[anonymouswhitefemale]

And to clarify a bit about the fantasies/ porn etc.
Anonymouswhitefemale, you are right again- I don't want a guaruntee that he's ONLY thinking of me ALL the time while w***ing off...I guess I just don't want those other thoughts to have a "name"- I want to dominate his thoughts and his sexual life (Maybe that's a hint towards where I'd like to go...dominating ) He explained it to me when I asked him, and you might verify it for me, that when a guy is pleasuring himself it's like flashes or images and sexy, sensual, erotic images running through your mind- not always a "storyline" as I thought...

Well, it may be a coherent story, it may be flashes back and forth through the storyboard, it may even be someone we know from our childhood, or a tv-character or whatever. The important thing is that we aren't thinking that we want a relationship with them, they are objects in our fantasies - our partners are not objects, but our fantasies are. And in that way, you can treat them like an object in your mind, purely for your gratification, which we're too nice to do to our non-object partners. It all boils down to this: we think of the hottest horniest most base thing we can think of at the time - we don't think of the woman who we want to cuddle to sleep or the woman who you'd throw yourself in front of a train for.

I understand we are creatures controlled by hormones and chemical reactions to life around us, and am mature enough (I'd like to think) to realize, as well, that we have urges & thought processes that we can't always contol- In a perfect world- I want to be all he ever needs...

The older I grow the less free will I think we have... I am slowly realising that we are almost machines, programmed by our ealier lives to react in certain ways, there is almost no spontoneity or randomness in our actions... Maybe fate is more real than we think it is, and it could all be calculated by a big computer...


Anyway, back to the topic heheh.

[SorridLives]

Hi Daffodils,

I would agree with the others that:

1) If he masturbates "a few" times a week, and you get sex less than you would like, then masturbation may be at least *part* of the reason you are not having partner sex more.

2) If he says he is not thinking of anyone but you, that may or may not be the truth. It may be a white lie. My partner admits that he thinks of women (at least fantasy women that aren't real- different bodies) and says that is *most* of the time....meaning he sometimes may think of a more *real* woman too. Sometimes they feel they have to tell white lies...Not sure any man *never* thinks of other women outside the relationship.

[SorridLives]

Hi again,

Just read your second message/thoughts. I think it is more realistic to think what Anon said....You are his love....the thoughts/fantasies he has are sex only thoughts to get him off. Men like visual variety in their heads. Men and women are different in that way....at least for the most part and for most of the population, IMO (though there are exceptions, I guess...)

[Daffodils&Cream]

" It all boils down to this: we think of the hottest horniest most base thing we can think of at the time - we don't think of the woman who we want to cuddle to sleep or the woman who you'd throw yourself in front of a train for. "- Anon

Thank you for your understanding & trying to expain your take on what I've laid out here- I under stand this better with your explaination. Perhaps that reveals twhy I've gotten hung up on masturbating, myself, b/c I have a hard time seperating the two....This really gives me something to think about, and helps me to understand treating something as an "object" rather than a "lover" and that just b/c you may have that fantacy & need, it is still your partner you want to fall asleep against and would sacrafice anything for.
I really appreciate your insight!

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I am familiar with the scripture she has quoted and this is what I have concluded it to mean. I don't take it to mean that any fleeting thought that enters your mind, none of us can control what random thoughts pop into our heads. It's what we do with those thoughts and how we react to them. If a man (and I do believe man was used in a general sense here to mean mankind and include females in this) has a fleeting thought/fantasy I don't believe this as cheating but I do think it can turn into what we could classify as cheating. If we start to entertain these fantasies and thoughts to a point of scheming what we need to do to make it a reality then it crosses into the cheating classification.

I'll agree that you can probably cheat without ever touching someone, if the true intention is there. I think of it like this: the term 'mens rea' means 'guilty mind', and is required for a crime to have been commited. You have to have the mindset to kill someone, and then kill them, for it to be murder. If you don't have the mens rea, you did not murder them. However, a mens rea can exist even if you miss the buss to kill your victim, you had already gone through it in your head - known it was to happen.. hence attempted murder...

I think it's got to go quite a distance in your mind though, to fantasizing about simply spending time with them, in a non-sexual sense... actually want them... And wishing you were with them... Then I can see how it could be cheating..

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Oh, and no problem Daffodils.

[I think we need those edit's back...]