[therednotebook]

i have done a complete 180.

my sex drive is zero. i have identified as bisexual since before i was engaging in any sexual activity. it's not like i don't have the pick of the whole willing world at my fingertips. yet, here i am, with zero want, zero desire, and zero will to even pretend.

my current partner and i (in an open relationship) have been together for five years. off and on. mostly on. and initially, it was the best sex of my life. and i have had a lot of it. every style, every variation, with all kinds...and maybe, therein lies the problem. after fifteen years of intense promiscuity and a sex drive that rivaled any sexually aggressive typical male: i am absolutely bored to death of sex.

i just don't care.

and i'm twenty-eight.

this seems like some cruel joke, really. but the only thing that i engage in these days is to get myself off when i'm incredibly frustrated. in an angry way, frustrated. the kind of frustrated that's like, "I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW, SO I HAD BETTER JUST GET MY MIND OFF OF HOW MAD I AM FOR THREE MINUTES AND CARRY ON".

and, for the record, these moments are very. very. rare.

i used to eyeball the general population and play the, "imagine THAT" game. now? i don't care. i don't want to imagine anything with anyone but myself, alone, in the dark, with just me. the thought of engaging a new body or anybody for that matter grosses me out. it's groan worthy.

"ugh. writhing around and acting like an animal in heat? no, thank you." - like all of a sudden, i'm disgusted with my own primal nature. but the nature doesn't even feel like nature anymore, anyway.

my partner is frustrated, mildly. thank mercy he is typically too consumed with his own dealings and work and going-ons to take too much notice of my decrease in drive - but this whole thing seems just positively bizarre.

i am not on birth control. i have zero children and zero desire to have children. i have had no horrific, traumatic events, and i like to think i am perfectly sound in the realm of the mind.

yet, nothing. the urge has completely evacuated the premises, and at this point, if i never had to touch another phallus or orifice ever again - i could care less.

for someone who used to pride themselves on the persistence of their lusty loins, this just seems all kinds of wrong.

anyone? thoughts? hilarious anecdotes? snide comments? i'll take what i can get.

[Stillness]

I don't think that a person can just get bored with sex. It's like getting bored with food. If you lose your appetite, it's not because you've been eating food for years or you've eaten the same thing too much. There's a physiological issue. It's much the same with sexual desire.

The difference is that sexual desire is not a necessity, so you're not going to become sick or die if you don't get it. But it's not just boredom.

[therednotebook]

read boredom as i am disinterested. that's the point.

[Stillness]

Yes. It seems like you link it with the amount and variety, though. As if you've done it all. A healthy sex drive doesn't work that way. There may be some sense of monotony from doing the same thing over and over, just like eating a tuna sandwich for breakfast, lunch, and dinner daily would get old. But what you're describing doesn't seem to be boredom or even indifference, but aversion.

It may very well be that the way you've done things has led you to this point. You may be on to something there. I don't think that "intense promiscuity" is healthy. There may be some psychological reaction. I wouldn't rule out the physical, though. Maybe you could discuss it with your doctor?

[therednotebook]

groan.

[effy2014]

I agree with Stillness. In my view, the issue is emotional and psychological and not physical. Being sexual starts in the brain (as you understand with the "imagine that" game you used to play with yourself) and now it is completely turned. Your brain is telling you something . . . If it were me, I'd go see a therapist and figure out what it is.

I would not so easily dismiss what you are feeling as intense boredom. Groan as you might, we all are programmed to find meaning for ourselves. The intense promiscuity does not seem to be working for you as a life's quest anymore. Perhaps there is more . . . maybe a partner more into you than his work to notice your struggles or a partner in whom you are more comfortable to confide your fears and struggles.

Whatever the cause, your new journey has begun. Embrace it or not, it's your choice.

[raindancer]

Are you alright? I mean, besides your lack of desire to engage in sex, are you fine, happy, doing things, working, enjoying yourself, etc?

Or are you going through lots of problem that have put you into a depressive state?

[FlorOD]

I think that you/your partner will have to accept that libido isn't a "fixed" thing. Events and emotions influence your desires a lot and, as other people have said, it's all in your head.

My own libido dropped incredibly low when I started birth control (I could go months without masturbating), although I realized that there might be other factors (like stress and depression) involved. I realized that it was only after I have settled myself that I got better mentally (and sexually).

I think that you may have some things in your current life that you need to take care of before worrying about libido!