[ljeffs]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. We are both 22.We used to have a great sex life but over the last 6 months, he doesnt want sex with me. He says he's tired, not in the mood, he has a headache and always says stupid things like 'its only 4 o clock, lets wait' and it never happens. He wont even kiss me for more than 5 seconds. I've asked him whats wrong multiple times, he tells me everythings fine. I've told him i'm not sexually satisfied, I dont feel close to him and he says it will change, it never does. I've tried everything, photos, dressing up, doing things I know he likes and When we do have sex, i'm left feeling empty because i've had to ask for days, I try to make it playful but he seems in a rush, I feel empty. Besides sex we had a great relationship but now Its affected our relationship to the point where I have nothing to say to him in every day life because I feel so distant from him. I'd really appreciate any advice or thoughts. Thank you all

[jns]

Sometimes a person just loses interest in sex, but usually there is a cause. Common causes are infidelity and porn. Is there anything that would lead you to think that infidelity or porn could be interfering with your relationship with him?

[atskitty2]

What else has happened in this last 6 months or just prior to the change in sex? Stressors like job changes or family problems?

How's the relationship otherwise, around the time of this change in your sex life.
Was it a fairly sudden change or gradually?

[ljeffs]

Thanks for your responses. There has been no changes or stress whatsoever. I guess it was gradual as before we did have sex once a week at least, i'd keep trying but now, i know its useless. Other than the sex he's constantly telling me how lucky he is to have me, how beautiful I am and how in love he is with me but I feel i'm just on autopilot and theres no passion or closeness there anymore because i constantly feel rejected and pushed away.

[jen1447]

Just a thought but it sounds kind of like self-esteem issues. If he says he's lucky to have you, that implies that he thinks he doesn't deserve you. I know you're both quite young, but did he by any chance have a traumatic relationship before you? If people are hurt badly my major rejection, they can be made to feel (sometimes on a deeply subconscious level) like relationship failure is inevitable for them, that they're inferior, etc. And those feelings may rise to the surface to the point of becoming problematic very gradually.

Maybe try approaching it from that angle by reassuring him without going into specifics that you're not going to leave him. (Of course I could be wrong about all that, so use your discretion. It's just a possibility.) Also you might lower sex as a priority for the time being. If he's feeling pressured by that and failing, that will only fuel the fire. Just cuddle him up a lot (even if he doesn't cuddle back) and get used to going solo with masturbation for the time being to satisfy your physical needs.

[atskitty2]

I think Jen makes a valid point, but after 4 yrs in this relationship I do wonder why he's suddenly having confidence issues.
Have you really had the "come to Jesus" talk with him? Its probably time for a blunt and honest discussion on what's going on and explicitly tell him that things need to change

[Farmer by trade]

If you can see no reason for the change .... then run while you still can.... If this guy does not want you now don't expect it to be better when you are 50. This is not normal for a guy, at least from my perspective. An unbalanced libido is frustrating for the high drive spouse. You are too young to be locked into a sexless relationship. Go find a real man.