[Obelisk]

Ok my take.

Unless you are hideously overweight (like over 50lbs) some fat is unlikely to make a difference to a guy if he likes you. I've been with a razor sharp fit woman (like 125lbs of muscle at 5'2), and while she "looked" amazing, she felt like I was sleeping with a side of ribs from the freezer, literally.

I also dated a while back a girl who legitimately was overweight (She was about 180lbs at 5'4) and while a little heavier than I hoped, her genuine enthusiasm made up for so much.

Also the first time I had sex I thought it was going to be this mind blowing experience. When it actually happened I was like "really? that's it?". It did not feel much different than just masturbating. And I'm a dude.

I imagine for a woman it's even worse, since for you gals to orgasm, the guy has to have some skill as well as desire to get to know how your body works, etc etc.

[runrig]

Thanks again everyone for your advice. And guess what? I've been dating! I've had my first kiss (and second and third and fourth and so on...) --- we make out a lot. I really care about him. & interestingly, it's not the guy I mentioned in my first post!

We have been together for a few weeks and we've hinted at sleeping together, but I'm still not ready. This has been exacerbated by the fact that I recently had a smear test and the nurse said I was very, very tight. Even the test was like agony. I've never worried about the pain of sex before, but now I do! =P

& as I said in the first post, I don't want my boyfriend to be all super-delicate about it. Obviously I don't want him to hurt me, but I'd quite like to go a little wild. Sooooo Catch-22 again. =)

[DreamP346]

Good to hear from you again. So the pap, that is one horrible experience. Even after 2 kids, it still feels horrible and painful. So don't use that as a comparison, unless you were enjoying the exam. The GYN exam is stressful and most women tighten up. After all these years, I still have to make a conscious effort to not tense up. Also, the more you worry about it, the more likely you will make yourself worse by tensing up. In this circumstance, I think a glass of wine or two maybe helpful to help you relax and just "let go."

Remember, you have your whole life of sex in front of you. Let this first time be slow and gentle. There will be lots of other opportunities to just get down and dirty.

[Motorguy]

Hey Runrig if you find the right guy who loves you the way you are no matter what that's all the battle there.
But Dream's advice seem like a good plain with the sex part if your guy is patient and go's slow with you it can be the experience of a life time that first time. So don't stress and just enjoy yourself with your new guy in your life with big cheers to you.

[cathygirl]

I get the sense that you are still obsessing on what could go wrong, being judged, making a mistake, etc. Paralysis is its own punishment. But I'm guessing sex is not the only area of your life where you do this, and I know that just becasue someone says "don't do that" it doesn't make it any easier. However, recognizing that you are thinking about negatives way too much does help to deal with the obsessive thinking.

Everything in life is risky. Walking out your door is risky. Is someone going to laugh at you because you are inexperienced? HIGHLY unlikely. Will they have negative thoughts about you? HIGHLY unlikely. Except in the machinations of your own thinking, that is.

What is so scarey about telling a partner your fears? If you don't know the person well enough to know that he will care all the more for you and your first sexual experience, then it's probably better to wait anyway. Everybody has to take risks just to live. This is one you may have to force yourself to take, but I do beleive you need to be very open with this (or any) man with whom you are thinking of having a sexual relationship. If he's a good person, he will be particularly mindful of your needs and desires. If he's not a good person, what do you want him for anyway? Better to find that out BEFORE you sleep with him...

[runrig]

I lost my virginity today. =) I'd love to go into the specifics but i'm afraid there's a tiny part of me worried that he might stumble across this thread some how..!

But I just wanted to let you all know, because you've been so helpful and understanding. It was amazing by the way. =D

[Motorguy]

Well congrats Runrig. I hope it was memorable for you that first time. Does this look like a relationship where you will have more fun dates in the near future together.

[JessyJess]

Why don't you wanna tell him? It's not fair. You aren't giving him the chance to make it a good first time for you.

[Texasred]

I believe she was saying not that she didn't want to tell him she was a virgin, but that she didn't want to tell everyone here the specifics of her experience in case he were to read about it...