[Ellen14]

I would like some opinions about my bf only wanting to have sex with me once every 3-4 weeks.
At first (like every relationship) me and my bf would have sex every single day. Sometimes 2-3 times a day. But now we barely even do it.
I tried to talk to him about it. Asked if I was doing something wrong or if he wanted to try something new. He would say that nothing is wrong with me that he thinks I'm still beautiful and just the perfect girl and great in bed.
He has stomach issues most of the time but they haven't been as bad anymore. Anyways when I talked to him about it he said he would like to do it more often with me but his stomach is always hurting that it just turns him off. I let it go and understood so I didn't bother him about it. But Then I found out that he masturbated everyday more than 2 times a day. Then it's when I really started to worry. So I confront him again and he said that he did it when I was sleeping because I was always sleeping (cuz i would have to go to work early the next day) when he was in the mood. I told him that when he was in the moon that he can always wake me up so we could do it. He said he didn't feel comfortable waking me up and running my sleep because he didn't want me to be tierd for work. I told him I didn't care and he said he will try.
He never did. Now that I don't have a job I still tell him he can always ask for it or wake me up if I'm asleep so I could please hom. But nothing has changed. He prefers to masturbated even tho he said he would prefer to do it with me but since he doesn't last that long he felt bad because he can't please me. I told him that even tho he doesn't last that long he still makes me happy. I like being able to please him. That it was better to get some then get none.
Still nothing has changed and I don't know what to do anymore

[effy2014]

Hi Ellen14. Welcome to the forum. This issue comes up frequently from both the men and woman. You should look at Valove's thread in this Sex Forum entitled "New BF does not want sex".

It would help to know how old he is, how long you have been in this relationship and whether there are any relationship issues as well. Usually, lack of sex is a symptom rather than a issue unto itself. If the relationship is going bad, sex is the first thing to "go". The same can be said for issues at work or with family. Stress is not an aphrodisiac.

Without knowing more, it appears to be his issue. I doubt that the masterbation is a replacement for sex. He is probably using it to self soothe, not to insult you. The "your are sleeping" is also a smoke screen. There are lots of daylight or early evening hours to be intimate. Physically he is not doing well and psychologically he doesn't think he is satisfying you. Each can and should be addressed. Be supportive and go with him to every doctor to make sure that the stomach pains are being dealt with.

I suggest a three pronged attach at the emotional issues. First, there are lots of ways to satisfy a woman other than intercourse. I am an advocate of cunilingus -- if he gives you a few orgasms, he should not have to worry how fast he might ejaculate. There are other ways as well, limited only by your respective imaginations. Second, there are ways to help him last longer. A doctor can prescribe the little blue pills, you can help him masterbate before you have sex or there are desensitizing creams and stuff.

Third, he may need to work on his emotional issues in therapy. He should be encouraged to confront his issues and resolve them.

[Ellen14]

I'm 20 and he is 25. We have not had any relationship issues so far. We like to be with each other 24/7 since we got together 7 months ago. I thought another thing that might be causing this is because we have been with each other 24/7 and no time alone away from each other since day one. We tried staying away from each other for a couple of days because I thought it would be healthy for us. But he always convinced me to stay with him at his house because he didn't like the thought of being away from each other. I practically have been living with him since we got together.

When a man masturbates it has never bothered me. Only that since I'm not getting any from him at all and when I ask for some he always turns me down but In the middle of the night he would wait till I am "asleep" and then he would please himself. I just feel...ugh I don't know how to describe it. I just cry about it and try to get my self to think it's not me but it's really hard. I think it is me.

I've told him that I can please him by just doing oral and nothing else. I don't like oral on me so it would just me pleasing him. Which I'm completely fine with. I like the thought of being able to please him. It's my way of getting pleased.im not sure how to explain it... And I told him that but it's just not working.

I do help him masturbated before we have intercourse. I try new things every time and he loves it. I've told him I can help him last longer since i thought it would make him feel better if he can last linger but he just won't try it. I didn't want to bring up the blue pills. I just had a feeling he would just get offended and really mad.

[effy2014]

I'm a bit surprised that you don't like oral on you, especially since most women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. What other things can the two of you do that can get you to orgasm other than intercourse? It may help him to know that he can please you in other ways.

Based on what you write, this is not a you problem at all. It's a him problem, either physically or emotionally. He needs to work on them. If, as he says, he needs to be with you 24/7, then he should work on this simply because it is important to you.

You are way too young to be dealing with sexual disfunction issues. Communicate directly that he has issues to resolve or risk losing you.

[Ellen14]

I've never tried oral on me. I just don't like the idea of it. My boyfriend was surprised that I didn't like the idea. He tried to convince me to try it but I have insecurity issues and I don't like anyone down their or anyone seeing my nude body.

[effy2014]

That could be something the two of you can work on together that might immediately have an impact on your sex life. It is a way that he can please you and feel more manful (especially now when he doesn't). It is also a way for both of you to cure a sexual insecurity.

Two things. To your boyfriend, your V-jay looks and tastes fantastic. Trust me on this. If you took a poll of the men on this forum, every one would say the same thing -- we do oral on a woman for us . . .
We love the taste, the scent and the pleasure it brings. If you have any cleanliness routine at all, you are clean and fresh. The V-jay is self cleaning.

Second, he loves your body because he loves you. This is the man who wants to be with you 24/7. Trust that he will not embarrass you. Make sure he relaxes you and goes slowly. You won't enjoy it if you are anxious.

Permit him the pleasure of cunilingus and my guess is that you will cure him. He won't have near the performance anxiety of giving you orgasms (he can do that orally) and he will allow you to pleasure him because he can return the favor.

If not oral, come up with some other way that he can give you clitoral stupimulation and feel that he is pleasuring you.

[effy2014]

I've never tried oral on me. I just don't like the idea of it. My boyfriend was surprised that I didn't like the idea. He tried to convince me to try it but I have insecurity issues and I don't like anyone down their or anyone seeing my nude body.

You said you had sex 2-3 times a day in the beginning. Were you clothed?

[Ellen14]

I've also thought that might help us sexually i just wasn't sure. I'll have to work on that more.

I've always like doing it with the lights off. But about the second week of us being together I started getting comfortable during the day time when he could see me, but I worked at a call center and have no time to exercise then I started gaining weight and on top of that I gained relationship weight so I got even bigger.

He says that he doesn't care about my body weight. He says that I'm not that fat and that I still always look beautiful. I still didn't like how I looked especially when my belly got this horrible red marks. I don't let him see me anymore. I let my **** hang All the time so he can see them but that's about it. I don't like my stomach so we keep on doing it with the lights off or with my rob on if we were doing it on the couch.

[Ellen14]

I've tried loosing weight but I when I start life happens and always finds a way to make me busy enough so I won't work out. I would like him to be able to see me but when I get my body weight back to what it was.

[TXguy]

He doesn't desire you in my opinion. In many situations where sex happens outside of marriage, the male subconsciously loses respect/desire for the woman and eventually he has zero desire for her.

And desire IS NOT something that can be negotiated. It's either there, or it isn't.

This is not a politically correct reply, but I believe it's the most accurate one.