[footballwife]

Hey! I am in my mid 40's and struggle with not wanting to have sex at all! I love my husband and find him very attractive, sexy, etc. We communicate and have a wonderful relationship. I really WANT to want to have sex. I have been reading a lot of things that lead me to believe that I may have some sort of female sexual dysfunction. It seems to affect a lot of women!! Has anyone had any success with any other products besides hormones? It seems there is really nothing to help this situation and is beginning to cause a rift in my marriage.

[spunkymama96]

[/QUOTE]

You are not alone. I have been married for 18 years to the most wonderful man. He is sexy, funny, smart, and a great father and husband. For the past several months, I have had no desire to have sex. I do it out of obligation. I want our marriage to last. Do any of you have any suggestions? I see advertisements all the time for men, but none for women. We deserve options!

[footballwife]

Thanks Spunkymama96! It is good to know I am not alone in how I feel! TONS of options for men, I don't know of ANY for women! Not fair!

[a_dub]

I don't get it...you say you want to have sex but the thread says u don't have desire. How's that? Do you mean you want to want to have sex?

[effy2014]

I really WANT to want to have sex. I have been reading a lot of things that lead me to believe that I may have some sort of female sexual dysfunction. It seems to affect a lot of women!! Has anyone had any success with any other products besides hormones? It seems there is really nothing to help this situation and is beginning to cause a rift in my marriage.

For the past several months, I have had no desire to have sex. I do it out of obligation. I want our marriage to last. Do any of you have any suggestions? I see advertisements all the time for men, but none for women. We deserve options![/QUOTE]

The first step is to determine whether your lack of desire is physical or emotional. Sexual desire starts in the brain. The problem could be physical if pain sensations, lack of lubrication or lack of pleasure sensations keep you from wanting to have sex. If you can masterbate and bring yourself to orgasm, then the odds are it's not physical.

By the way, the male products you see advertised are generally not for desire. Viagra and medications of that type are for physical sexual disfunction . . . they increase blood flow to enable an orgasm. They do not create sexual desire. There are hormonal options (ie increasing levels of testosterone for men) for both men and women.

The second thing to check is whether you are on any meds which, as a side effect, cause a decrease in libido. There are many. Check with your doctor.

Generally, IMHO, the issues are emotionally or relationship based. If you can't figure it out, go see a therapist. What happened in between your last known time period when you had desire and your current lack of desire? Are there things your partner is doing or should be doing?

You both are right. Men connect with their partners on an emotional level through sex and intimacy. Take an active role in attempting to treat the cause or find a cure to manufacture desire. Involve your partners as well. Perhaps modifying routines, role playing, escaping your life for an evening at a hotel, engaging in a fantasy . . . there are so many ways to recapture desire.

[LilahX]

Hi - it's great that you're looking to fix your problem rather than just letting it go because as much as we dont like to think that sex is the 'be all and end all' of a r/ship it does play a huge part, especially for men. Not sure why you're anti hormones when it's highly possible that is the problem. Have you had your levels checked?

I went off sex with my ex (when I was in my 30s) but I know it was purely bc I had very little emotional connection to him (and now in my 60s I have a great sex drive). It doesn't sound as if you have that problem and it's half the battle that you want to get your mojo back. Having your hormones checked would at least either identify or eliminate one possible answer. Good luck.

[Elizabeth1031]

So the difference between new sex excitement and old sex is the production of dopamine, the pleasure feeling. When ur in a new relationship ur brain is flooded w it. And it makes u feel high and aroused but just like w any drug, getting the same dose of it, u get immune and it stops feeling good. U need an increase of ur "drug". In this case, you'd need to increase ur "drug" by trying new stuff. Toys, role playing etc.. Or watching porn w produce it. Basically just "spicing it up" and keeping it new. Also I've heard that women often don't want to have sex randomly and need to be physically aroused before they want it. You only need to want to want it and if u let urself be physically stimulated u will want it.. That's normal for women.

[sensual1]

Have you looked into aromatherapy (made with REAL essential oils-therapeutic properties) or herbal remedies? There are many natural aphrodisiacs that could help with your libido with no side effects.

[footballwife]

Thank you so much for all of your input! I have looked into many things. I understand that the options for men usually do not concentrate on desire. It is generally used for blood flow. In my research, it just seems that there is just little known about this subject of desire for women. It is like a double standard in my opinion. I read somewhere that this affects like 46% of women?! Also in that same article it said that there are 26 FDA approved medications for men, and ZERO for women! That just seems unfair. I just wanted to see what everyone here thought about that.

[jns]

If someone was to find a cure for the lack of sexual desire amongst some women, women would celebrate that person, but men would worship that person. I don't think it's due to the lack of trying. Maybe the lack of desire amongst some women is due to many different causes and thus there will be no cure-all.