[lauralight]

Also known as no strings attached sex. I'm considering it, I'm confused..I'm not young, exactly at 35, but know I'm very attractive, and love a guy whom has moved on, and I'm very physically lonely.
Just wondering if anyone can talk to me about this? I have had an STD before, so I'm sooooo afraid of that again, but I'm very missing sex and that sort of enjoyment in my life(after about a year now). I know I could make a deal with a guy, like we're exclusive lovers, even if there's nothing else between us. I just abhorr bed-hopping. See my quandry?

Laura

[lilmofie]

Ok. There are a few things you must consider before delving into the world of NSA sex.

Infection:
Yes the risk of STI's and pregnancy are high unless ur carefull and even still there's no guarentee you'll be totally protected.

Emotional risk:
From personal experience i think you'll find that men can emotionally detach themselves much easier than woman can when it comes to sex i.e. It's quite likely that although you can both agree to become "friends with benefits" and nothing more.... chances are, you'll probably end up falling for him or quite possibly vice versa which is great if there's reciprocation.
Self Worth:
Knowing this about yourself is so important as to not getting hurt is a major factor. NSA sex, although a good idea at the time can lead to self doubt/self loathing/feeling used.

Reputation:
Although NSA sex isn't that uncommon, it's still frowned apon. If you decided that you were infact not getting the same sexual gratification you desired from your "friend" and decided to go elsewhere, this could lead to labelling e.g. s**g/****/w***e. Could you handle this type of stereotyping?

I feel as though i know where you're coming from because i myself was in a similar position. I wanted to fill a sexual/physical void in my life that couldn't be achieved by maturbation alone. Me and a close friend decided to become "friends with benefits" which was ideal as we had dated the previous year. We agreed to NSA sex but i soon found myself wanting more, emotionally. I didn't want to risk the relationship we had as friends so made up an excuse that i had started seeing someone else. Later on i did infact meet someone who i'm still with but recent revelations have left me thinking what if? I've found out that my "friend" is in love with me and knowing that i'm in a stable relationship has left him feeling jealous and gutted at a missed opportunity!

I guess the question you should be asking is: Am i prepared incase any of the above should happen?

Good Luck

[lauralight]

I don't know...

I have just told the x that I'm truely in love with, I want 6 months of no contact, he has a gf now, and she lives with him. Things are too painful to even talk with him. Part of this might be me reaching to get over him, or at least realize I can have satisfying sex with another person.

[C]

I have just told the x that I'm truely in love with, I want 6 months of no contact, he has a gf now, and she lives with him. Things are too painful to even talk with him. Part of this might be me reaching to get over him, or at least realize I can have satisfying sex with another person.

What makes you think you can have satisfying sex with another man with your ex-boyfriend in bed with you? You are just playing a game. Trying to get him jealous and to fill your sexual wants. What makes you think that you and this new person will be lovers? Lovers love each other. F buddies, F each other. Like you said, NSA but in the end, you will be hurt.

[lauralight]

What?

My x and I are no longer lovers!

[C]

My x and I are no longer lovers!

I know that you are not lovers but what makes you think that you can try and make love to another man with this man on your mind. That is what I meant by saying that your lover (ex) would be in bed with you. Trying to close out a part of your heart is not easy. Will this really ease the pain or make it worse.

The sexual passion and hunger of a woman can be terrible. Especially now as you age and get more sexual and with no relief in sight. Just be careful that you don't make things worse by venturing into this. Usually, NSA hurts the woman. We are such different sexes. To a man casual sex means casual sex, but to a woman sex is a deeply personal thing and the more you give of yourself, the more you can get hurt....Honey, take baby steps.....

[Little]

I think she meant that as a metaphor.
The 6 months apart seems like a great idea. The thing is, only you can know when you're ready to move on, and "no strings" sex can make things very confusing when you're trying to sort out feelings. You're vulnerable right now, and you could be opening yourself up to even more hurt.
I see your point of view; trying to prove to yourself that you can move on and find something just as powerful with someone else. And sex is a very powerful thing.
Just don't overdo it; feel out your boundaries and don't push them too hard. At least not until you are comfortable with what might be on the other side.
Good luck!

[lauralight]

There's just only so long

a woman's going to be alone with her Vib!