[whydoesithurt]

hello ladies. i am 25, and i lost my virginity when i was 22. ive never had a boyfriend that ive had regular sex with, just a few occasions here and there. that is until now. i am married, and my boyfriend was a virgin until he met me (seriously, not a pick up line. hes tunisian, and its part of their religion). because of this, neither of us (esp him!) are very skilled at sex. it hurts me a lot when we try, and because of this, we dont do it very often. maybe once a month. he doesnt spend a long time on foreplay (maybe a couple of minutes), so im not really in the mood, or well lubricated. ive tried explaining to him how he needs to spend more time on foreplay, and even sent him links that would give him tips. i bought lube, ive tried showing him where and how to rub. but nothing works. i just have to grit my teeth and pray until its over, it burns so much. what can i do to make this situation better?? how can we improve? or how can i make it not hurt so much?

[Damieboo]

I won't pretend to be an expert, but my husband is pretty well-endowed while I'm small and petite, and it hurt a lot the first time. Like, A LOT. It still always hurts a little when we first start, but make sure his penis is very well lubed and make sure you are too. Tell him to make small, gentle jabs. He can't just push it all the way in the first time. My husband can't do that and we've had sex hundreds of times. Your vagina is a muscle and it needs to be stretched gradually. Even if you have sex a lot, it won't really stretch it out much, because it goes back to the same size it was when you're not having sex. Little by little he can start to push in further, and it probably will hurt a little (but should NOT hurt a lot!), but once you're fully stretched, it won't hurt any more. That's usually when he's all the way in. It takes my husband about 30 seconds now but when we first started having sex, it would take me a couple minutes before it stopped hurting. Tell him to stop if it hurts too much and let him stay there so your vagina can become accomodated. Take as long as you need until the pain goes away. Always use more lube than you think you should, because it seems to dry up quick and friction is what causes that burning sensation. It's an unfortunate thing for us ladies if we're petite or our husbands are well-endowed, but all you need is patience and persistence.

[rcoreyus]

The key here is that he be willing to spend time doing what you enjoy in bed. Most women don't want to jump right into intercourse. If he doesn't care about you, then you have a much broader problem than uncomfortable sex.

Do you think he understands what you want and just isn't willing, or does he not understand?

[whydoesithurt]

thank you!! its good to know im not alone in this. i am a bit petite as well, and he certainly is endowed! he does care that its not comfortable for me, but i think hes just, you know, a guy. not really all that brilliant :P

[Euphoric]

Jumping right to it doesn't help at all for starters. Definitely use plenty of lube. Maybe you need to take control and slow him down - caress, kiss, fondle, etc. Have you tried being on top? You can control the depth of penetration, the rhythm, and whether to ride or grind.

[PhrendlyPhil]

thank you!! its good to know im not alone in this. i am a bit petite as well, and he certainly is endowed! he does care that its not comfortable for me, but i think hes just, you know, a guy. not really all that brilliant :P

Start out with lots of long kissing and touching. Then, if you're still not well lubed by nature, add a couple drops of Astroglide (any drugstore) to his penis/your vagina. Have him start slow and then little by little make his way inside you. My wife and I have been using artificial lubricant for over 20 years. It is God's little gift to lovers.

[Justice]

Hi. There is another open thread which is very similar ... but to repeat... If it hurts mostly because he is too large for your vagina (whether he is usually large or not), more than just because you need more lubrication, it could mean that you need to be stretched more. Or there is also something called vaginismus.

It is possible that (vaginal) dilators could be helpful? You start with a smaller size and work up the the larger sizes. There are a fair number of women who are very tight and need to stretch before they could comfortably have intercourse. And the posts about lube/astroglide are good suggestions as well. Also note that you may have to reapply. For some women who ejaculate (FE,squirt,gush, etc), this tends to be thinner and to "wash" awat some the more slippery natural lube,

[Motorguy]

hello ladies. i am 25, and i lost my virginity when i was 22. ive never had a boyfriend that ive had regular sex with, just a few occasions here and there. that is until now. i am married, and my boyfriend was a virgin until he met me (seriously, not a pick up line. hes tunisian, and its part of their religion). because of this, neither of us (esp him!) are very skilled at sex. it hurts me a lot when we try, and because of this, we dont do it very often. maybe once a month. he doesnt spend a long time on foreplay (maybe a couple of minutes), so im not really in the mood, or well lubricated. ive tried explaining to him how he needs to spend more time on foreplay, and even sent him links that would give him tips. i bought lube, ive tried showing him where and how to rub. but nothing works. i just have to grit my teeth and pray until its oveou r, it burns so much. what can i do to make this situation better?? how can we improve? or how can i make it not hurt so much?

Well Whydoeshurt well your already answer your own question about your boy friend his up bringing is no pleasure for the women just them self. i mean you try to get him to look at material to make the sex more pleasure for you but that's not working so hold sex out for him and get your self so different size toys so you can enjoy sex. if he says something about it just be honest with him that he's keeps hurting you while you having sex. Either he learns to be more gentle or tell enjoy rosemary palm and her 5 sister for a while.

[whydoesithurt]

thank you everyone, thats all really helpful!!

[DreamP346]

If he is not willing to engage in foreplay to get you ready, then don't give him sex. You need to put your foot down. 20 minutes of foreplay or no sex. That's the rule. If he can't wait, then he is a selfish child only interested in his own pleasure. He needs to grow up.