[Cruciex]

My boyfriend of 3 years and I have a happy healthy relationship. However lately I noticed he has been quietly rejecting sex (never outright). I throw hints and touch him and whatever to get the idea across and he kinda plays it off as disinterested. So I asked him about it and he told me he lately hasn't been interested in the act of sex. He says he doesn't enjoy masturbating either, and I know he regularly would masturbate in the past (mostly for the same reasons I do; horny and we aren't together, or bored and alone). He says it isn't me at all. He also says that he feels awful about it because he knows it's something I really enjoy, and that he has trouble feeling aroused a lot of the time.

We haven't had sex in just about a month now. I asked him last week and we said we would talk about it more later (before wasn't appropriate to discuss it lengthily) but haven't gotten around to discussing it yet. He used to have a much stronger interest in sex in the past couple of years. I've noticed his sex drive declining for almost half a year, gradually getting worse.

What the heck is going on? I mean yes I plan on asking him about it and talking it out, working out what our needs are and how other aspects of life may be affecting this.

He doesn't appear particularly stressed out, but he might just be good at hiding it.

What do you guys think is going on?

[effy2014]

As you might suspect, we get a lot of these threads. You can use the search bar on the right hand side at the top of the page and find many of them.

There are probably as many reasons for a decreased sex drive as there are people. Physiological reasons could be a side effect to medication (for example, a side effect to depression meds is a decreased libido), the onset of ED (you did not mention your BF's age) and any number of ailments (back pain in particular). Of course, sex starts in the brain. Most likely his decreased sex drive is psychological. Stress from work or family, feelings of inadequacy or depression, etc.

The only ones who knows (or can find out) is him. My advice to you is to communicate not just the importance of sex, but that you want to help him through this as a loving partner. Intimacy is a very important part of relationships and you know that it is important to him. Make it as safe a possible for him to talk.

I would Schedule a physicians appointment and go with him to make sure the equipment works. If he can't talk to you (which would be a shame), insist that he go see a therapist to try to figure it out. Be firm and loving.

[jen1447]

Be glad he's being honest about this, as it's not uncommon for there to be ulterior motives that often don't make a lot of sense (preference for masturbation, etc.). What strikes me most after a quick read is that his lack of interest doesn't actually have to affect your rate of sex if he's willing to put in the effort anyway. Even if he was having erectile issues, he can still do endless oral on you - assuming that desire to give and please you is still there. Stopping everything isn't the proper response to a lessened libido.