[Romy]

My partner loves going down on me.... He would happily spend hours there... The thing is I'm unable to have an orgasm this way. I feel like something is wrong with me because from what I can tell most women are guaranteed to have an orgasm through oral sex. I don't know what to do. It's very frustrating. I feel like I have to pretend I'm enjoying it when really I feel nothing. Occasionally I feel an extremely brief moment of pleasure but it's rare. I'm worried because I can only guarantee myself an orgasm through masturbation with either an electric toothbrush or the shower head.

I hope someone can offer me some help and advice.

[jen1447]

First of all, there's nothing wrong with you. Second, you shouldn't fake anything (unless for some reason you really want to - not for his sake). My advice is just stick with what works for you hon. Get your man to work with the toothbrush and the shower head, train him on how you need it specifically to orgasm, and then we he gets it down he can take credit for it. It's a win-win.

A couple other notes ....you don't actually have to orgasm to enjoy sex. Women have a rather different sexual cycle than men, and we can get satisfaction from the arousal period alone and just general sexual activity. (Whereas that typically leads to blue balls for guys.) That's not to say orgasms aren't great, but I wouldn't look at it so much as a requirement. It's the journey, not the destination.

[rcoreyus]

Different people like different things - nothing works for everyone. Also if you have gotten used to more intense stimulation from an electric toothbrush, it may be difficult to orgasm from other things. That can be fine, just add toys (or a toothbrush) to your lovemaking.

[Romy]

Thank you for the replies. We do use the toothbrush and shower head together but I didn't feel good relying on them.

[rcoreyus]

If you stopped using mechanical aids completely, even when you masturbate, you might get enough sensitivity back to orgasm other ways - though it would be frustrating for a while. No problem though using toys in bed with your partner, so you can juts continue doing that.

[Romy]

If you stopped using mechanical aids completely, even when you masturbate, you might get enough sensitivity back to orgasm other ways - though it would be frustrating for a while. No problem though using toys in bed with your partner, so you can juts continue doing that.

So you really think the toothbrush and shower head are the problems.....this is definitely something that went through my head. There was a time long ago when I orgasmed during sex most times. I didn't masturbate then so maybe there's truth in what you say.

[jen1447]

Having an orgasm is never a problem!

[rcoreyus]

Whether or not it is a problem is entirely up to you. I did notice that when my wife and I started using vibrators she gradually lost the ability to orgasm from other things. It would be frustrating to go without mechanical aids - you might not be able to orgasm at all for a while - unless you can get there just with fingers when you masturbate.

So you really think the toothbrush and shower head are the problems.....this is definitely something that went through my head. There was a time long ago when I orgasmed during sex most times. I didn't masturbate then so maybe there's truth in what you say.

[Gary7]

You can certainly try to abstain from masturbating for a while and see if you orgasm more easily.

I'm a bit skeptical of the loss of sensitivity due to the use of vibrators though, unless you're doing it hourly.

My wife and I have used a vibrator pretty regularly throughout our marriage and I haven't noticed any loss of sensitivity on her part because of it. In fact the other day she had me put the vibrator away and just do oral because, according to her, at that moment, it just felt better than the vibrator. And, sure enough, her orgasm followed shortly thereafter.

Of course my personal experience is anecdotal and if you Google the topic you'll find the usual contradictory advice. Some doctors think it will cause a loss of sensitivity and some don't. The truth is that it probably varies from one woman to the next. So, try staying away from the toothbrush and shower head for a while.

Hmm. Suddenly I have this crazy idea on how to make men brush their teeth more often...

[rcoreyus]

There is also a lot of range in vibrators. Some are quite gentle, others (like a Hitachi) are very strong. I don't know where a toothbrush falls on this scale.