[muffin70]

The other night my wife was out with a friend and I very rarely have time to myself to watch TV, so I took the opportunity to relax and watch some TV – then I got bored and went on the computer and looked up some pornography… I hardly ever look at porn on the computer, but decided to have a browse.

on the rare occasions I have looked at porn I like to watch compilations, particularly cumshots, handjob / blowjob – any clips where the woman is milking the sperm from the mans penis. I find that a real turn on when the man is not in control and the woman is making him cum.

But while doing this I stumbled across a couple of ‘gay’ compilations, where gay men were having sex and ejaculating on each other, and this strangely turned me on massively… watching a man have anal sex with another man then pull out and squirt cum over the mans back or over the mans genitals / stomach just made me lose control – and I’m lucky I had a spare handkerchief on the dresser next to me because I grabbed it just in time and blew a massive load into it.

I felt guilty about what I had just done, but the next morning my wife and I made love and everything was fine.

I am not attracted to men in any way and love my wife to bits, but I don't know why I enjoyed watching these 'gay' clips online?

[Trixareforkids]

Straight women watch gay/lesbian porn all the time, don't let it bother you. Our taste in porn doesn't necessarily reflect what we want to do in real life. It was visually appealing to you and it doesn't have to mean anything more than that.

[atskitty2]

Muffin, I agree with Trix. I also think sometimes the things we would least be interested in doing, are somehow the most intriguing in a "safe" setting such as porn. I wouldn't worry too much.

I don't think it means you have some male desire that you didn't realize you had, or anything like that.

[rcoreyus]

Human sexuality is much to complicated for simple labels like "straight", "bi" and "gay". People may be attracted to different things in fantasy than in reality. They may carve novelty. They may be attracted to a sexual activity, not a person etc, etc. Many people are attracted to the forbidden. I suspect some of the people who watch child porn are not actually interested in children, but rather have a fetish for forbidden things, and child porn is the most forbidden thing. In your case the fact fact that gay sex is not allowed may make the fantasy appealing.

What you enjoy in fantasy is your business and no one else's.

[Archer]

I waited a bit to answer this, so I wouldn't come off as a **** (I'm not always the most sensitive human being when it comes to this stuff).

I think the real question you need to be asking is not if you are gay or not. You'll find out eventually.

The real questions you need to ask yourself:

1) What would you do if your wife found out/walked in on this and freaked out (likely scenario if you have never disclosed this)
2) Would you be better off talking it out with her and/or a therapist, or hiding it and keeping it to yourself
3) If she found out, would she eventually accept this habit and who you are
4) Would you be able to continue a monogamous straight marriage if these desires towards the same sex increased

I've heard stories of men that are WAY into porn, and their dopamine receptors are so fried that they get into more and more out-of-the-ordinary stuff, a.k.a. gay porn, child porn, bestiality, etc. since the old stuff just doesn't do it for them anymore. But if you only watch it occasionally, you may actually have something different going on.

Time to do some real soul-searching, find out your direction, and see if your wife is along for the ride. Don't sit around and hope it will go away. I don't mean to make you sweat, but it may absolutely destroy your wife to know that you are into this (especially if you've been hiding it from her), so this isn't something you should just accept as is and hope that by chance she never finds out.

Hope this helps?

[Trixareforkids]

Archer, I think you're reacting like Muffin did. While you do have a point about how his wife would react if she find out cold without some sort of heads up, I think the rest is over reaction. I think the reaction comes from an assumption that because he does not have a desire to have a relationship with another man that he shouldn't enjoy watching other men have sex. This is a touch of homo-fearia (if I enjoy looking at men it must make me gay). Enjoying watching someone else's pleasure does not mean you want to do or participate in whatever they were doing. Some straight women enjoy lesbian porn, we can see ourselves as both the giver and the receiver and we enjoy gay porn, oh those beautiful men, and lots of other types of porn that we have no desire to try IRL. It's the same for men, men just get stigmatized a LOT more if what they enjoy watching (or even occasionally fantasizing about) falls outside of whatever group they're in.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little bi-curiosity. Sometimes we're most fascinated or titillated by those things we ourselves have no desire to do, probably in part because we ourselves would not do them.

For Muffin: if you already share porn with your wife, you might try to introduce some porn that includes a MMF where the men interact and see how it's received. If it's received well then you can try moving forward from there, you might be pleasantly surprised and find that your wife enjoys it too. If it's not well received or you don't already share porn with your wife, then just keep it to your alone time and be sure to clear your history after every session. My hubby and I have some similar porn tastes but there are a couple of things each likes that other don't so he clears those out of the history so I don't have to run across them, he leaves the others for my enjoyment and I do the same. It's just a matter of courtesy, like a lot of other things in the relationship.

[rcoreyus]

I think about it this way: As a straight man, I'm attracted to women. I'm very attracted to my wife, but like many men I find other women attractive as well. I can't imagine my wife is surprised or shocked by this. My being attracted to other women doesn't mean I'm going to have sex with them, at most it may result in the occasional fantasy.

My wife as a straight woman is attracted to other men. I don't mind, I find it sort of entertaining when she mentions some actor she is attracted to, or even a waiter at a restaurant. She isn't planning on having sex with them, she just finds them attractive.

If I found out she was also attracted to women (she has never suggested this), I'd be fine with that too. That wouldn't mean she was planning to leave me for a woman, just that she found some women attractive - at least in fantasy. Personally I wouldn't mind if she indulged that fantasy - though I'd like to hear all the details ;-).

Why should a wife / girlfriend be any different if she found out her male partner was attracted to men. That doesn't mean he is going to have sex with other men. His attraction to other men is in no way different from his attraction to other women. If you want to call it being "bi", that fine, the words don't change anything. The only way it would be a problem is if he was ONLY attracted to men, if he were completely gay, that would of course be a real issue for a heterosexual relationship. That isn't the case here, so no worries.

[DreamP346]

I love watching sci-fi and fantasy movies. I even like mindless violent movies with lots of sex and stupid story-lines sometimes. Occasionally I like seeing movies where the bad guy wins and the good guy loses. I am guessing many other folks do so as well. Does that make me a violent, evil person who wants to turn into a witch and place curses on others? So why do we attribute so much to what we watch in porn when we watch so much other junk on regular movies. It's the same. We watch it for entertainment. Usually, it's not a reflection of who we are, just what we enjoy watching.

[jen1447]

While I agree with the sentiment here that your sexuality, whatever it is, is not some sort of doomsday diagnosis, I do tend to think that if you like watching men have sex, there's a pretty good chance you may be gay or bisexual. Would that be a deal-breaker for your wife?

Bisexuality is a funny thing - it's far, far more socially acceptable in modern western cultures for women to be sexual with other women than for men with men. The stigma of being gay for men is pretty much still there with all its original power in the mainstream. But IMO, bisexuality is not even across the board to begin with. I guess I just look at it as unusual when seen in men, personally (not wrong), while with women it seems perfectly natural to me. I guess that's because men and women are fundamentally different, despite equal rights and all that.

[Archer]

While I agree with the sentiment here that your sexuality, whatever it is, is not some sort of doomsday diagnosis, I do tend to think that if you like watching men have sex, there's a pretty good chance you may be gay or bisexual. Would that be a deal-breaker for your wife?

^this

As nice as it may sound to believe that every woman is a progressive saint who would completely understand the sight of walking in on her man whacking it to two dudes, the conversation after that point would probably be far from positive.

The key would be to first find where you really stand with yourself, and NOT to blow this off as nothing (not saying it's wrong bud, just that it warrants you searching yourself a little deeper to see where this is coming from). Speaking from an idealistic standpoint, your wife would accept this, it may have nothing or very little to do with your orientation, and you two could move on after talking about it. From a realistic standpoint, you may need to prepare for a bit more than that. Especially if it's hidden from her.

A good friend of mine from childhood told me he was into gay porn from a young age. I blew it off and told him whatever it's just some Freudian BS. For 15+ years he held it in, and only now, in his late 20's is he exploring this side of himself, and in tears told me he was bisexual all this time, and had been scared ****less to tell me. Don't lock yourself up and try to ignore it, and explain it away, that's all I'm trying to say. The description you gave of your experience is anything but some casual "hey this is cool" kind of thing.