[Nikki29]

My Fiance and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, he is 12 years older than me. I am 29 and he is 41, which is not a big deal to either one of us. When we first got together we had sex everyday, a lot of times twice a day and we were both into it and wanting more. He is very much a pleasure giver, loves to go down on me, and we have the most amazing sex either of us has ever had. Well, lately things have been so different that I'm afraid he is either cheating, I don't turn him on anymore, or he doesn't love me anymore. He has stopped wanting to have sex, he hardly goes down on me anymore (which is weird cuz that is his favorite thing to do), he doesn't pay attention to me when I am in my tank top and panties like he used to, and he hardly kisses me anymore. If you knew us, you would know that we were always kissing, touching, bragging on one another, and wanting to have sex all the time. I have tried talking to him about it and he says it's not me, that he is just stressed about money, and that he is getting older and needs some pills probably. He has yet to try to do anything about it and he knows how I feel. I really just want my man back, I love him so much it's crazy and I know he loves me, but I can't help but feel that I am part of the reason he won't have sex with me anymore. I had never felt more confident and beautiful in my life when our sex life was great, now I just try to find things that are wrong with me that he would be bothered by, it's driving me absolutely crazy and I'm tired of feeling ugly and not good enough! Please.....anyone with suggestions or answers will help so very much! Thanks guys.

[Motorguy]

My Fiance and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, he is 12 years older than me. I am 29 and he is 41, which is not a big deal to either one of us. When we first got together we had sex everyday, a lot of times twice a day and we were both into it and wanting more. He is very much a pleasure giver, loves to go down on me, and we have the most amazing sex either of us has ever had. Well, lately things have been so different that I'm afraid he is either cheating, I don't turn him on anymore, or he doesn't love me anymore. He has stopped wanting to have sex, he hardly goes down on me anymore (which is weird cuz that is his favorite thing to do), he doesn't pay attention to me when I am in my tank top and panties like he used to, and he hardly kisses me anymore. If you knew us, you would know that we were always kissing, touching, bragging on one another, and wanting to have sex all the time. I have tried talking to him about it and he says it's not me, that he is just stressed about money, and that he is getting older and needs some pills probably. He has yet to try to do anything about it and he knows how I feel. I really just want my man back, I love him so much it's crazy and I know he loves me, but I can't help but feel that I am part of the reason he won't have sex with me anymore. I had never felt more confident and beautiful in my life when our sex life was great, now I just try to find things that are wrong with me that he would be bothered by, it's driving me absolutely crazy and I'm tired of feeling ugly and not good enough! Please.....anyone with suggestions or answers will help so very much! Thanks guys.

I don't think it's you Nikki, so don't think it's you at all period. You fiance is 12 years older and men who get over 40 can start having erection problems due to some issue with slight enlarge prostrate problem. There has to be a issue going from so much sex to almost nothing.But many guys will not want to discuss these issue with there wife or girl friend and even fiance as well. It's called a ego they don't want to admit this problem with no one. Having stress over stuff like money can kill a man libido big time. So maybe getting him to go see his doctor if he's having erection problem if he really loves you he will do this for you and him self. Maybe getting that blue pill may help with all this in the bedroom, just kind of a jump start back with the libido good luck Nikki I sure hope it all work out for you and fiance god bless you.

[Natalie1962]

It's not going to get any better. Be glad you found out before you got married.

[jen1447]

I'm not sure I agree it's impossible to get better but I guess the engagement period is serving a purpose here. If you need x amount of sex and he's not providing it now, maybe he's not the model you really want and you should get your deposit back and shop around again.

I know it's a confidence killer and all that but most times it actually has little or nothing to do with your objective attractiveness. At least if what we read on here is true, and we get lots of threads like this from men and women on both sides. I've never seen a guy post here saying "I think my wife/fiancee/GF is totally unattractive and I can't stand the thought of sleeping with her anymore, so we don't have sex now, however I do want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's The One."

[jns]

I've never seen a guy post here saying "I think my wife/fiancee/GF is totally unattractive and I can't stand the thought of sleeping with her anymore, so we don't have sex now, however I do want to spend the rest of my life with her because she's The One."

It's interesting that with the roles reversed I have seen such a posting here in WH.

Nikki, it's a him thing, not a you thing. Does he have problems with erections?

[Motorguy]

Well JNS, I think he is having erection problems it the only thing it could be from going from a lot sex to none at all.

[effy2014]

In my view, sex starts in the brain. Stress can certainly affect a person's libido, as can any number of things. The measure of your relationship is how the two of you deal with this issue. If he does not seek assistance with the problem, either medical, psychological or just plain communication with you, then it becomes ignoring an issue which is very important to you. A bad bell weather of the future.

If he can be honest about the reasons and seek help, then he is engaged in the relationship and the future is far more rosy. Communicate with him in those terms. It's not about the sex, it's about respecting your needs. You have to see him making an effort to deal with the issue.

I would suggest something more then ED -- even if he couldn't get erect, your fiancé would still love cunilingus. Popping a pill will not increase his sexual drive, just his ability to get and maintain an erection. I also think, as do the rest, that it has nothing to do with you. He fell in love with you just the way you are. Dig deeper and give him the chance to confront his issues.

[Motorguy]

Very well said Effy it's just seem weird one day you having great sex the next day it's go's off the deep end nothing. So more liking it's medical or mentally as well too. I don't think he fell out of love for her over night.