[Trixareforkids]

It seems like most of the threads under this topic and in a lot of the Relationship topics as well come down to sexual compatibility, so I thought I'd start a new thread specifically about just that.

1. How do you define sexual compatibility?
2. How important would you rate sexual compatibility in a relationship?
3. Did you consciencly test your sexual compatibility with your partner before entering into the "serious" portion of your relationship?
4. Have you ever pushed through an incompatibility to the "serious" stage? And if so how do you feel it's impacted the relationship?
4. Have you ever experienced an incompatibility at a later stage in a relationship? And if so how did/are you dealing with it?
5. Have you ever jumped to the serious stage of a relationship (moving in/getting married) without knowing if you were sexually compatible? (No or very little sex beforehand.)

Ok, I think that about covers it. Let me know if I've missed anything.

[Trixareforkids]

And here are my answers:

1. My definition of sexually compatible starts with a phrase from the advice column Savage Love by Dan Savage. GGG, Good, giving and game. Good would be knowing what you want and caring what your partner wants. Giving is caring as much about your partners needs as your own and game is non-judgementally listening to your partners fantasies and where ever possible trying to help make them happen. This does not however, mean doing something you find truly distasteful, but that even if your partner does, or thinks they might, like something you find distasteful that you are willing to think and talk about it. The next part of compatibility is libido, they should generally match up, or if they don't the one with the lesser libido should be willing to lend a hand or mouth or watch the show if they're not in the mood or make it an open relationship. The final part of sexual compatibility for me is whether they can make you feel good just by looking at you.

2. To me it comes only second to trust as trust is a necessary component of good sex.

3. Yes we did. I told him early on that I wouldn't get married until we'd been together 5 years because if after 5 years you WANT to get married, then you actually have a decent chance of a good marriage.

[Trixareforkids]

4. No

5. Yes, when my libido has gone on hiatus. Love, trust and patience. The patience was mostly on his part, but not completely. When he would lose his and begin to feel rejected or dejected it was my turn to show him extra love and to be patient until he could be accepting again.

6. Yes, I had a lightning fast relationship when I was 17/18, got married to get out of my mother's house and it went about as well as you'd expect. Fortunately for me he was carted off to jail for violation of probation, which I wasn't even aware he was on. Start to finish, 9 months, lol. Though I didn't get divorced until 3 years later. Which was a big part of my 5 year rule for my next (current ) relationship.

[jen1447]

1. Both parties orgasm well from and with each other.
2. Very.
3. Yes, always.
4a. No.
4b. Nope.
5. No.

I don't think I've ever had a sexually incompatible relationship - I tend to make them compatible myself.

[LilahX]

1. Sexual compatibility is knowing/understanding your partners needs and desires and being willing to try and fulfill them (for both parties obviously)
2. Although people don't like to think sex is a huge part of relationships, I believe it is. You only need to look at the number of people looking elsewhere to get things they're not getting from sex 'at home' to see that it matters - a lot. Sex is a major urge that's difficult to suppress and when it is suppressed, you get problems.
3. I met my partner for 'fun' only. B/c emotions weren't in play we were able to be open and honest about sex so by the time we were in love, there were no secrets. I honestly believe it's the way to go.
4. As above, b/c we had no sexual secrets by the time it was 'serious' there has never been anything we can't discuss with regards to sex.

I truly believe that assessing sexual compatibility should come very early on as I have seen too many cases where desires/beliefs are mismatched and it's lead to cheating and dishonesty.

[Romy]

It seems like most of the threads under this topic and in a lot of the Relationship topics as well come down to sexual compatibility, so I thought I'd start a new thread specifically about just that.

1. How do you define sexual compatibility?
2. How important would you rate sexual compatibility in a relationship?
3. Did you consciencly test your sexual compatibility with your partner before entering into the "serious" portion of your relationship?
4. Have you ever pushed through an incompatibility to the "serious" stage? And if so how do you feel it's impacted the relationship?
4. Have you ever experienced an incompatibility at a later stage in a relationship? And if so how did/are you dealing with it?
5. Have you ever jumped to the serious stage of a relationship (moving in/getting married) without knowing if you were sexually compatible? (No or very little sex beforehand.)

Ok, I think that about covers it. Let me know if I've missed anything.

1. Both parties wanting and enjoying the same things. Meeting each other's needs.
2. Very very important. For me it's the glue that holds a relationship together.
3. Not really but we knew we were compatible...
4. Yes - medical reasons.....prefer not to disclose
5. No

[effy2014]

It seems like most of the threads under this topic and in a lot of the Relationship topics as well come down to sexual compatibility, so I thought I'd start a new thread specifically about just that.

1. How do you define sexual compatibility?
2. How important would you rate sexual compatibility in a relationship?
3. Did you consciencly test your sexual compatibility with your partner before entering into the "serious" portion of your relationship?
4. Have you ever pushed through an incompatibility to the "serious" stage? And if so how do you feel it's impacted the relationship?
4. Have you ever experienced an incompatibility at a later stage in a relationship? And if so how did/are you dealing with it?
5. Have you ever jumped to the serious stage of a relationship (moving in/getting married) without knowing if you were sexually compatible? (No or very little sex beforehand.)

Ok, I think that about covers it. Let me know if I've missed anything.

1. Sexual compatibility is not unlike emotional compatibility. Someone who is a giver first and seeks a partners satisfaction as much as his/her own. Being open to discussing new ideas and pleasures but never demanding that a partner's boundaries be crossed. Working through difficult times with love and patience. Having similar libidos. Knowing the difference between intimacy and sex and understanding the importance of intimacy in emotional connection.

2. Extremely important.

3. Didn't in my early years and got burned. Now, it's critical component of any relationship.

4. Yes and it partially resulted in the end to a marriage. I saw the signs of incompatibility but always believed that we could work through them. When you realize that the "honeymoon" state of a relationship was not the long term reality, it is difficult.

4. No. I now deal with times of difficulties not inherent incompatibility. The stress of life brings many challenges. I look at the long term and deal with issues in a loving and patient manner. When you work them out, your relationship becomes stronger.

5. I would give this a qualified yes. I think it was too early to tell and I hoped that things were better than they were. The rose colored glasses approach. Never again. It's why communication is so important in a relationship. Find out what you need to know before you make mistakes.

Great thread.