[L0826]

I'm a 32 year old female with little to no sex experience.
I have always wanted to wait for the right person to come along, or for marriage, however, i'm at a point in my life where I want to enjoy sex and become more sexually active. The problem is I have only slept with one person, and we only had sex twice. He was very very small, therefore, I do not feel as if I lost my virginity, in addition it did not hurt at all. It has been 5 years and I have absolutely no idea how to become sexually active at the age of 32. I'm afraid of the PAIN i will endure with someone with a larger penis, and afraid that I will be rejected once I tell a guy i'm practically a virgin even though I've had sex. It actually feels extremely embarrassing to start at such an old age. Most of the men I date don't know i'm inexperienced and make it pretty clear they want an experienced woman. I waited so long for the right person, and it would be a shame to have sex again with someone who might be rough on me because i'm too embarrassed to tell him that i'm practically a virgin. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can become sexually active again? Are men turned off by virgins or inexperienced women at my age?
Any advice will help!

[CapeCRunner]

First off, I think you should definitely wait until you make a good connection with someone. Establish a good, trusting relationship with one another. If a man shows you respect and you feel comfortable with him, he makes you laugh, etc (just an all around good person), he will likely hold that same respect for you on an intimate level. No one should be rough with you while having sex (unless it was something down the road that you both agreed on, or had a desire to try). My husband is a great great guy, and in the beginning of our relationship we just had your typical missionary position sex, or me on top, for a little while until we started getting more comfortable talking about our desires with one another. It was never painful or rough or awkward. I understand that your lack of experience makes it all the more nerve-wracking, but if you find a good, respectful man that you feel a connection with, it can be a really enjoyable thing. Communication is the key, in my opinion. Be honest, and take it slow.

[Lexhill]

I'm about to turn 30. And from my view there is nothing wrong with being a virgin(Or almost virgin). As far as I know there is actually a very small chance that your virginity/hymen is still intact. As extremely many girls lose it from other activities. From that you could start playing with toys to get to know your own sexuality(If you don't do it already). I would believe dildos could take the pain away from your first sexual encounter. Therefor you could relax a little and enjoy it instead. But as CapeCRunner said, I would try to find someone that you like before having sex. The first one you "do" it with will be remembered, and when you have "saved" yourself for that long I would not give it up to a random guy.

I actually find it very respectable to have "saved" yourself for that long. I would as a guy have been honored by the fact, rather then anything else.

[Claret]

The first step in finding a sexual partner begins with finding someone that you want to share this experience with. No matter how large or small your first partner was - you are now not a virgin even though you may feel like one. The hymen is just a technicality. Look for someone that you are attracted to, someone that is attracted to you and not just for the looks. At least go out and see whether or not this is someone you could really see yourself having a relationship with. It doesn't have to be a forever relationship but it should have some basis of compatibility.

Then, if you feel the connection and if he feels the connection - just let things happen naturally. Not all men you'll meet with have vast amounts of experience and indeed someone may appreciate that you haven't slept around a lot. Not having a lot of experience doesn't mean he/she won't be any good, it just means there may be more for you to discover as a couple.

[raindancer]

You don't have to disclosure to anyone how many partners you've had. You should respect a man's wish to have sex only with an experienced person, if he expressed it, but you don't have to tell him about your experiences, or lack of thereof.

About pain and men being rough, don't think a man will be rough with a woman just because she's experienced. If a man is a vanilla lover, he'll be a vanilla lover, no matter how experienced the woman is, because that's his way.

In my opinion, and you're totally right if you decide to ignore it completely, people should only have sex if and when they feel like it. Not because of some age barrier, not because they're expected to. Only if you wish for it.

I see sex as something special, certainly, because it's so intimate and can have consequences, but not as something sacred. Again, that's just my opinion, not some kind of truth. In your position, I'd have sex for fun. I'm only saying that, because you ask how to become sexually active again. It is very easy. When I want to have sex, I choose a man whose looks excite me. I approach him and let my pheromones and direct personality bring him to the same state of mind as mine. If his looks are accompanied by a good attitude and there is nothing making him "feel" wrong to me, I'll perhaps have sex with him, should the conversation not harm my libido.

But you aren't me. You have to decide for yourself how to go about it. Some people only have sex if they're in a long term relationship. Some people never have sex. We're all different.

Just don't think you need to tell a man about your sex life. It's yours, it is private and none of his business, unless you really wish to tell him. While you're having sex, you can direct him, so, if he's being "rough" and you don't like it, he'll have to change to accommodate your likings during the act. But I must say, most men I've known weren't rough. Most men were pretty vanilla. That, again, is just my experience.

Are men turned on by virgins? I wouldn't like to be with a man who'd see me as some kind of prize. If I were a virgin, I wouldn't tell a man that. Perhaps another time, after I'd get to know him well enough to know he cared for me and wouldn't see me like a prize, or fetish, or something like that, months into the relationship.

Whatever you are, whatever you do, you'll never please all men, just like a man won't please all women. Some sexual encounters are better than others. Even when you're into a relationship and doing it with the person you love most in the whole world, some days are better than others.

You are who you are. If somebody doesn't like you, that's fine, just go your separate ways.

[L0826]

Thank you so much for your advice! I has definitely helped me!!!
I will begin to apply this approach!
I don't feel so alone, and most of all, the support has has helped me realize that I may not be the only one! \
Thank you all!! xo

[jilljames8184]

I agree with Lexhill...start with toys. Start with a small one and work your way up to one that is comparable to the average penis. This way you will be more able to accommodate a penis plus you will learn more about your own body and what it takes to make yourself feel good.