[SwisherSweet906]

I've been having this issue for over a year now...

It's EXTREMELY difficult for me and my boyfriend to have sex. My vagina seems to just get really tense as soon as he goes to penetrate. I'm never nervous (except thinking about the pain I'm about to endure). My body and mind are generally very relaxed during intercourse, it's only the penetration that is difficult. It hurts really bad, and it feels like the opening isn't large enough for him to enter.

I know the problem isn't him, because I had the same exact problem with my ex. It got to the point where we just quit having sex. I don't want to feel that way again. I want this issue to go away and be able to have sex with ease again. What should I do???

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun I think you are fearful that it will hurt and you shut down and it remains tight and so the cycle continues.

What has happened in your life that makes you feel that you can't feel free with a man? Anything? That you can recall?

If not , it's not unusual for a woman to not be able to open enough she is on the tight side, did the past boyfriend or this boyfriend learn to relax you take time, a lot of time, so you can trust them, love them, believe in them? As this will open that passage more to feel what you should.

I feel like there is a fear but also that there is not trust or experience.

[effy2014]

There are two possible issues, physical and emotional. I assume that you have checked out the physical side . . . if you can masterbate via a vibrator that you insert into your vagina without pain, then the issue is most likely not physical.

While not easily solved, the emotional issue can be confronted. CW has given you a path -- examining your sexual history with the ex and your own emotional history. She is right that, if you expect the pain, you will brace for it. A self fulfilling prophesy.

One way might be to take intercourse off the table and engage in other form of sexual gratification. Let your new BF love you orally at first and, very slowly, try digitally. Let him explore other means to fulfill you. If he is successful, over time, he can try intercourse when your brain is not anticipating the bad outcome.

[SwisherSweet906]

I can't really think of any reason why this started. Me and my ex didn't have a good relationship towards the end of it, but this problem started the very first time we tried to have sex...

Me and my current boyfriend have been together for over a year. He has been able to penetrate a few times, butnever without difficulty...

[SwisherSweet906]

However, he has learned to make me orgasm orally and by using his fingers. It feels just as amazing (if not more) than penetration. I guess I'd just like to find a way to resolve the problem though.

[effy2014]

Is the pain the same when inserting a sex toy?

[SwisherSweet906]

I don't use sex toys. The most I've ever used is a vibrator, but that only made me orgasm if I used it on my clit, I never penetrated myself with it.

[Texasred45]

My wife developed the same problem: very painful intercourse.
It was caused by a (benign) fibroid tumor taking up so much space there wasn't room for me. Since the only cure would have been a hysterectomy, she elected to do nothing. Like you, she can still orgasm by other means (but that does nothing for me).