[Elizabeth1031]

I've seen a lot of posts by awesome men about how great their sex lives are after 10-20+ yrs w kids.. I was wondering. Do ur wives take great care of themselves and still look hot or do u have kinky sex or are u just good men that are content w their wives and not buy into the idea that men need variety? I've hit the 6 yr mark w my boyfriend and have gotten a little insecure that things are gonna go south and he's gonna be bored of the same woman... So I was wondering the secret to a great long term sex life.

[jns]

A lot of people can get in a rut if they keep on doing the same thing all of the time. Some are very tolerant of of doing the same routine. Try to figure out how much newness is needed to keep things fresh and change things up at that pace. Work on coming up with new ideas that you both will enjoy. Don't change things too fast or you may run out of ideas or lose the connection between you two due to all of the changes.

Women change with time, men change with time. In general, adding a little weight or getting in shape shouldn't change the relationship. Of course, trying to look your best for your SO is always good. Don't think having children makes you automatically unattractive even if it alters your body shape significantly. For many men there is greater bonding with the women who bore their children.

Consider how you two were when you first got together. Every so often make a date night where you both try to keep up with that pace. Make sure the romance is included and appreciated.

[effy2014]

It's all about the relationship. Of course, there are all kinds of strategies to keep things "fresh" in the bedroom, but you cannot rely on them to keep a partner's interest. It's what happens outside the bedroom that keeps love and passion alive. Do you understand each other's needs and try to meet them? Do you keep the romance and passion alive every day? Do you communicate frequently about the relationship? Do you know when your partner is unhappy and why?

If a man believes that his partner should always be 25, then he will never be happy in the relationship. Women age. They have children. Just like men, their bodies change. But if you appreciate who is she is . . . her ability to make you happy out if the bedroom . . . and if the man has done his part to appreciate her, then the bedroom will always be filled with mutual passion.

Let me ask the real question . . . what brings on your insecurities? Why do you believe that your BF will want a younger woman?

[Baboy]

jns and effy make good points. jns suggests that perhaps some couples are more tolerant than others of the same routine, sexually. I agree.

My wife and I have been married 10 years and then some; together for a few more than that. We have a child. Our sexual relationship has not changed noticeably over the years. It did not change when she was pregnant either! Maybe new positions as she got bigger, but we never quit right up to her due date! And now, it still feels fresh and enjoyable. We have not devoted much time to wracking our brains to conjure up new things to try, to stave off boredom. After 10, 20, 30 years, how much can there be out there to try, without really straining, just to say it's new? For us, boredom is a non-issue.

I think effy is on the right track in saying that a good relationship outside the bedroom will go a long way to maintaining happiness in the bedroom. Effy has asked about your insecurities, and if that is something you are able to articulate, that might be helpful, so that they may be addressed. I did not understand you to say you fear your bf seeking a younger woman, as queried by effy, but I think you feel he might seek variety. For that kind of wanderlust to set in, I think it will relate not to bedroom boredom, but to something more serious amiss in the relationship.

You ask if some are "just good men that are content w their wives and not buy into the idea that men need variety". I think that fairly describes some of us. I accept that most men (and women) in long-term relationships will occasionally fantasize about a fling with someone else, for variety. But most recognize that such an indulgence is inimical to maintaining the great relationships we have and, in the end, simply not worth it. Moreover, most of us recognize that the fleeting contemplation is likely to be more enjoyable than actual realization would prove to be.

[Elizabeth1031]

I didn't mean to imply I was worried he'd want a younger woman, as I am only 29 and he's a decade older, I'm worried he will be bored of only having one woman forever.. My insecurities stem from the fact that I work in a bar and listen to drunk men talk about how they want to ******************** every hot chick they see and that men aren't meant to be monagamous and need variety etc etc... I know what you're saying about other things being more important than sex and I agree but our relationship is great as is the sex, just worry that what these drunk guys in bars are saying is true and that it's inevitable..

[jns]

Drunk guys in bars are not a group that is representative of men as a whole and thus are not a group to find understanding of men with. A lot of guys don't go to bars and get drunk because they might just become fools if they did. Others don't let that stop them. I'm sorry you are getting a one-sided view of guys.

[effy2014]

My insecurities stem from the fact that I work in a bar and listen to drunk men talk about how they want to **************************************** every hot chick they see and that men aren't meant to be monagamous and need variety etc etc.

jns and I are of the same opinion. Getting an "education" about relationships from drunk men in a bar is not a great idea. Chances are that they are getting drunk in a bar because their relationships have gone south and have latched on to the excuse of cheaters. Alcohol also tends to encourage to false bravado.

If your BF didn't cheat on his wife or girlfriend to be with you, if he has not exhibited any of the traits of a lying person and if he loves and respects you, then you have little to,worry about. Always keep the lines of communication open and both of you should check in with each other to nip any smaller problems before they become large ones.

[Baboy]

I've seen a lot of posts by awesome men about how great their sex lives are after 10-20+ yrs w kids.

jns said it well.

I'd be willing to bet that the "awesome men" of whom you speak do not hang out in bars and do not get drunk. They are at home with their wives/gfs and kids. I have spent very little time in bars. I got drunk once when in my teens, got to being semi-drunk once or twice in my 20s and never again even close to drunk in all the years since.

If your bf is drawn from that pool of men who constitute the regular customers of your work venue, and if he regularly drinks to the point where you can tell he's been drinking, then you might just have something to worry about. He might just think like some of those loud-mouthed dolts of whom you speak, who talk so that you can overhear "about how they want to ************************************************** ****************************** every hot chick they see and that men aren't meant to be monagamous and need variety etc etc". Of course, a lot of that is just the whisky talking, because no self-respecting hot chick would touch those bums with a barge pole. But the low class drunk chicks might present an opportunity.

When I speak of something to worry about, I refer not just to sexual dalliances. The drunk men you see often have a lot more undesirable characteristics. They are more prone to having difficulties in relationships, domestic and otherwise. Employment difficulties are common. Most eventually rack up a DUI or two. They sooner or later develop alcohol-related health issues.

[effy2014]

Permit me one more response. Men fantasize a lot more than women -- studies suggest that it is twice as much (I know -- what a surprise). Good, honorable and decent men in relationships may fantasize about being with another woman. Sometimes it's just beyond our control. It's neither a crime nor cause for alarm. Good men don't act on those fantasies and understand the difference between the fantasy world and a real world loving committed relationship.

[PhrendlyPhil]

Elizabeth: I'm married 25 years to the same woman and our sex life is just fine. It's not quite as easy or as frequent as when we were in our 20's but it is just as pleasurable. I look at and fantasize about other women all the time. It is normal and natural for a man of any age to do the same. We men are hard wired that way and a good woman will understand that her man, though he loves her, is going to "roam with his eyes." Be a good sport and play along with your boyfriends natural desire for variety. Next time the two of you are at a party or gathering, point out a pretty girl to him and say, jokingly, "Hey, check out the one over there, wouldn't you like to take her and bang her brains out." Then take him home and let him ravish you. Much love and happiness to the both of you.