[Romy]

It could be sexual or non sexual. It might be something you wish they would do more of perhaps.

Do you find it easy to express your needs and wants in bed?

[Stillness]

Do you find it easy to express your needs and wants in bed?

I'm very sad that the answer to this question is "no."

She's my best friend, my partner, and my lover of over a decade and a half, but I don't really feel 100% comfortable expressing what I want. It's a situation where I don't want to rock the boat because things are better than ever. I know she'd do absolutely anything I want, but I kind of let her do her thing because I assume that's what will keep her happy and lead to the most eagerness on her part.

[Elizabeth1031]

I was a little shy about expressing myself but lately (after 6 yrs lol) I've gotten much more assertive and he loves all the same things. I think we both hesitated cuz we thought the other would think it was weird, but after a little help fr alcohol one night we got really kinky and it all came out. Our sex life is way better for it. If there's something u want, ask! Good chance they want it too. Or at least want to please you

[Ashlee T.]

I ask for what I want. It makes things fun and exciting. Sometimes I do so playfully so I can test the waters a bit and see what he considers off limits, and then I'm totally respectful of that because I want him to be respectful of my boundaries also. I don't ever want to walk on eggshells with someone.

[Hell on Wheels]

What I wish she would do more of is tell me exactly what she wants and how she wants it. We seem to end up there most of the time, but I kind of have to figure it out, based on experience. I have asked her to direct, tell me and (in a perfect world) demand. But she says that's just not her, that until we are really into it and she's close to the point of no return, and then for a short time afterward, it's difficult for her to vocalize in an overly assertive and sexual way. And I always get the "You always know what to do" response.

And, oh, yeah, I would like her to swallow

[yoshiyoshi]

I'd like it if he could be a bit more hardcore with me...

[effy2014]

My SO and I communicate very well on the sex stuff. For us, it was important to make it loving and safe to experiment. We found that we liked many of the same things and, as Elizabeth wrote, would never have found out without asking. For a lot of couples the failure to communicate is caused by the fear of finding out we are not great lovers and need to improve rather than what it really is -- tailoring our sex lives to what each of us needs and desires.

We have definite limits. I would love her to be more dominate at times, but she is just not comfortable. She would like me to be rougher at times but the thought of hurting her prevents me from enjoying it. However, we have found different activities to give us that feeling and keep within the limits.

[effy2014]

I'd like it if he could be a bit more hardcore with me...

Start with small steps and work your way up. I'm not sure what you define as "hardcore", but I am the one who buys all of the sex toys in the relationship. If you like bondage, start with some cuffs. If you want sex a certain way, you might find pillows lead him in a certain direction.

While we were kissing one time, my SO put my hand on her throat and progressively tightened my grip. This led to a real discussion of what/how she wanted it and led us to safe play.