[Motorguy]

I figured the easy solution to everyone would be to just dump the guy lol. And you know, maybe I should? And I'm sure it appears that it's a no brainer to do so. I've dated every type of douche bag that's out there. And typically, they're great in bed and great w their words/compliments lol but an absolute jerk outside of that. The current bf is the absolute opposite. A year and a half later and we still never fight or get in huge arguments, he's such a sweet respectable person. But the sex and making out... The passion... Is just not there. But it's hard to let him go bc I know what else is out there lol yes, great sex is out there....but typically that's about it.
And one of you asked if he's been in any long term relationships, yes but it's been maybe 10 years ago or so. I think he was w a girl for 3 years. My bf is very picky about who he'll commit to. Not just looks wise, but you gotta have all your ********** together too. Since he was my boss, i knew his background before I dated him, just by other ppl that worked there n what they told me. He doesn't commit to just anybody n has really high standards for who he'd claim as his gf. Which is why I'm so ******** confused. If he wasn't interested in being w me, I know he wouldn't have a problem just dumping me n moving on to something else. Im pretty positive he isn't sleeping w anyone else either. I have a key to his place, he doesn't have a lock on his phone, nothing suspicious ever comes up, he wants me around 24/7, we really have no issues.... Just very little sex. So do I dump him for a jerk that loves to ********ck or stay w the nice guy n have a sexless life lol fml...

I understand what you are saying all of us are trying to give you advice, what we would do in your shoes. But like you say this has to be something you need to decide and agree on for yourself. Do you stay with guys who are jerks and use you for sex all the time or a guy who will treat you well and get very little sex. So what ever decision you make do it for you and no one else.

[amanda_114]

Okay, your entire sexual relationship with this man, is nearly IDENTICAL to mine with my husband. However my husband is 48, I'm 25, and he has been substituting sex with me, with porn. I wanted sex all the time, it never ever got boring, and we do it around 3-2 times a month, like you. But when we do, its incredible. He can get me off multiple times, in the only 2-5 minutes he can last. Other than our sexual relationship/porn/and lack of romance/intimacy, we have been completely compatible. It's like he's turning into a really good roommate in-between sex. This may be hard to hear, but honey, Ive been going through this with my man for 4 years!!! And it's only gotten worse. I wish I could find the solution, but all I've been able to do is find the problem. Porn. Im "attractive", thin, fit, young, and it gets me no wheres. One thing I've learned through all this, is that men get bored, and women get more and more attached. Men and women are wired so differently! Have you tried introducing things you haven't tried together? That might peak his interest

[amanda_114]

Oh, and if you happen to find a solution before me, message me!!! haha In the meantime, keep your chin up, and know that you are a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman! And don't you ever let a man make you doubt yourself. No matter how great a catch they are, they are never ever worth self-doubt and insecurity!!!

[effy2014]

I wish I could find the solution, but all I've been able to do is find the problem. Porn. Im "attractive", thin, fit, young, and it gets me no wheres. One thing I've learned through all this, is that men get bored, and women get more and more attached. Men and women are wired so differently! Have you tried introducing things you haven't tried together? That might peak his interest

That is an inaccurate and insulting generalization with both comments. First, "men" are not wired to get bored. There are plenty of men that have long term wonderful relationships with lots of intimacy.

Second, you have not found the problem. Porn is a symptom of a problem with him or with the relationship. The only fix is to truly communicate and resolve the issue, either together or moderated in couples therapy.

[Motorguy]

Very well said Effy, i can not believe some of these guys I must be f-ing superman here Jesus. My wife would kick my butt up and down the block if she had to live with 2 to 3 times a month for sex.I mean we watch porn together and enjoy are self so much with no complaints here at all from me. If a guy doesn't want to be bedding a women almost half his age all the time. Something is serous wrong here with this picture.I am pushing more to a medical problem with ED or prostate issue then.

[amanda_114]

I am simply speaking from experience. I have had so many conversations with my husband about our issue. Communication never helped, and I cannot afford counselling right now. Last night we talked about it for 3 hours! Know what he compared our sex life to??? He said "frequent sex with the same partner is like having pizza every night. After a while, I no longer crave pizza"! Thats right. Maybe I simply married an *** hole, and all (or most) other men are much more passionate about their partners. I thought this forum was to share feelings and experiences. Instead I have been insulted for voicing my point of view... which may not be "correct", but I joined this website to learn from others, and help wherever I can. I was unaware there are right and wrong answers!!!!!!!

[jns]

Amanda, I think you have found the problem in your case: it is your bf. Is that the best he can do for comparisons?

[effy2014]

You are not being insulted for your point of view and we have lots of compassion for your problem. It's the generalization to all men being hardwired to get bored with their spouses or partners and seek porn as a cure. Your experience is not with all men, but with your husband.

His response to you was appalling and inconsiderate. As jns said, your problem is clearly your husband. You may have indeed married a jerk. But, as expenses go, counseling is far less expensive than a divorce . . . I am very surprised that the Canadian health service does not cover psychological care. Baboy knows more about that area.

I do not believe that this has anything to do with your fitness level or beauty. It may be related in some fashion to the 23 year age difference between you, but there are several men near or in their 50s (me included) on this board that are very sexually active and passionate. If your husband shows this much disrespect towards you, divorce may be the only option. You certainly deserve to be treated way better.

[Baboy]

I'll join in here because I posted on the thread Amanda started, where I advised her to search the forum to pick up on some of the depressing number of threads raising this issue. Also because of effy's post about Canadian health care, which I'll address in a moment.

Amanda, I'll join the others in saying no one here is insulting you. I think your frustration is underlying that view. Members here really try to help, as much as possible, which is sometimes rather limited in the context of a long and complex relationship that gets described in a few posts.

For my part, I will resist most vehemently the suggestion that men are wired, programmed, destined, fated, or whatever to become bored with a long-term partner. Before my marriage, I was with my last partner for 8 years. She was 21 years younger. She was very attractive to me sexually and remained that way throughout those 8 years. Sometimes we would be apart for as much as a month. In those times I looked at porn and masturbated on occasion. When we were together, porn was forgotten. I was thrilled to have her available and our sex life never flagged. She complained to me about a previous bf who watched porn and masturbated, saying if that goes on, then "What am I here for?" I never gave her that problem! The relationship ended, without rancour, for reasons altogether unrelated to sex, which was always regular and exciting.

The age difference between my wife and I is in the range of the 23 years you mention. Again, I am with someone I find endlessly exciting. That has not diminished one iota in more than 10 years married and some cohabitation time before that. Increased maybe, but certainly not decreased. While I have watched a bit of porn here and there in that 10+ years, I do not watch and masturbate. I have said elsewhere on this board that I know my wife would feel hurt if I did, because she is always available and never turns me down for sex. Well, almost never. If she is sick, of course. But if she has a cold or the flu for a few days, I do not see the need to go jack off to porn. I would much rather wait to have sex with her. The waiting and anticipation makes it even sweeter.

As I recall, I said in reply to your thread that I could not offer much advice, since the situation you described is so foreign to me. It is. I really do not understand it. Wholly outside my experience. Even without a partner available, I cannot imagine watching porn by the hour. I could perhaps handle 20 minutes a day, but even that, day after day, I'm not sure. As far as masturbating goes, again, I do not know why one would bother if one has a partner available.

I have never really enjoyed solitary sex. Yes, it provides an immediate sense of relief of sexual tension, but it always strikes me as a kind of melancholy experience. Immediately afterwards, I feel a sense of letdown. Perhaps what drug addicts experience when the high wears off. I feel slightly disgusted and disappointed with myself for yielding to it. I feel like a bit of a loser, like I can't find a real woman, so I have to resort to something a 12-year-old might do. Not really a good feeling. Having sex with my wife is so superior. You hear the term "afterglow". It is something I experience after sex with my wife. Tell me, does anyone feel "afterglow" following a masturbation session? Self-loathing perhaps, but definitely not afterglow.

Finally, effy is right about counseling being more cost-effective than divorce. I refrained from saying before, but I despair of the situation you describe. It sounds hopeless. But that's viewed through the lens of who I am and my own experience. I said, honestly, that I have not followed many of these threads so closely as to learn whether some of those in your type of situation have found a way to restore some joy to the relationship. When people like yourself come here to seek advice, I usually resist the temptation to immediately offer the advice to end the relationship, particularly where it's one of some duration, kids are involved, etc. Most relationships are worth working on and certainly many can be salvaged. Yours sounds sorely challenging. For the sake of all afflicted like you, I hope there are avenues that can lead to success.

Effy alluded to my knowledge of the Canadian healthcare system. I have lived and worked on both sides of the Canada/US border and yes, I have some knowledge on that score. In Canada, the healthcare systems are provincially run and not all are uniform in provision of benefits. I have a passing familiarity with a couple of them. Generally, psychological/psychiatric conditions may be treated by an appropriate specialist, sometimes requiring referral from a general practitioner. Marriage counseling per se, is not covered as a rule. Many large employers make it available through extended health benefits.

[Motorguy]

I am simply speaking from experience. I have had so many conversations with my husband about our issue. Communication never helped, and I cannot afford counselling right now. Last night we talked about it for 3 hours! Know what he compared our sex life to??? He said "frequent sex with the same partner is like having pizza every night. After a while, I no longer crave pizza"! Thats right. Maybe I simply married an ****** hole, and all (or most) other men are much more passionate about their partners. I thought this forum was to share feelings and experiences. Instead I have been insulted for voicing my point of view... which may not be "correct", but I joined this website to learn from others, and help wherever I can. I was unaware there are right and wrong answers!!!!!!!

Well Amanda, I am sorry but your man right there proves a big point to me with that saying. Your right you did married a hole big time period to make that statement it's all about him. i been married 27 years and every time i have sex with my wife we have fun and it's pleasurable we just don't hop on each other get the rocks off and fall asleep like some men do.We have fun with it probably why we had 4 daughters that could be the problem. Well it was fun making those babies as the wife would say along with me. So your husband making that statement of having pizza every night makes is point moot in my book. I am not sure what you can do either live with a slow and maybe a sexless marriage being you can afford seeking a sex therapist to help with this marriage. My other question you being only 25 Amanda, was you planning on having kids being your husband almost 50 or that not in the cards then. I only see you jump in a marriage with a guy who gave you some attention treated good as you like that.Now you stuck in this type of marriage you really need to do some serous soul searching and look at your self and think are you really "happy" and will you be in 5 years. Only these question you can asked yourself not anyone else can answer them so good luck in your decision you make.