[insearchofadvise22]

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Have questions about pegging?

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Read our full article, “A Beginner’s Guide To Pegging” here:

https://www.womens-health.com/pegging

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First, im looking for advise on the subject of "pegging." Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4yrs and have a Baby. We were(of coarse factoring in more time to the baby) always very intimate(multiple times a day) till the "waiting period" after the delivery of our baby. During that time i began to fantasize about something i thought to be a good feeling that hasn't (washing in the shower as an oblivious teen yrs ago) crossed my mind the entire relationship. So, with wanting to open up more to my GF i made an ill informed, unprepared proposal to confess an idea that wasnt fully developed.(i clearly shouldve done homework i didnt research about cleaning or mentally impacting the women or the stigmas that follow.) She was quick to inquire if i was bi, (almost like she lost all interest in me in one minute) after going thru with a "try" of a finger. I was shocked she got that assumption, but i expected some sort of judgement with a taboo request. After trying, now our sex life has plummeted, due to work the baby daily life and what i assume is a resentment toward me weve slept together barely twice if that a week. (She assumes im "gay" and its wrong beyond all measure but gives me hope by saying maybe in the future to get me to stop talking about it.) Now with great grief this hurts me dearly, im 100% straight, secure in myself, was brave enough to tell such a desire in the first place. But, heres where i think i went wrong in my endever; i believe it could've been the worst possible time i told her. She gave birth weeks ago, thinking i, her man, wasnt attracted to a post pregnancy woman instead maybe she freaked out with it because of 2 reasons i think, ive hid this from every soul on the planet esp. My girlfriend(as if i was lieing when i had no want before hand) and at that time i believe she felt washed up in a sense.(feeling less pretty, stretch marks, her BF wanting different things all a sudden) As her body has changed and me expressing a curiousness for somthing different what wasnt her so, naturally i believe i "put the nail in the coffin". I don't know how to talk her at all about this, its an elephant in the room for sure, she claims there's nothing for her in it and i disagree(i joined this site to enlighten her maybe, and theres a good backing of female members to seek advise.) Shes also not one to do any reading either.(completley grossed out, the first try was "messy" with material; to say the least) I tried to show her valid articles that could answer a few stereotypes with the act but its met with an anger maybe frustration and a shut down of any curiousness. The greatest mistake i made i think is bringing it up almost repeatedly when i thought it was an ok time to attempt to ease her thoughts(esp. Bad timing with a new born and her in such a state of distress with her body and finances suffering with her out of work) but its only back fired. Ive experimented when i was a teen(hell who doesn't) and after a brief non important pop of her finger that she instigated (when it didnt mean anything to me, i really was against it) that was a year or greater prior to me reading, understanding, knowing my desires.(i know now how to clean properly, the dangers, the benifits, knowing what it is exactly im into instead of confusion i was in before, and ive got to add, nothing id like to try more.) I need to know is there anyway to get her interested without looking greedy of my own wants, or should i abandon ship and scuttle the idea/fantasy?(ive read online alot the older mature couples are more to take part ,im 22 shes 20.) We have a home a child a life together. Id love nothing more to send my life with her, but teasing, insults, threats of telling everyone, and constant gay remarks toward me(with defense that she's joking im being overly sensitive and wishing to be a girl, no idea how she thinks i want to be a girl i guess by the act of penetration) I really want to carry this out with her(i like the power switch, shes absolutely degrading, sarcastic, ******************** attitude, and heartless,(i love it!) during a fight, nothing is hotter if it were in bed not in our daily lives.) but at same time its regretful at every avenue, every thought, with my feelings and emotions just being attributes of being soft and weak, nothing like her strong man i once was. I feel like if this cant be addressed in our relationship she'll distance herself further and we will split, witch is nothing short of absolutely without a doubt devastating because i could've avoided all this by remaining silent and never admit to any fetish, resulting in no loss of view of me, or respect for me being her man(that i tarnished by admitting wanting to be tied insulted abused mounted, anything a bdsm femdom submissive porn includes. I crave domination from my GF that is kinda dark by my standards.) If Anybody has helpful advise im curious. If i cant have the sub dom sex i want, i prefer to salvage my relationship with the best thing that ever happend to me. I love her alot and the guilt kills me that opening my mouth caused a meltdown in our relationship.

[Euphoric]

Welcome the WHF.

I linked another member to SA's thread, and I'll link it here, as well.

It's very informative and a really good read. You may want to share with your GF, too.

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/66685-never-say-never-07-09-a.html

[effy2014]

I have to agree that your timing sucked and probably not the best way to approach it. You haven't mentioned what kind of attitude she may have about sex and whether she is into sexual experimentation- which may help us to learn more about a more proper approach.

The most important thing for her to understand is that there is nothing gay about it. Nothing at all. I agree with Euphoric -- have her read the linked thread.

[atskitty2]

Yeah, you probably brought it up at a less than ideal time. But, it's out there now, you can't take it back or pretend it's not your desire. You're both very young and this type of thing is probably very new, and seems a bit shady to her, and even dark by your own standards, as you say.
So, the only thing you can do is continue to talk it out. With some maturity, recognize that it isn't taboo, it isn't even all that uncommon. Have you talked to her about how belittling the comments are & how hurt you are by those? Continue to share your thoughts & feelings my dear. Shutting down now, and leaving the comments unaddressed, by both of you, is only going to compound the issue.

You did nothing wrong by sharing your needs. We've all said things at the worst possible time, but get past that. It was a stressful time for you both. Use this as a tool to learn communication & being sensitive to each other's needs.

[insearchofadvise22]

I have to agree that your timing sucked and probably not the best way to approach it. You haven't mentioned what kind of attitude she may have about sex and whether she is into sexual experimentation- which may help us to learn more about a more proper approach.

The most important thing for her to understand is that there is nothing gay about it. Nothing at all. I agree with Euphoric -- have her read the linked thread.

Well firstly, thank you for your input. Secondly, her attitude about sex is exactly how she likes. I seriously doubt she'll want to read anything about pegging because we as humans are still programmed by society that its morally wrong and reserved for gays. She often tells me to go be with a man. But i prefer a women and plastic, definatly not flesh. If i preform oral, it must be her on her back. Sex is whats convenient for her(her ontop is a "treat", doggy is rare, 69 oral is kind of extreme) I myself being open as a revolving door, hate this cuz of my interests. I ask, against her wishes mostly instead of on her back, maybe ontop sitting on my face. Witch is out of her comfort zone.(understandable but new things are fun things) When we tried anal she struck me as very accepting. She encouraged me to relax, enjoy, release my pleasures to be fulfilled. Thats the confusing part. Afterwards i asked if she was okay, she replies its new, needs time. Myself in shock a female accepted such a thing from a male was fascinated with the act.(it was the best orgasm of my life and with her acceptance i wanted it more, hell could you blame me after not making heads or tails why i like it at a teen age i questioned my identity alot?) so, with her initial acceptance, i thought it was ok to talk about it cuz ive never told anybody-ever. Then the snow storm insued. She started feeling an obsession about it in me.(it wasnt i assure you, just amazing it could be open and not bottled inside) and i have a dirty mouth and not shy to voice my desires. (she may have got the idea ive lied about myself in our relationship but all this is new to me im jus indulgent and like sex for sport, apposed to just missionary or her styles) Thats where i was wrong though, by not letting her consume it at her pace. I described my fantasies that were probably too much at once for a women who just learned of an interest.(shes more old fashioned but claims to be open-minded. Thats where i get confused... After she made the notion of accepting me and the act, i daydreamed of what i see in my fav. Porn(witch is obviously not as common as you can see, i am a hetersexual but i find the idea and pleasure of pegging along with verbal abuse with C.B.T. my forte.( if i look at porn its never vanilla anymore) witch scares me since expirencing a prostate orgasm anything else is not as intense. I do like these fetishes but i feel ill never be the same again. Shes distant now claiming she wants work on relationship before new things in bed.( i feel like after trying it, ive been corrupted now, i love her alot and if she were to separate i find myself waiting for a women that enjoy what is now my sex life with no exception till i find a partner who enjoys immaculating men) i hate that this is what i like now. Its ruining my relationship but honestly i dont know if i can bury my fetishes without living them( after our try then an unaccepting tone of rejection, i feel teased and want nothing more than these burdons to come true.(as im not the only one, i lean more toward pegging and vanilla for women pleasure without any gain.) My deadend is, during a fight she has no problem calling me faggot, humiliating me for this and quote; "liking having my legs up *** spread and ****ed till its stretched." yes she said that! but draws blank for kink talk in bed( frustrating for me who wants verbal abuse) so how is she so comfortable with exploiting me outside the bedroom but so reserved inside? It drives me crazy that she wants changes in our relationship and me to be better with house work, arrends, our child, doctors, moral, physical, mental support but wont shy from the strict view of my desires. Its infuriating i "take what i get" but she excepts so much more effort when i get none in return. when ive expressed cleanliness, guidence, and a confidence so she will take charge, im just forcing her to do somthing she doesnt want too. But i get nothing and feel horrible since its my fault and she resents me when at one time she wanted to shove her finger in because i was against it at the time. Any ideas on starting the convo about my desires and how i can get her off the bandwagon off judgmental women who believes we men do the work and none of the reward? Or how i can make the awkwardness of us together elevate? (She asked me if i liked to masterbate while she was at work, i said yes, along with other things, then asked if i penetrate myself, i replied no i want her to be involved and she immediately shot me down, saying im gay. This delima really scares me since i feel entraped and if i leave due to the constant insults and disrespect of being gay, im quote; "not normal and very sick" and my secret will be front page news if i do anything she dont agree with. but she claims i make her feel stuck in relationship because we have a child and we live together. My bottom line: if i have to live in fear with all of my interests hovering over my head and ridiculed as a result, i want to live them in theyre entirety. if it helps shes only into sex when shes up for it, if not im a pig and not caring of her wishes. Parden my fench, but shes a real ***** since my honesty of interests.

[insearchofadvise22]

Sorry to write a novel, just have alot on my mind and this forum is an amazing outlet in a reality where opening up to my SO has blew up in my face as badly as it has. Thanks for your concern and advise. Just feel like exploding since what i truly want is deemed "not appropriate" by a person that im commited too.

[insearchofadvise22]

Yes i have. And the rude comments do hurt when she was so in love and wouldn't hurt my feelings with insults before my honesty. She says "quit being so sensitive, faggot" and smiles at me. I hate it that she won't make a valid effort to read, research, review to gain a better view of things to atleast ease my belittlement of what i was honest about. I wouldn't even mind the insults if it were in bed. But in public, in the car. (She was liking through a magazine the other day, seem a muscular woman and shown me the picture asking "oh is this the type of gi u want to dominate you?" Laughing while she said it. It was truly degrading. Honestly this girl loved me so much before, i know im twisted but i dont deserve to be treated like im just paycheck. i work, provide, and am a great person. I constantly think im a problem. Thank you to all who have sent support. I rejoice the moment i stumbled across this forum. feels good to talk.

[LilahX]

With a new baby she has lots to contend with on top of your revelation just prior. But 'the cat is out of the bag' and she knows you have an interest. Did you know her feelings about m/m in general? If not, I guess you do now.

First and foremost she needs reassurance that you're not 'gay', but may be bi. Bi-sexual (to me) is just that - you like both sexes physcially. To me, gay is only wanting that and wanting the emotional part of a r/ship with the same sex as well. It depends whether she regards m/m sexual interaction as wrong or bad or dirty - if that's the case then that's gonna be difficult. If it's more the worry that she could potentially have male competitiono for your affections, then (with lots of open, honest and non-judgemental or emotional talk), you can work out whether to forget the whole thing or work towards explorating your interest. But for now, let her (and you) make the massive adjustment that a new child requires and give yourselves some time. Good luck.

[effy2014]

There is a lot to digest in your post.

My first suggestion is that you might benefit from some individual therapy, especially concerning your sexual identity. It seems like the search/analysis was incomplete in your teens and, before you have a conversation about it, you may need to discuss it more. It also appears that your sexual preferences are preventing you from enjoying the sex you have . . . you may think that you are approaching this slowly, but to her you are obsessing. Sorting through your own feelings will help you and will also show your wife that you are serious about dealing with issues.

Second, trying to make your wife a FemDom when she is uncomfortable taking the lead is a difficult task and needs to be done very slowly. She has to feel the power within herself and be able to assert it. I, too, wanted my SO to be more assertive. She, however, was far more turned on by a man who leads and is directive. I did not want to change that . . . it would have changed the dynamic of our entire relationship (as you have found your wife questioning). We started slow -- I'm a pain/pleasure guy and love when she pulls my hair during oral or intercourse or runs her nails over me. I encouraged her to be more vocal which took time. I began the anal play on her very early in our relationship -- my eagerness made her curious and eventually led to pegging. It is a process of empowerment and experimentation. She will never be a femdom, but she does plenty to satisfy my need for her to be assertive.

The last thing, and probably the most important, is respect. Your wife had a vision of you as her manly man. She has a child with you and wants a man to father your child. You have shattered her foundation by revealing too much, too soon in a very intimate way. She is acting like she has lost respect for you. Forget the sex part for a moment. You need to rebuild that respect. That is where communication is so important. You are the same man she married, just with a little more kink. The men who like FemDoms and bondage are generally alpha males in all other aspects of their lives. Rebuild the respect and trust, and you can start again at having at least part of the sex life you want.