[DonDraper123]

I mean, that could just be a me-problem, but she says no guy has ever found that within her. We also haven't really made a conscious effort to try different things yet. I just don't want to make it weird nor do I want to make her uncomfortable. I know she has certain insecurities, which I think is ridiculous as I think she's beautiful. I've never gone to a site like this before and only did because I would do anything to make her as happy as she makes me.

This is something that I want to last and don't want something like this to get in the way

I also wanted to say thank you to all of you. I really do appreciate the conversation and support. It wasn't easy for me to come to this site

[Euphoric]

Don,

There is nothing wrong with you, nor her. There MAY be an issue with technique, but 9 times out of 10 it is more psychological. I have a very good relationship with my GYN. I told him I was just difficult in the orgasm department. We both laughed mutually and he said, "Nah, men are visual creatures. Women are more psychological."

You mention she has some insecurities. Your compliments and compassion will go a long way in helping her to relax and go with the flow. You can do things to aid in her pleasure, but it's not your job to make it happen. I've been married for many years, and still to this day, if I feel like my husband is try to force the issue, it just isn't going to happen. Maybe some women can orgasm on demand, but that's not the majority. Quite frankly, for me, orgasms are more intense when I'm taken by surprise with something uncharacteristic and I get caught up in the moment. Incorporating toys is also helpful.

Something Awesome started a thread not too long ago, I think it was entitled "You guys were right…again." The thread is a classic example of what I'm talking about. Not necessarily the act, but the fact that his girlfriend wasn't expecting what he did, which resulted in a mind-blowing experience.

Putting pressure on yourself or her "to make her orgasm" may be counter productive. Maybe she needs more time to be completely comfortable letting go. Two months isn't a very long time, and expecting her to lose her inhibitions that quickly is asking a bit much. As long as she enjoys it, you should too. Yes, orgasms are nice, but many women find sex pleasurable even without orgasming. It's compelling that you are concerned, but don't over think it or blame yourself. I'm sure you are doing everything just fine. She may need to do some self-exploration to learn what trips her trigger

[effy2014]

This is something that I want to last and don't want something like this to get in the way

You said the magic words . . . You want this relationship to last. Put the relationship before the sex. The goal is not to make her orgasm. The goal is to make her happy in everyday life. If you focus on an orgasm and it doesn't happen, you will end a wonderful intimate time together as unhappy people. Don't let the goal of an orgasm get in the way. That would be sad.

As I write over and over again, sex is in the brain. Usually, for a woman to orgasm, she needs to be relaxed (stressing over anything will defeat the O) and feel the bond between you. Making her feel like she has to orgasm -- whether that stress is from her or you -- will not help.

As others have said, find ways to help her to cum. There has to be clitoral stimulation. Go down on her, use toys etc. these are not weird things. Just relax and concentrate on making her feel loved and the center of your world.

[kdc]

I mean, that could just be a me-problem, but she says no guy has ever found that within her. We also haven't really made a conscious effort to try different things yet. I just don't want to make it weird nor do I want to make her uncomfortable. I know she has certain insecurities, which I think is ridiculous as I think she's beautiful. I've never gone to a site like this before and only did because I would do anything to make her as happy as she makes me.

This is something that I want to last and don't want something like this to get in the way

I also wanted to say thank you to all of you. I really do appreciate the conversation and support. It wasn't easy for me to come to this site

Seems to me that the reason no guy has ever made it happen with her is that she hasn't allowed it. You say she doesn't like fingers or oral, and I think that's the key to the problem. I agree with Effy that she needs clitoral stimulation. Most of us need that in order to orgasm. I'd recommend doing some research on clit stimulation. If all else fails, have her lie on top of you so she can press/rub her clit against your penis. Once she gets a few orgasms under her belt, she'll probably be more willing to try other things.

I'd recommend Ian Kerner's book, _She Comes First_. There are some other book recommendations in some of the old threads here that will probably help, too, but the names of the titles escape me at the moment. Do some reading, and it will give you ideas on what to try so you can maybe find the key to your girlfriend's pleasure a little faster than winging it on your own. There are bunches of old threads on here that have ideas that will help you with some ideas too.

Tell your lady what you've said to us--that you want this relationship to last and you don't want something like this to get in the way. It will make an impression on her.

Good luck!

[kdc]

. . . Putting pressure on yourself or her "to make her orgasm" may be counter productive. Maybe she needs more time to be completely comfortable letting go. Two months isn't a very long time, and expecting her to lose her inhibitions that quickly is asking a bit much. As long as she enjoys it, you should too. Yes, orgasms are nice, but many women find sex pleasurable even without orgasming. It's compelling that you are concerned, but don't over think it or blame yourself. I'm sure you are doing everything just fine. She may need to do some self-exploration to learn what trips her trigger

Good point. I think there are a lot of women who have never orgasmed who haven't done so because they haven't done any self-exploration. We ladies need to know what turns us on, then we need to make sure we get it. There's a line in a "Big Bang Theory" episode where Leonard's mother says, "I've been responsible for my own orgasms since 1982." Every time I hear that, I think, heck, I've been responsible for my own orgasms forever! LOL!

However, I have to admit that I'm one of those women who expects to orgasm at least once every time I have sex--preferably multiple times. I've always heard there are women who enjoy sex without orgasming, but I'm definitely not one of them!

[Patti-here]

I mean, that could just be a me-problem, but she says no guy has ever found that within her. We also haven't really made a conscious effort to try different things yet. I just don't want to make it weird nor do I want to make her uncomfortable. I know she has certain insecurities, which I think is ridiculous as I think she's beautiful. I've never gone to a site like this before and only did because I would do anything to make her as happy as she makes me.

This is something that I want to last and don't want something like this to get in the way

I also wanted to say thank you to all of you. I really do appreciate the conversation and support. It wasn't easy for me to come to this site

You 'and' her could also read 'The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm by Anne Koedt'

It's very helpful.