[JillJohnson]

Okay, so I've turned to a thread to talk about my sex life.....you know it's gotten serious lol.
First off, I'm 26, considered "pretty", thin, good body etc. My bf is 38. He was my former boss at a bar I worked at for a while which is how we met. My bf typically always dates pretty girls my age. He's athletic, good looking, great body ,responsible, good person etc... He's a great catch, and personally I can't see him with someone his age. Anyways, so when we first met, it was alllllll about the sex. Sex 4 times a night, in the car, at work, in the kitchen etc. That lasted about 6 months. I don't quite remember when or what made it change but I noticed I'd go over to his place and I'd be lucky if I got a kiss some nights. It started to bother me that we stopped having sex as often (we both had made it clear to each other in the beginning that sex was very important) which I guess I should have mentioned... I'm a sex every day type person. It doesn't matter how long I've been w the guy, it doesn't get boring or old to me.... I still want it 5 times in a night! Anyways, so when I confronted him about it, he was like...you can't expect 6 months later for the sex to still be allllll the time. At this point we were having sex only 2 or so times a week. And it's progressively gotten worse n worse n worse lol. And anytime I bring up our "issue" he has an excuse. He's used excuses like, you were drunk, you seemed tired, you looked mad, I thought you were on your period... Blah blah. I've completely stopped initiating sex. Here it is... We've been together a year and a half now....we're down to about 2 to 3 times a month. Sex has become so awkward at this point bc we both know I'm so unhappy sexually. I'm so horny, I feel unwanted, unattractive, and to be quite honest, I'm struggling w not wanting to respond to other guys when they pay me attention. I've even told him, w how little sexual attention I get...I'm started to struggle w not cheating. He was upset by it, but hasn't changed a ******** thing.
The weirdest part is, when we DO have sex... That whole 2 times a month, it's amazing... I can tell he loves it and is into it. Unfortunately it doesn't last very long anymore bc we don't have sex often enough for him to last long. So I get like 10 minutes of sex A MONTH. I'm dying here....
I've talked to my gfs about it... They either say... Maybe he's gay (no)..,Or maybe it's bc he's old, no...he gets hard just fine without much effort. I mean I just can't figure it out. I've asked him if He's not attracted to me, or if he wants to be with someone else, or what....!!??? And of course the answer is always no. We've been together a year and a half now... A year of that we've had "bad sex" and I thought we'd get the sex back somehow but I'm losing hope here. My self esteem is getting low and I'm going through way too many batteries here lol. I'd like to hear a guys thought on this, as I know you all are wired completely differently than girls and I know my gfs n I will never figure this out on our own lol.

Oh and just thought I should add....everything else about us is amazing...which is why I'm still here. Oh Also, he never ever ever compliments me....ever. And I'm used to guys being pretty heavy on the smooth talk. I've mentioned to him that it does make me feel like ******** when my bf doesn't ever pay me a compliment (or have sex w me) but again... It's always brushed off. I need some advice here!!! I feel like I've tried everything!!!

[DreamP346]

This topic has been discussed numerous times. You are not the first and will not be the last with this issue. Try searching the history as people may not response since we get this issue so often.

From somebody in a sexless relationship, it doesn't get better. He will never change. Either accept that you will be in this type of relationship forever or leave.

[jen1447]

You're not married girlfriend ....probably time to get out there and get some strange. No idea what his issue is but he's not addressing yours which it sounds like you've made abundantly clear, and with plenty of time to do so at that. Have some new sex and it will show you you're not unattractive and you've still got it. Totally serious here.

If it was me I'd tell him first, but frankly it sounds like he almost doesn't deserve that consideration. I'd be more sympathetic to him if it had been a couple months or something but a year? Sorry but a girl's gotta ****.

[effy2014]

Sex has dwindled to 2-3 times a month, he never ever complements you and he seems to be ignoring an issue that was and is very important to you and I would add non-communicative since there is clearly an issue . . . everything is not amazing. Good relationships are not like new cars . . . the scent should not wear off.

In your post, you write that you know about other girls he has dated. Is your relationship with him the longest that he has been with one woman (in other words, in a monogamous relationship) in a while?

As in any relationship, it's communicate or die. Four times a day to 2 times a month is far from a "normal" decrease over the course of 1.5 years. If he refuses to communicate the reasons or even work on the issue, you have little choice.

[Motorguy]

I am thinking the same thing Jill like everyone else first dating your boss is never a good idea it will back fire in your face.I seen this happen many times the best thing is to break this relationship off and find a new man who will last longer then 10 minutes a month, **** you must be climbing the wall. So getting out of this relationship before you put anymore time into it and it will get harder to leave then. From what I see you been doing all the trying and you not getting nothing from him at all plus at 38 he's having these issue already now wow. How he going to be in 5 more years probably sex once every 6 months then.Move on fast and tell him and let him down nicely you need sex more then what you getting before you go crazy or broke from buying to many batteries lol.

[JillJohnson]

I am thinking the same thing Jill like everyone else first dating your boss is never a good idea it will back fire in your face.I seen this happen many times the best thing is to break this relationship off and find a new man who will last longer then 10 minutes a month, ******** you must be climbing the wall. So getting out of this relationship before you put anymore time into it and it will get harder to leave then. From what I see you been doing all the trying and you not getting nothing from him at all plus at 38 he's having these issue already now wow. How he going to be in 5 more years probably sex once every 6 months then.Move on fast and tell him and let him down nicely you need sex more then what you getting before you go crazy or broke from buying to many batteries lol.

I figured the easy solution to everyone would be to just dump the guy lol. And you know, maybe I should? And I'm sure it appears that it's a no brainer to do so. I've dated every type of douche bag that's out there. And typically, they're great in bed and great w their words/compliments lol but an absolute jerk outside of that. The current bf is the absolute opposite. A year and a half later and we still never fight or get in huge arguments, he's such a sweet respectable person. But the sex and making out... The passion... Is just not there. But it's hard to let him go bc I know what else is out there lol yes, great sex is out there....but typically that's about it.
And one of you asked if he's been in any long term relationships, yes but it's been maybe 10 years ago or so. I think he was w a girl for 3 years. My bf is very picky about who he'll commit to. Not just looks wise, but you gotta have all your ***** together too. Since he was my boss, i knew his background before I dated him, just by other ppl that worked there n what they told me. He doesn't commit to just anybody n has really high standards for who he'd claim as his gf. Which is why I'm so **** confused. If he wasn't interested in being w me, I know he wouldn't have a problem just dumping me n moving on to something else. Im pretty positive he isn't sleeping w anyone else either. I have a key to his place, he doesn't have a lock on his phone, nothing suspicious ever comes up, he wants me around 24/7, we really have no issues.... Just very little sex. So do I dump him for a jerk that loves to f**ck or stay w the nice guy n have a sexless life lol fml...

[MrB]

Crazy that this goes on to me. I get different sex drives and understand respecting those drives. BUT, this seems disrespectful to me. Now if you love this man you sit him down and explain how much this bothers you. This will fester and grow and worsen. You either come to an understanding or you move on. Either way you search for your happiness. This will either include him or it will not.

If you are considering a real future with this man, figure it out now. If he is unwilling to make the change you may need to move on.

Bottom line is that we all have needs that should be filled (at least an attempt ). If not filled by our SO, they will be filled by someone else. These needs can be emotional, mental or sexual.


Good luck to ya.

[jen1447]

B's right, he may seem like Mr. Wonderful but he's maybe not so much, since it is indeed a measure of respect for you he's lacking. (Unless he's having erectile dysfunction or something but if so he should tell you.) Can't live well without mutual respect hon. Also don't look at the guy field as so black and white. There's not just a-hole great lovers and good guy bad lovers, there's everything in between and on either side. It's not such a crazy daunting task to find a good one.

[effy2014]

I don't think "dump him" is a first choice. The first choice is to work out a compromise so both of you are happy. He does not see that there is a problem even though you have identified the lack of intimacy as one for you. That moves the intimacy issue to a lack of respect. I would still try to reach him through communication. Go see a couples therapist.

This is not an either or situation. There are men out there that are both sexual and nice. You just have to find one. He may be a "catch" for someone less sexual but you are clearly unhappy. No need to settle.

[jns]

Maybe your bf is the type who likes something new every so often, but is not the type to disengage easily. Maybe he is waiting for you to call it quits. Maybe he cannot disengage his good guy side long enough to call it quits.

If he still does have a strong sex drive like he did in the first six months, you have to ask where it went. Most guys (and ladies) cannot just turn it on and off.