, she won't find that sexy. Hair - keep it nicely trimmed whether it's long or short. Regular trips to your barber/stylist are a must. Facial hair - same. If you are a stubble beard guy, don't let that stubble grow into a gross depression beard. Keep it tight and trimmed. That means get out your razor and work on it so it looks nice all over. The truth is, she won't want your face between her legs if the first thing she thinks of is how prickly it's going to feel. If you're a clean-shaven guy, be that, every day. Privates - maintain yourself nicely here too! Get to work with the razor to get rid of that unwanted (and unsexy) fur. To be blunt, your um scrotum is best kept pretty clean. Your natural pubic hair area doesn't have to be clean-waxed lol, but it should be under control too. By keeping this up, you'll be telling her nonverbally that your appearance matters to you, and by extension that it matters to you how it affects her as well. This may be a surprise, but we dig that feeling.

Attitude - act like the world is your playground and that life has a lot to offer, and that you'd like to experience it with her. The football game can't be a priority, or just lying on the couch, or looking and feeling lazy. That all telegraphs that you don't care, and if you don't, why should she? She wants to be excited and inspired by you, and you can't really pull off inspiration from your prone position on the couch. If she seems frigid, get up and do stuff anyway, for yourself. You'll be telling her that you have pride and that you're able to get by alone if necessary - each a turn-on in general. Don't make her feel like she has to take care of you. A guy who is inspired by life makes us feel good inside. A guy who can take it or leave it can make us feel despair, especially if we're ten years on in the relationship and the prospects look like ten more years of the same.

There may be other very significant factors at play in your relationship, so this is by no means meant as the fix-all solution for everybody. But if everything else seems okay and she just doesn't appear turned on by you, going after these potential problems can only help. Changing yourself in these ways certainly won't hurt anything.

[kira]

Is she on any medication including non prescription? Many medications can kill sex drive. Birth control pills are a common one. Stress or low mood can also cause problems. Which can turn in to a catch 22 because depression can cause no sex drive and all the meds for depression can cause low sex drive. Occasionally they do the opposite but not usually.

[rcoreyus]

Jen1447 - while your comments on behavior / appearance make sense in some cases, I've seen a lot of talk on these boards where people really are doing everything possible to be attractive, both physically and in personality. As someone with (based on your comments) a high sex drive, its probably difficult for you to imagine not being interested in sex with your partner unless there was something "wrong" with them. I feel the same way about women - I can't imagine not want sex with my partner unless there were some serious problem with her.

In many cases here though (both for men and women) the situation seems to be very different. There seem to be men and and women who just aren't interested in sex - even with an otherwise wonderful partner. I was in this situation for many years (like 25). You will will have to take my for for it, but I'm a nice guy, almost never get angry or sulky. I'm interesting to talk to (at least people don't run away too quickly). I'm no Adonis, but I'm not terrible looking. I'm always clean, dress reasonable neatly. I do a lot around the house, and have always had a respectable job that pays reasonably well. I make all sorts of romantic gestures, etc. Yet for many years my wife wouldn't sleep with me. I still don't know why this changed about 2 years ago - if I did, I'd tell everyone else.

Certainly in some cases a person who's partner isn't interested in them may have some issues of their own, but often it really is a lack of interest for no good reason.

[Stillness]

Privates - maintain yourself nicely here too! Get to work with the razor to get rid of that unwanted (and unsexy) fur. To be blunt, your um scrotum is best kept pretty clean. Your natural pubic hair area doesn't have to be clean-waxed lol, but it should be under control too. By keeping this up, you'll be telling her nonverbally that your appearance matters to you, and by extension that it matters to you how it affects her as well.

Or you may be telling her you're a prissy metrosexual. I imagine some women might go for this, but I have to wonder how many. I guess it doesn't matter if yours does. But I'd be sure there was some interest in mine before I gave myself an itchy crotch. Depending on the culture or the individual, this could be a turn-off. A lot of people view hair as a sign of sexual maturity and adulthood.

A shaved scrotum!? Might as well just take them off in my book.

[JonDoe]

Or you may be telling her you're a prissy metrosexual. I imagine some women might go for this, but I have to wonder how many. I guess it doesn't matter if yours does. But I'd be sure there was some interest in mine before I gave myself an itchy crotch. Depending on the culture or the individual, this could be a turn-off. A lot of people view hair as a sign of sexual maturity and adulthood.

A shaved scrotum!? Might as well just take them off in my book.

Don't knock it until you try it. First time I had my ball-sack shaved was by a female nurse just before having a vasectomy. Now my ball-sack is regularly clean shaven, just because I like it better that way, whereas my wife couldn't care less. I'm definitely never gonna be mistaken for a prissy metrosexual. Oh, and there is no itch regardless of how long I go without shaving.