[honeybee888]

Assuming your BF is a young man, he is suffering from sensory overload. Chances are pretty good he's masturbating to porn and so when he's with you he's become desensitized. Men are variety oriented and porn satisfies that desire instantly. Unfortunately, it also messes up a real human relationship. Try this trick: Next time he wants to jack off, have him phone you instead of watching porn. At least with phone sex the stimulus will be your voice. You could even participate with some masturbation of your own. If you're not available by phone, perhaps give him a few naughty photos of yourself with which to jack off (better you than some porn queen).

yeah he is he is 27, but i am 25. he has told me before that he does feel desensitized from sex somewhat. Those are some good ideas, I have tried to 'sext' him but he doesnt really respond the right way or tells me he doesnt really see the point in it when im already his girlfriend. Those are the things that make me feel like he finds me unattractive. Its like he doesnt really want to try and find sex fun even tho it can be fun regardless if its with the same person or not. it seems he would just rather masturbate. lol

[honeybee888]

Blindfold him, tie his hands behind his head, and tell him he's not allowed to talk until you're done with him.

Seriously.

I do like that idea as well... a lot. I have blindfolded him before. but not tie his hands, hes just tied mine!! but I will try this one!

[jen1447]

'Ive seen you give oral a thousand times'

.... masturbation warnings ....

he has told me before that he does feel desensitized from sex somewhat

tells me he doesnt really see the point in it when im already his girlfriend

Seriously hon, it sounds like he's covering for his inability to get or keep an erection. Sex with the same person over a long period of time does tend to lose the luster, but he seems to be deflecting rather than coming to grips. Thing is he can be an erection machine regardless with the right conditioning.

[DreamP346]

Losing an erection can be caused from various reasons. Here are a few:

Organic cause: Low T, hypertension or other medical issues. If he loses his erection during masturbation as well, then I would venture it's a physical issue.

Psychological issues: Stress, depression, etc. In this case, deal with the underlying cause. The sexual issue usually fixes itself.

Lack of/low desire: This can be for sex in general or just for current partner. This would require relationship negotiations and possibly seeing a sex therapist

Medication and/or drugs: Even smoking and drinking can cause this

Porn and masturbation: Sometimes men get so accustomed to porn, regular life doesn't excite them enough. Also, the tight grip of their hand may desensitize them to the vagina tightness.

[PhrendlyPhil]

It's ok for him to have his own personal fantasies but occasionally you should be a part of them. Tell him that if he'll refrain from masturbating for an entire week you'll let him jack off on any part of your body he wants (vulva, breast, butt, face, whatever turns him on). You should assure him its ok to share his wildest fantasies with you.

[honeybee888]

Porn and masturbation: Sometimes men get so accustomed to porn, regular life doesn't excite them enough. Also, the tight grip of their hand may desensitize them to the vagina tightness.

I think that is the most accurate, when it starts to interfere with our sex life it makes me feel insecure.

[honeybee888]

It's ok for him to have his own personal fantasies but occasionally you should be a part of them. Tell him that if he'll refrain from masturbating for an entire week you'll let him jack off on any part of your body he wants (vulva, breast, butt, face, whatever turns him on). You should assure him its ok to share his wildest fantasies with you.

I have tried in the past to ask him to not jerk off and he will do ok but now he basically tells me that he feels like he has to and its easier to just go get it out of his system and move on with his day. but it makes me feel like he just doesnt like having sex with me anymore when it goes soft and i know he cant help him self but to jerk off.

[TJPatriot]

I know I'm a bit late to the party here but...

I'm going to go with performance anxiety. You said it's been happening the whole relationship, which means that early on he was really nervous and anxious about sex with you. And ever since then he gets afraid it's going to happen again, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The fact that you then blame it on his porn habits only digs a deeper hole for him. Early in my relationship I had problems getting/keeping an erection. It was like a full month of hardly being able to go until I completed because I would simply lose my erection all the time. And I realized that this was because I was worrying so much about her pleasure and wanting her to get off each time that I essentially psyched myself out of it.

Also, while there is some truth to the "penis desensitization" bit, I don't really think it applies to vaginal stimulation. Honestly it's oral sex or a handjob from my girlfriend that is often "not enough" for me. Vaginal stimulation is so drastically different than masturbation they're almost entirely different things to me. As well, the main thing with jerking myself off is fast, hard movements, which is entirely possible during sex, not necessarily so common during oral sex. Though there are times when my girlfriend isn't really tight enough to offer good friction, there are some different positions we can use to get around that. I think the negative effect of porn on men is mostly a mental aspect, of what to "expect" during sex and the sort, I'm not sure I believe in there being a significant physical desensitization. I've been jerking off since before my penis produced semen (1-3x a day generally) and haven't stopped aside from really short periods of time and I don't have any issues with sex like so many people seem to throw at masturbation.

[Patti-here]

This just a guess on my part, but maybe he's feeling inadequate, have you ever tried complementing him on his performance ?

[effy2014]

sp and TJ are spot on in my opinion. It's psychological or physiological. This is an issue that goes to the core of his manhood and he is probably freaking out on the inside. I think the masterbation is a way of proving to himself that he can still orgasm. It is super important for you to be supportive rather than critical. Don't make this about you. Help him figure out what is going on in his brain just before he looses his erection. He may be worrying about pleasing you.

If he can't figure out the psychological reasons, he may be a candidate for that little blue pill -- he can have a 3 hour 50 minute erection before heading off to the hospital.