[dezzotel]

I'm 21 and have been sexually active since I was 17. The man I'm with now is the second person I slept with but we broke up for a couple months after his drinking became too much for me. When we first started dating, the sex was great and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. But later on he stopped wanting to, he would say he masturbates too much. Then he started verbally abusing me, telling me I'm ugly and useless. I finally worked up the courage and told him if he didn't stop drinking I would leave. So for 7 months we were broken up and I slept with 2 other people, one was just awfulbut the other was incredible. But now that my boyfriend sobered up were back together. Our relationship is better than ever, hhe's been kind and caring, tells me I'm sexy and beautiful. We've been back together for over a year now but we've probably only had sex like 10 times. I'm never turned on. He's not physically fit but he never really has been. He doesn't really ever dress up or try to impress me but he never did that either. I'm nervous that its because I had a better orgasm with a more attractive man and now I'm unattracted to my boyfriend. I tried to talk to him about it but he just got mad, I think I bruised his ego. He keeps telling me he needs sex and then I feel pressured so he'll say we dont have to but then I feel guilty
Sometimes I think I'm in the mood but I'm always bone dry and its just uncomfortable so I end up faking an orgasm. Its gotten to the point where I'd rather just stay home and use my vibrator because at least that is a sure thing .

[jen1447]

It may be attraction and the fact that you got it better from another guy hon, but it also could be a trust issue. For most women, we need feelings of intimacy and trust in order to let down our guard enough to orgasm freely. Your guy verbally abused you before and had issues with alcohol ....both are good reasons to keep your guard up, which won't exactly encourage letting yourself go for the sex.

We don't know too much about your relationship based on the paragraph above, but I really don't like the sound of the abuse. If he fixed the alcohol issue that's great, but I think those traits that lead to typical abuse patterns (blame, guilt, criticism) are most likely well ingrained and built over time. I doubt they came with the alcohol, and I doubt just as much they'll leave with it completely in the long run.

[atskitty2]

I think Jen is onto something with the trust and security that you're probably lacking in this relationship. Even tho things may seem much better now, I'm betting there are some unresolved issues lurking beneath the surface here.

[jns]

I doubt you find your vibrator incredibly sexually attractive, yet it does the job your bf is not doing.

Does your bf try to get you to orgasm through masturbating you or through giving you oral? Since it was not touched on, I suspect not. If not, I question if he is really working on getting you to orgasm, also. Then the reason you would orgasm before was due to your mental image that the situation was incredibly sexual. He broke that image by pulling away and verbally abusing you. After leaving, you ended up with one lover who you found to be even more sexual. Since getting back together, the sex with him has just not measured up and thus you are not turned on.

Now we turn to the vibrator. It is not sexual by itself, but properly placed, it hits all the right spots. The combination of hitting the right spots and your mind wondering to a scenario that turns you on (maybe with someone else or maybe alone) brings you to orgasm. Such a situation is possible with your bf if he would grow and work on figuring out what gets you off as far as physical stimulation along with mental stimulation.