[lovesparrow]

Hi! I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now. Things are mostly great, except for that sex is infrequent. Before I had sex with him the first time, he was very active in trying to get me to have sex with him - rubbing against me, touching me all over.... about a month and a half after we met, we finally did it. It seems as though after that, he lost all interest... he's still very affectionate and loving, but he only wants sex once every two weeks on average. At first I questioned if I was bad in bed, but he assures me that when we do have sex, he enjoys it very much.
I try initiating sex or touching him, but he'll push my hand away laugh it off and say he's tired, or that it's cold out (what?). Things are going well at his job, although he is very stressed out recently. However, the lack of sex is now a new occurence, although he states that it is a result of work, so I don't believe him. I make him feel appreciated outside the bedroom, compliment him every day, so I don't know what the problem is. It's hurtful to live with him and sleep next to him every night but he doesn't want to touch me. Not to sound full of myself, but I'm not unattractive! I figured it might just be a dry spell but it's always been like this.... last week we had sex after almost a full month of nothing.... and even then I think he wasn't that into it and was just giving in. I want him to really want it. I get rejected so much that I feel incredibly unsexy and I feel like just giving up on the idea that we'll have an active sex life. This is making me feel not as close to him, and I don't want this to ruin out relationship. Sex is supposed to bring us closer, not cause a divide. I've talked to him, and he says it will get better and more frequent but it never does. Any advice?

[jns]

Stress could very well be the cause. High amounts of stress can come from an emasculating situation (say a very demanding boss) but self imposed stress can also be emasculating. Does he have any erectile dysfunction symptoms?

[JadedQueen]

Does he look at porn a lot? I was with a guy and in a very similar situation and my self esteem took a nose dive. I thought it HAD to be me he wasn't into etc... well later on down the road discovered he was a porn addict and real situations didn't turn him on cuz of the addiction
,

[JonDoe]

Does he look at porn a lot? I was with a guy and in a very similar situation and my self esteem took a nose dive. I thought it HAD to be me he wasn't into etc... well later on down the road discovered he was a porn addict and real situations didn't turn him on cuz of the addiction.

While porn may or may not be the issue, I think it is unfair to assume that a low-desire male must be watching and/or addicted to porn. Initial responses to posts involving a male rejecting sex usually suggest that he is watching too much porn or even addicted to porn, whereas posts involving a female usually suggests she has a low-libido, he is a lousy lover, or he is not helping with household chores or child care. Responses like these generally make it HIS problem.

People come here looking for advice not reasons or excuses for their partners behavior.

Talk to him openly, confidently, constructively and compassionately. Share your feelings with him. Ask him to share his feelings with you. Don't jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Don't make it HIS problem to solve. Ask what YOU can do to help the situation. Ask if HE is happy in the relationship. Ask of HE is happy with the level of physical intimacy. By all means, try to look at it from his perspective too. Good luck!

[Stillness]

Understanding the reasons for behavior is part of advice. And other people's experiences are informative and can sometimes help us sort through our own.

[kate61]

I would ask questions, does it get hard, what's stressing him, why would he be tired as sex can be relaxing, am I unattractive or is he getting it on somewhere. Call 911

[Motorguy]

I would ask questions, does it get hard, what's stressing him, why would he be tired as sex can be relaxing, am I unattractive or is he getting it on somewhere. Call 911

Really good points here Kate, The internet porn has really ruin many relationships I can explain why it's not real for the person watching it. But to allow yourself to be hook onto porn then have real sex with your girl friend or wife is mind boggling.I really think they need to see a sex therapist to get down to the root of the problem of why.

[Motorguy]

Hi! I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now. Things are mostly great, except for that sex is infrequent. Before I had sex with him the first time, he was very active in trying to get me to have sex with him - rubbing against me, touching me all over.... about a month and a half after we met, we finally did it. It seems as though after that, he lost all interest... he's still very affectionate and loving, but he only wants sex once every two weeks on average. At first I questioned if I was bad in bed, but he assures me that when we do have sex, he enjoys it very much.
I try initiating sex or touching him, but he'll push my hand away laugh it off and say he's tired, or that it's cold out (what?). Things are going well at his job, although he is very stressed out recently. However, the lack of sex is now a new occurence, although he states that it is a result of work, so I don't believe him. I make him feel appreciated outside the bedroom, compliment him every day, so I don't know what the problem is. It's hurtful to live with him and sleep next to him every night but he doesn't want to touch me. Not to sound full of myself, but I'm not unattractive! I figured it might just be a dry spell but it's always been like this.... last week we had sex after almost a full month of nothing.... and even then I think he wasn't that into it and was just giving in. I want him to really want it. I get rejected so much that I feel incredibly unsexy and I feel like just giving up on the idea that we'll have an active sex life. This is making me feel not as close to him, and I don't want this to ruin out relationship. Sex is supposed to bring us closer, not cause a divide. I've talked to him, and he says it will get better and more frequent but it never does. Any advice?

Well Lovesparrow I hate to say this but this is a classic thing that happens to men going through the motion.This is where you have to look deep down is this the man you want to marry and have a family with. If it's like this now and not married to him how you think it's going to be when you do.This is when you need that heart to heart chat with bf would he agree to seek going to counseling for what has him not wanting sex with you.If not then you need to find that guy who will give you support,love,sex and respect.Many guys think they don't have a problem until they are hit between the eyes there gf has left them for that man who can offer more in the relationship then what you are getting now.