[Brebrebre]

So I have been with him, for almost 2 years (in a couple of months)
Prior to that, My first bf (ex) ever was the one in this whole world that could turn me on like a light switch. Yes after him I have meet a few guys who did a decent job, and some who just couldn't.

My bf now, the first time being intimate, he had the actions like every guy do like they know what they are doing so I was expecting a lot but didn't get much feeling at all. Yet it was my decision to chose a guy who treats me right over sex. Up until now I have had to force myself to make him happy, I still have no feeling when we are intimate, and that is what feels weird to me like I am doing things for nothing. I have decided that I will make him happy after I have tried to "teach' him how people do moves and stuff. It seems when doing it it is forever so I rather him go back to before where he would just satisfy himself in under 2 mins.
But what I want to know is if anyone with experience has went through this ?
Also when I tried to teach him it went from no feeling to just and uncomfortable pain... (not a pain I would get from my ex which would hurt in gut for days..cervix?) another reason why i told him to just do that one lazy move he always did.

I don't know what to do... we are college aged and he is 22 so many years ahead and I feel like with an old man, even though I know older men can turn on. It's the feeling of choosing physical happiness over the future husband and father happiness. He wants to not give up and doesnt understand its getting worse and I feel so bad for him, that I know for a fact he can never please me, he just is not a "freak" (more the awkward, lazy, thinks sexual things are nasty and nerdy, but love sex... which is bad on me

Can you live a life like this..

PS we do talk and I do say things just to see how he would react like, i have been saying even when we were friends I would become the "sexy mom" or cougar he would say "i'm not gone chase these young boys" and later "so you would cheat thats wrong"... but months earlier when we were not really doing any intimacy I would say I just don't want to actually end up cheating on you and he would be like "do what you have to do"

He was looking for females to have "fun" with, but with no luck

I know for a fact he is the best option for me as he truly in love with me and all that, and I love how we are, but he is right when he says it would be perfect only if the intimacy was there. I need honest help

[Lancashire Lad]

Do you see yourself having a long term future with him?, if you feel like this now then its going to get worse once love dies. good luck with this but it looks like it could be doomed.

[effy2014]

You know the answer to this question. Sex is too important in a relationship to be with a man who does not turn you on.

You are still in and need to keep things in perspective. He is not the only man who will treat you right. You do not have to choose between a sexless life with a good man or great sex with a bad one. Keep looking for someone who has both qualities.

[Claret]

My questions center around how are you teaching him to be a better lover? If you're going about it in a school-teacher manner and lying in bed and you're saying "touch me here, do this, don't do that, while your in there do this with your hands", he's going to be really uneasy, frustrated and not able to perform. There are ways of telling men/lovers what feels good and what doesn't, sometimes by not saying a word. If you have to, keep it to a minimum for each session. When he does do something that feels good to you, then you tell him how good it feels. Trust me he will remember and continue to do this the next time. Then if he does something different and you like it, then tell him you like it.

Intimacy is more than sex. Intimacy is sharing and knowing each other extremely well. Intimacy is knowing how to make the other person feel special and that they are the only person that matters in the world at any given point in time.

Quite frankly given what you've said here I can't imagine him feeling very good about these encounters at all. It has probably demoralized him, deflated his ego if it's left him with any. Maybe what he needs is to find that person that will build him up rather than put him down.

[DreamP346]

Take is from a woman who is in a sexless/bad sex relationship. It only gets worse. Everything else may be fine right now, but resentment creeps in. Without the intimacy of sex, you lose your connection. It's just a very bad way to be in a relationship. You will eventually fall out of love and by that time, you may have invested too much in the relationship (marriage, kids, house) to leave.

First, don't settle. Try to fix this. If it's not fixable, you need to get out of this relationship.

If your bf is not willing to try to change his behavior and attitude about sex, he is not worth sticking around for. If he truly cared about you, he would try his best to fix things. have a good long chat. A direct chat, not just asking indirect questions about what he likes. Be very honest. Explain that this needs to change or this relationship is not going to work. Ask him to read some books. Many people recommend "she comes first". It all about pleasing a woman. I like "Guide to Getting it On." It's just a book about all the basics and based on your bf's attitude, I think he needs the basics. Another good basics book is "Joy of Sex."

Give him direction. Masturbate in front of him to show him how. Don't let him get off until you have some fun too. Otherwise he will have no incentive to focus on you. Consider seeing a sex therapist.

If nothing works, leave. Sex is too important a part of life to compromise on so early on.

[jen1447]

His attitude definitely sounds like it's in the toilet, which doesn't seem to indicate a bright future. I agree, for most people, a life without sexual satisfaction is not good. I'd take the advice you've gotten here and straighten it out or move on, both ASAP.

[rcoreyus]

It wasn't quite clear to me: Is he doing the right things physically, but that just isn't turning you on, or is he not able to learn to do the physical things you like?

[redrose2]

Iv had a few experiences like this in the past, at first you think you can be happy satisfying him, then 'sorting' yourself out later when they are not around, but trust me, it just turns in to boredom and resentment, then you start thinking "why should he be the only one happy and satisfied", I'd either try talking to him and tell him how u feel or just get out now. I had to sort of have this conversation with my partner last night. Luckily after a lot of arguing he took what I said on board, good luck what ever u decide

[Motorguy]

So I have been with him, for almost 2 years (in a couple of months)
Prior to that, My first bf (ex) ever was the one in this whole world that could turn me on like a light switch. Yes after him I have meet a few guys who did a decent job, and some who just couldn't.

My bf now, the first time being intimate, he had the actions like every guy do like they know what they are doing so I was expecting a lot but didn't get much feeling at all. Yet it was my decision to chose a guy who treats me right over sex. Up until now I have had to force myself to make him happy, I still have no feeling when we are intimate, and that is what feels weird to me like I am doing things for nothing. I have decided that I will make him happy after I have tried to "teach' him how people do moves and stuff. It seems when doing it it is forever so I rather him go back to before where he would just satisfy himself in under 2 mins.
But what I want to know is if anyone with experience has went through this ?
Also when I tried to teach him it went from no feeling to just and uncomfortable pain... (not a pain I would get from my ex which would hurt in gut for days..cervix?) another reason why i told him to just do that one lazy move he always did.

I don't know what to do... we are college aged and he is 22 so many years ahead and I feel like with an old man, even though I know older men can turn on. It's the feeling of choosing physical happiness over the future husband and father happiness. He wants to not give up and doesnt understand its getting worse and I feel so bad for him, that I know for a fact he can never please me, he just is not a "freak" (more the awkward, lazy, thinks sexual things are nasty and nerdy, but love sex... which is bad on me

Can you live a life like this..

PS we do talk and I do say things just to see how he would react like, i have been saying even when we were friends I would become the "sexy mom" or cougar he would say "i'm not gone chase these young boys" and later "so you would cheat thats wrong"... but months earlier when we were not really doing any intimacy I would say I just don't want to actually end up cheating on you and he would be like "do what you have to do"

He was looking for females to have "fun" with, but with no luck

I know for a fact he is the best option for me as he truly in love with me and all that, and I love how we are, but he is right when he says it would be perfect only if the intimacy was there. I need honest help

Well your boy friend is just how can I say this so inexperience in the bedroom period. Well a good relationship is everything that includes sex as well. It seem you just going the motion and I hate to say this but climb abroad pump and dump and get off and go to sleep that's not sex but very sad for him. Where did he learn about sex from a match box cover. I see this relationship going no where fast quick and you better off my opinion you need a guy who can give you satisfaction in the bedroom as well treat you like a lady.