[lucalfa]

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Hi! I'm 19 and I lost my virginity last year to my boyfriend at the time. It was pretty painful but after that it wasn't as bad but it never felt very good. We had sex a total of 3 times. I started dating a new guy who was a decent amount bigger than the first guy I had sex with. We tried to have sex but it hurt when he put it in so I made him stop it felt really tight and uncomfortable. I hadn't had sex for about 9 months so is it normal for me to have some pain again? Do you have any tips to make this less painful? I have lube now and I hope that will help.

[jen1447]

Have you been into these two guys sexually? If you're not aroused, it's not going to be much fun. Arousal and desire changes everything - you'll find yourself magically able to accommodate much better because you'll naturally lube and dilate.

Lube is a great accessory but imo it should mainly be a tool for established couples, such as if you want to take care of your BF when you're not really up for it. It shouldn't be an introductory measure unless you naturally don't produce much lube. It can also be used to help with mutually desired sex because some women do tend to 'dry up' at times despite the inspired action.

[lucalfa]

I have been into them sexually but I have also been nervous. I have been with my current boyfriend for 9 months so I am very comfortable with him but I still get nervous before sex because I am worried that it is going to hurt again. He is very respectful and never pressures me but I still get nervous because of the pain. I hope that after I get over the initial pain when he first puts it in it will feel better.

[jen1447]

Nerves would make it tough, yeah. Do you do much in the way of foreplay? This stuff tends to work itself out when the proper effort is made to get a woman into it the right way ....and that's an effort that could/should last a couple hours or more.

[midnightwishes]

Since you get nervous, you will most likely tense up, and that makes entry very painful. Make sure you're aroused and relaxed. You'll lube up naturally, and it will be easier. However, if you're like me, then that's a different story. I'm tight down there, so it usually hurts when my boyfriend puts it in. Once it's in and a few slow thrusts later, I'm fine. You could just be naturally tight.

[lucalfa]

Thanks for your answers! we do some foreplay but next time we try I will make sure it is for a longer period of time. I think I am naturally tight as well but hopefully I can get used to the initial pain and have more enjoyable sex.

[DreamP346]

Sometime having sex after a break can feel like the first time. Just follow the same rules as the first time. Practice stretching yourself. Lots of foreplay. Relax. Take it slow.

[midnightwishes]

If you are, you can get used to it. You'll learn to relax and focus on the pleasure. Try having him give you an orgasm before you actually have sex. That usually helps.

[shoshannah]

All of the above suggestions are great. The main thing I would add is that guys are usually ready for penetration before we are, and since that's a recipe for pain, we need to be the ones who call the shots and decide when our guys get to enter us. Talk about this with him before you're in bed and make sure you and he are on the same page. You need to be very hot and wet before you let him enter you--it sounds cliche, but you'll know when. My DH and I always wait until I'm almost literally aching to have him inside me--if we try before that point, it can definitely be uncomfortable. If you do it right, the first moments when he enters you will actually feel incredibly good--I usually moan with pleasure when he first enters me (again, if we've done it right--if it's too early it's more of a gasp of pain).

To get yourself to that point: Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Have him finger you as a means of getting comfortable with having something in your vagina. Start with one finger, then as you relax have him try two or even three. An orgasm during foreplay will make sure you're wet, excited, and relaxed. If you can't get wet enough naturally, have lube present and use it on yourself/him before he enters.

While we're on the subject, make sure he knows how to touch your clit. If he doesn't, that is a sure recipe for pain.

[cathy23]

my boyfriend and I only have sex on the weekends and it still hurts a bit when he puts it in, but I imagine it smarts a bit with a lot of women when there's time between relationships. I usually have KY around if needed.