[cockless]

Hi everyone,
I'm 52 and due to prostate cancer I had a radical prostatectomy nearly 3 years ago.
I had always had a very strong libido so the untreatable impotence i now suffer really distresses me.

My wife who is 34 stated once that she finds nothing sexual about a flaccid penis and her actions since my surgery have made it very clear that a hard penis is her only real desire sexually. I told her prior to surgery that I would need her to "take the lead" in sex post surgery because of the hit my self perception, self esteem as a man would take and she of course agreed.
Now I am 52, celibate and resentful towards my wife whom I see as having betrayed me by not exploring any other options or expressing any interest in sex other than what I am no longer capable of.
I would give anything to undo what I have done but of course that is impossible.
It really is driving me insane, I think about sex all the time but am constantly aware that to my wife I am no longer a sexual creature and not desirable in any way.
Were it not for my young kids whom I just adore I would have killed myself some time ago. I have tried counselling, antideppressants and every drug that could possible treat my physical problem.
I have tried to suggest every kind of alternative sexuality I can imagine and cannot find anything that interests her. She just doesnt want to hear it let alone experiment and find things we can both enjoy.
I have told her how I feel and she just gets upset with me for feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing left that I can think of is castration be it surgical or chemical to try and remove my own libido but I doubt I will find a doctor willing to do this.
Please..... does anyone have any ideas, I hate myself and what I have done to myself, I fear I will end up just ****ing her off so much i will lose her and my children and be left having had myself horribly mutilated for no reason at all.
Any ideas ? Anyone?

[effy2014]

I feel terrible for the predicament that you are in, especially with regard for the betrayal you feel towards your wife. I can empathize with the pain and depression that you feel.

I have two suggestions. The first, is couples therapy. You need a forum in which you can express your feelings and understand hers. It is clear that without mediation,this conversation may be impossible. If not therapy, find a support group that is attended by men who have had the procedure and their spouses. You will get much better ideas from that kind of forum.

My second suggestion is some form of implant. I am surprised that an implant was not offered to you by the physician. The implants can assist you in having and maintaining an erection.

I wish there was more I could offer

[cockless]

Thank you for your kind words and advice.
If I may add..... Implants are unfortunately not an option for me, I have exhausted all possible solutions to my impotence.
My wife has made it very clear.... stating several times " I will never change" so I dont have much faith in that changing from counselling. Also I find it very distressing to talk about this at all, I am actually profoundly ashamed of what I have become. I am a male Registered Nurse and never wanted for female company both sexual and platonic, in short I have always been very highly sexed and would previously have felt very frustrated with only a week without sex, now I cant even masturbate.

[Elizabeth1031]

I know nothing about prostate cancer or the procedure so forgive me if this is a stupid comparison but my boyfriend had testicular cancer and had both testicles removed but used steroids now and has no problem having sex w me.. I read that Viagra can sometimes help men after prostate cancer so maybe steroids would help if Viagra didn't?

[Claret]

As far as I recall, it would all depend upon whether or not the nerves that control the erections is damaged by the surgery, or in some cases removed. If I'm understanding the OP correctly he is looking for a sexual connection to his wife, the closeness and intimacy but his wife is not going along with him. There are other ways to sexually satisfy each other and he just is looking for that again.

[jns]

If I may add..... Implants are unfortunately not an option for me, I have exhausted all possible solutions to my impotence.

Could you expand on why an implant is not an option? I met a guy in Thailand who had a pump style implant and he said it changed his life in a very positive way. He was in his 70s and was very sexually active.

[bootsie]

Hi everyone,
I'm 52 and due to prostate cancer I had a radical prostatectomy nearly 3 years ago.
I had always had a very strong libido so the untreatable impotence i now suffer really distresses me.

My wife who is 34 stated once that she finds nothing sexual about a flaccid penis and her actions since my surgery have made it very clear that a hard penis is her only real desire sexually. I told her prior to surgery that I would need her to "take the lead" in sex post surgery because of the hit my self perception, self esteem as a man would take and she of course agreed.
Now I am 52, celibate and resentful towards my wife whom I see as having betrayed me by not exploring any other options or expressing any interest in sex other than what I am no longer capable of.
I would give anything to undo what I have done but of course that is impossible.
It really is driving me insane, I think about sex all the time but am constantly aware that to my wife I am no longer a sexual creature and not desirable in any way.
Were it not for my young kids whom I just adore I would have killed myself some time ago. I have tried counselling, antideppressants and every drug that could possible treat my physical problem.
I have tried to suggest every kind of alternative sexuality I can imagine and cannot find anything that interests her. She just doesnt want to hear it let alone experiment and find things we can both enjoy.
I have told her how I feel and she just gets upset with me for feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing left that I can think of is castration be it surgical or chemical to try and remove my own libido but I doubt I will find a doctor willing to do this.
Please..... does anyone have any ideas, I hate myself and what I have done to myself, I fear I will end up just ********ing her off so much i will lose her and my children and be left having had myself horribly mutilated for no reason at all.
Any ideas ? Anyone?

Hi, there.
Can you message me?

[cathygirl]

There are a number of options available to men in your situation. Surgical implantation of a permanent semi-rigid prosthetic device is one option. There are also inflatable implants. It is a real shame that your spouse is not helpful. Remember, though, she has also lost something and you both are grieving over a loss if this has occurred fairly recently. If she just slams the door permanently, I'm afraid you may have just picked the wrong kind of life partner. That is a painful reality to have to face for sure. I'm truly sorry, but at least explore these other options with your doctor.

[cockless]

Hi Bootsie, Im not sure how ? dumb I know

[Findingluckystar]

My HB also has the same surgery and same problem, he uses pills I.e cialis /Viagra helps it to stay hard and erected. He always has PE problem even before he has surgery, so our sex life is not a new problem as it happened before his surgery and after the surgery,it just become little worse . As his attitude of not helping himself getting over his PE problem, he doesn't care much of his new problem either after surgery, so, I don't think he has quite same issue as you have but the only thing I know helps him was the pill if you haven't tried those route yet