[serio]

Hi,

I'm in a new relationship with an adorable women, we're both in our 40s and from what she tells me she's pretty inexperienced sexually. I've had enough lovers and feedback to know I'm pretty good in bad so I don't think I have a particularly bad technique or anything. Anyway - she doesn't orgasm during sex, including oral. We've got great communication and discussed it openly and there is absolutely no pressure from either of us to make this "a problem". Already our sex life is crazy good. I would just like to give her the gift of orgasm if possible. She's very sexual and uninhibited with me and based on my experience she seems to get very close but just doesn't cross over. She also says she thinks she has an orgasm when masturbating but that kind of makes me wonder Right now my plan is to buy her a toy and let her play with it so she can bring herself to orgasm if possible. So..

- If I buy her a toy (she's okay with the idea) what should I get?
- Besides oral what are other techniques I should try?
- What are some reliable resources out there that can help?
- Is it possible for her to orgasm without knowing it? Or not orgasm but think she is? In other words - would she be able to recognise an orgasm if she had one if she isn't actually orgasming now?
- Is it harder to start orgasming later in life if you're not already?

Thanks!

[JonDoe]

Since this is a new relationship, it may take you time to find what works best for her. Variation and patience are key. Look for signals that she is enjoying what you are doing, some of which may be very subtle. If she is comfortable with it, let her masturbate to orgasm while you watch (very hot). Or ask her to guide your hand, which she may be more comfortable with. Pay close attention to the pressure and tempo as well as the technique. Kegels may help her too. By all means, experiment and communicate.

Nothing brings my wife to orgasm faster and as powerful as simultaneously performing oral, tugging on her most sensitive nipple, fingering her vagina, and teasing her anus with a finger. Sends her into orbit every time. Of course, I don't start with all of those immediately, but add each one gradually.

Lelo has several great products, but they are a bit pricy. I bought my wife the LIV about a year ago. The first few times I used it on her she said it did nothing for her, but now she absolutely loves it.

Start with a warm bath or shower. Then give her a full body massage to relax her and put her in the mood. Soft music and scented candles are a nice touch too, which will heighten her other senses. Use a warming body massage and lubricant. I like one from my local Walgreens because it works as both a massage oil and personal lubricant, which is safe for external and internal use and does not stain clothing or the sheets.

I believe every woman is capable of achieving orgasm, but it requires open communication, patience and a concerted effort from both partners to get there. However, apparently orgasm remains elusive for at least 10% of women.

I can't offer advice on your other questions since I've been with the same woman for the past 25 years.

[jns]

Being sexual and uninhibited go a long way on the quest to bring her to orgasm. JonDoe hit most of the salient points in trying to get her to orgasm, but remember every woman is different so be very observant of what seems to get a positive, sexually related reaction from her. Work such observations in your routine. Don't go at any given place so continuously that she gets fatigue or overload. For many if not most women, clitoral or clitoral hood stimulation by tongue or hand is the key to orgasm. Consider this the center of your attention unless other erogenous areas seem to be more of a key. Go at it a while (not too long, not to short, again it will vary) at the primary center of attention and then go to alternate sites for a while so as to not create fatigue. Then come back and repeat.

[DreamP346]

- Is it possible for her to orgasm without knowing it? Or not orgasm but think she is? In other words - would she be able to recognise an orgasm if she had one if she isn't actually orgasming now?

Yes. Hollywood would make you think there is only one orgasm and it's loud and explosive. There are actually many ways a woman may orgasm and the same woman can orgasm differently. Some woman have very very mild orgasms. It's like the big explosive one with contracting vaginal muscles and a release at the end, but everything is a lot smaller. It's easy to miss when having such an orgasm. Some women have lots of tiny multiple orgasms. These women will either think they have really long orgasms or think they get close but never really orgasm.

One way to see if she is having an orgasm is insert a finger during sexual activity and feel if any contractions start happening. Remember, they may be very mild.

[Justice]

Re- toys.

One to try is the G-vibe - it is not cheap but it is rechargeable so you make up for it by the savings on batteries.

It can used internally and externally. Some women like direct stimulation on the clitoris, some along one side or the other and it can also stimulate the lips or the g-spot.

And it supposedly can be used together - I have not done that yet.

The guys have given some very good advice.