[jilljames8184]

My husband and I finally made each other aware of our sexual pasts after over twenty years of marriage. He was a virgin when we started dating and I was very experienced. I had many previous partners from boyfriends to one night stands to just dare sex. I loved giving oral, swallowing, anal, double penetration, even threesomes and group sex. Basically I simply loved sex, almost a ****.
I had withheld this from my husband for so long because I didn't want him to think poorly of me. Since our marriage, sex had been very basic, usually missionary, no anal, and one blowjob. He is the smallest I have ever been with and I have done everything sexually that I ever wanted too; just not with him.
Since he was a virgin when we met, he has never experienced all the stuff that I grew tired of. But he still keeps buggy me to do anal and give him blow jobs. He doesn't understand when I tell him I don't do that anymore.
He won't go anywhere because he is so concerned about his small size. I have exercised and gotten down to where I can feel him. I still have to use a toy to reach an orgasm.
I think I basically "settled" and got married. He couldn't do anything for me that I had not already experienced with other men, but he could provide a stable marriage. I had gotten into a pattern of dating married men who would not leave their wives.
How can I get him to stop buggy me about my past? No matter how many times I tell him that was in my past and I do not want to repeat; he feels if I did it before, I should do it all with him since he is my husband.

[rcoreyus]

Why don't you want to do some of these things with him? You say you loved doing some of these things. I understand that maybe you got bored with some if it, but is boredom a reason not to do things he likes?

[effy2014]

I sense that there are a lot more issues going on in this marriage. It seems like you are punishing your husband for what you perceive as your past indiscretions. You may also be punishing him because you settled on a more stable boring man rather than the exciting married men who would not marry you. Either way, that sounds like a harsh way to deal with your husband.

I can understand not want to bring other people into the bedroom with threesomes, double penetration and the like. However, oral and anal sex are neither kinky nor boredom producing. Are there underlying issues why you do not wish to please your husband and be a giving lover? Doesn't he go down on you? Sex should be a way to express your love for each other. If the love is gone, being the sexaholic you used to be is the least of your problems.

[jen1447]

I'm curious about why none of the stuff you used to do excites you anymore. Most times, once a freak, always a freak.

It also seems kind of weird that you never told him about your extensive experience before marriage. I'm not one to condemn anyone's sexual past, but I do think if you're going into a lifelong commitment with someone, they deserve to know where you've been in general that way. STD concerns for example - he would be entitled to want to know you were clean and that he would be too.

It also seems a bit ....let's say unexpected that his response to learning his wife was a sexual dynamo in her earlier life would be to want to do all the stuff you did with all the others back then. Nothing wrong with that, but I'd suspect more people would react negatively, being such a startling revelation all at once.

What's the deal with his size btw? I don't understand "He won't go anywhere because [of it]...." You had to have known how small he was before you married, yet it sounds like you have some disdain for him now because of it. Did that develop over time?

[jilljames8184]

I sense that there are a lot more issues going on in this marriage. It seems like you are punishing your husband for what you perceive as your past indiscretions. You may also be punishing him because you settled on a more stable boring man rather than the exciting married men who would not marry you. Either way, that sounds like a harsh way to deal with your husband.

I can understand not want to bring other people into the bedroom with threesomes, double penetration and the like. However, oral and anal sex are neither kinky nor boredom producing. Are there underlying issues why you do not wish to please your husband and be a giving lover? Doesn't he go down on you? Sex should be a way to express your love for each other. If the love is gone, being the sexaholic you used to be is the least of your problems.

I guess I am afraid if I start doing some of the activities I did before marriage I would not be able to stop myself. I don't want to stir up old cravings.

[rcoreyus]

Not everyone would mind if their partner had an ...interesting.. past. It wouldn't bother me, but I would be bothered if the person I married had had an very varied sexual past but was not willing to be adventurous with me. There might well be some valid explanation that I would accept, but I want to understand.

[effy2014]

I guess I am afraid if I start doing some of the activities I did before marriage I would not be able to stop myself. I don't want to stir up old cravings.

That sounds more like an excuse than a fear. You were able to shut down all of those feelings when you got married. It sounds like you fear that your husband is incapable or unwilling to satisfy you and that if you re-awaken your cravings you will go outside your marriage to fulfill them.

Settling for your husband and deliberately shutting down your sexuality is unkind, to say the least. Give him a chance. He wants to try. You can teach him to be a great lover . . . it does not take size, just skill, enthusiasm and passion.

[effy2014]

I am confused by your other posts in this forum. Here you say that you don't do oral. In your post you write: "My husband and I incorporate a vibrator into our sex about every time between foreplay and penetration. After he has done me orally, I do him orally while I used the vibrator. I like to have him penetrate me right after I get off the first time from the vibrator." It seems that you have a robust sex life that you describe is emotionally fulfilling. What is the real story?